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AIBU to think this was insensitive

(24 Posts)
kathsue Sun 02-May-21 18:28:34

My 13 year old dog has lost her fight with doggy dementia and is due to be put to sleep on Wednesday. As you can imagine I'm heartbroken to lose my little companion.

I rang my sister last night and told her about it. She was sympathetic but today she sent me a video of her son's new puppy meeting her other son's dog for the first time. They are lovely dogs and any other time I would have been glad to see them but right now it's the last thing I needed. AIBU to be upset?

LullyDully Sun 02-May-21 18:40:42

I do feel for you, a sad time. Your sister probably thought this would cheer you up, I am sure she didn't mean to be tactless. Maybe explain your feelings to her. Hopefully she will understand.

Amberone Sun 02-May-21 18:49:31

I don't think YABU to be a bit upset, but if she was sympathetic then she obviously didn't do it to hurt you deliberately. She probably thought it would cheer you up when you were a bit down - a bit insensitive, the sort of thing I would do I'm afraid.

When sad things like that happen it understandably fills your mind, possibly to the exclusion of much else. While other people may be sympathetic and even sad about it they don't feel the same pain as it isn't happening to them, so their life goes on.

Anniebach Sun 02-May-21 18:51:37

Could be Your sister, prematurely, was suggesting a puppy for you

FannyCornforth Sun 02-May-21 18:54:38

Yes, that is shit. I'd like to say that you are being oversensitive; but you aren't.
I'm sick to death with being kind and thoughtful and everyone being a stupid arse
I honestly don't know the solution

BlueBelle Sun 02-May-21 18:55:05

I agree anniebach I think she was trying to say have another little one

Jaxjacky Sun 02-May-21 18:59:45

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but as others have said, she was probably trying to cheer you. Sorry to hear your news ?

Maya1 Sun 02-May-21 19:02:30

What a distressing time for you. Your heart must be breaking,*Kathsue*. I am sure your sister didn't mean to upset you although it is the last thing you need to see at this time.

Stay strong and know that the right decision has been made for your beloved dog.

kathsue Sun 02-May-21 19:24:34

I probably over-reacted. I'm feeling quite down today. My sister is quite often tactless, I know she didn't mean to be unkind.

Considering my age and state of health I couldn't look after another dog now. We did talk about that last night.

When the vet and I made the decision last week I thought it would be nice to have the weekend to say goodbye and come to terms with my loss. Now it just feels like we're on a count-down. I used to cuddle up to my dog if I was feeling sad but now she backs away and snaps at me if I reach out to her. It's so hard.

Nonogran Sun 02-May-21 19:52:41

God bless your little dog. Make the last gentle voice she hears be yours. God bless you too for making the right decision. The pain is everlasting but it does ease. These things cant be hurried. Will be thinking of you on Wednesday. flowers

Trisha57 Sun 02-May-21 19:54:56

I know what it feels like to say goodbye to a well-loved pet. It is heartbreaking and you have to make the hard decision to do what is best for your dog, which is what you have done. It shows that you care deeply for your him/her. I think your sister has tried to cheer you up in her own clumsy way and it has obviously upset you, but I don't think that is the way it was meant . Sometimes other people don't realise the attachment you have to your pets. Also, please don't be upset that your dog is now snapping at you - it is one of the cruel symptoms of dementia unfortunately, in humans and animals.

I am so sorry you have had to make this choice, but I am sure it is the best one you could have made in the circumstances. Why would anyone want to prolong the suffering of a loved-one if they could do something to prevent it?

Sending you a hug and my best wishes. You are doing the right thing. flowers

Urmstongran Sun 02-May-21 20:27:03

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. You are sad right now kathsue and upset knowing these are your last ever hours with your companion. Plus it’s not going well by the sounds so you’ll be feeling pretty stressed by it all.

The last thing you need right now is cheering up. You probably want time to reflect and mourn. It’s quite natural. Your sister probably meant well but her timing was off.

kathsue Sun 02-May-21 20:36:39

Thank you for your kind thoughts and good wishes. they do make me feel better.

Witzend Sun 02-May-21 21:42:40

Some people just don’t understand. I once had someone say, ‘Well, you can always get another,’ after the dog we’d had for over 14 years had been PTS. As if we’d had the TV nicked or something.

It was very insensitive, though. I’m guessing that she just didn’t think, or imagined it’d make you want to rush out and get a puppy.

sodapop Sun 02-May-21 21:49:26

So sorry about your lovely dog kathsue it's the last kind thing you can do for her. It's so hard I know.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 02-May-21 21:54:45

No you aren’t being unreasonable and yes of course it was the last thing you needed to see, I really feel for you, I’m thinking that maybe your sister doesn’t have any pets so didn’t realise the impact on you by showing you the new puppy, she probably showed you the vid to cheer you up and didn’t think, so sorry to hear of your loss Kathsue

Chardy Sun 02-May-21 22:22:41

Sending canine love

AussieNanna Sun 02-May-21 23:51:47

Ive had dogs for long time and is heartbreaking when you have to let them go.

I think your sister was insensitive and poor timeing to send you that video now - but sounds like she wasnt being deliberately hurtful, just tactless and insensitive.
Still hurtful though.

timetogo2016 Fri 07-May-21 11:24:41

I agree with LullyDully.

Grandmabatty Fri 07-May-21 11:32:46

Oh I feel for you. It was a bit insensitive of your sister although I'm sure she didn't mean to be, unless she has history for it. It's the hardest and kindest act we can do for our pets. ?

nanna8 Fri 07-May-21 11:34:11

That’s the sad thing about our loved pets. They have short lifespans and when they go we are left feeling as though we have lost a close family member. I cried all day during our lockdown when our much loved cat died, it was horribly depressing. Hugs to you kathsue, maybe have a little garden memorial for your loved dog? I found it helped when we planted a little memorial garden next to a tiny pond we have. Lots of different lavenders and a little statue.

Redhead56 Fri 07-May-21 11:55:44

We lost our Jack Russell to dementia last year I am still upset about it. Everyone is different your sister probably didn’t mean to upset you she just lacks tact. ?

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 07-May-21 12:07:05

Perhaps she misguidedly thought it would cheer you up but the timing is so wrong. flowers

FindingNemo15 Fri 07-May-21 12:31:18

I do not think you are being unreasonable. Your dog is your friend and will be sadly missed. When the time is right maybe consider one from a rescue home.