Gransnet forums

AIBU

Holiday planning

(24 Posts)
Cabbie21 Sat 05-Jun-21 14:40:33

AIBU to hope that DH will show some interest in planning for our holiday? He always relies on me to choose somewhere suitable and make all the arrangements, and this year I just hoped might be different, as we are emerging from COVID.

We don’t go abroad or to hotels( well, rarely). I have chosen a lovely spacious self-catering cottage, well equipped, meeting all his requirements, with a lovely garden, not too long a journey. DH has various needs relating to various health conditions, so that is taken into account. He will happily drive anywhere, but the rest is up to me.
We normally take a few basics from home ( cereals, tea, coffee) then do either a big shop on arrival, or a small shop for milk, butter etc then stock up next day, but with the pandemic, we get online deliveries, and I pop into Aldi at quiet times, so the thought of a big shop in a strange place is a bit daunting. I might try to get a delivery, though I am not sure how easy that will be.
We usually eat out at lunch time, and maybe two or three evenings, but DH is understandably not keen this year, so I can see it being not much of a break for me, having to think about meals, shop, prepare, cook…..I am trying to plan a few meals I can make and freeze to take. I can’t even get him to suggest anything for that! It all falls on me and if I get it right, he eats it with rarely a word of appreciation.
I have to do all the spade work, looking up places to visit online for opening times, whilst he just sits and snoozes.
Sorry for the rant, feeling a bit fed up.

I try to make sure we go to places I enjoy, but it is hard work making it suitable for his needs ( dietary, not far to walk, not hilly,……). If I say anything, he just replies “You arrange it all so well”. AIBU to hope for some input from him?

Septimia Sat 05-Jun-21 14:43:46

I do most of the arranging for anything we do, too. I ask DH if he's happy and he usually is.

A lot of men seem to be content to go along with things and, if asked, don't express a strong opinion. My DS is the same!

Blossoming Sat 05-Jun-21 15:02:48

Mr. B is the same, though occasionally he’ll suggest somewhere he’s been reading about. If it’s always been that way I doubt you’ll get him to change now. How about a few takeaways instead of meals out? Many places will pack up a picnic for a day out too. As you say, it won’t be much of a break for you if you’re doing all the catering.

Artaylar Sat 05-Jun-21 15:13:09

Sounds exactly like my DH Cabbie21 He leaves absolutely everything to me right down to having the right piece of paper to hand at the right time at airports etc.

It dosent bother me nowadays though. I get to choose where we go (unless on the few occasions DH has any particular preferences), and where we stay. I don't really do the domestics on holiday though. If you are limited on eating out with Covid, Blossoming's suggestions on the take aways and picnic days sound good.

I don't think YABU, though think of the alternative at the other end of the spectrum........an over interested DH wanting to stick his fingers into everything. - for me that would be a thanks but no thanks.

Daisymae Sat 05-Jun-21 15:25:38

I organise a Waitrose delivery for the evening of our arrival. Have a great selection of almost ready meals, desserts or whatever. Saves packing and unpacking and takes most of the work out of prepping while you are away. We stay in some unusual places and sometimes I don't think they will find us, but they have never let us down. Obviously you can use whatever supermarket you like.

Cabbie21 Sat 05-Jun-21 15:29:54

Thanks for the replies, especially Artaylar's, which made me feel better. At least I get to make sure we do things I want to do, even if I have to compromise a huge amount to make sure DH is comfortable.
I will check out takeaways too. There were plenty of good ones when pubs and restaurants were shut but so far I have only found pizzas in the area. I will keep looking.

Artaylar Sat 05-Jun-21 15:35:51

Cheers Cabbie21 wine

Oh and the other ways that our DH's sound like little peas from the same pod
- he dosen't 'do hills'
- if I ever have the temerity to moan to him about it, I get the inevitable 'oh, but you do it so well darling' ......grrrr

Have a really great time.

cornishpatsy Sat 05-Jun-21 15:39:16

Could you take turns in choosing a holiday? or go away yourself either with a friend or alone.

Cabbie21 Sat 05-Jun-21 15:49:51

Cornishpasty, if I left DH to choose, we would never go anywhere!
I am actually going for a short break by myself very soon, before the long-awaited holiday together. smile

Cabbie21 Sat 05-Jun-21 15:51:06

Artaylar, to be fair, he does have angina, hence the no hills is justified.

Amberone Sat 05-Jun-21 15:56:32

We're the opposite - my OH does nearly all the planning 😁 Maybe your OH would be just as happy to stay at home, so doesn't bother too much ? If you're that fed up just tell him you're not going away as you haven't got the energy to organise it and see what he says. When we first went abroad (many, many years ago) my OH wouldn't go as he didn't want to fly. I told him I would go alone then and within a week he was planning what there was to do.

I don't do cooking when we go to a cottage, I buy in ready meals that I can bung in the oven (I don't consider that cooking!) and we eat out occasionally. There's usually a dishwasher so clearup is pretty easy. We sometimes stay somewhere we know and like sometimes go somewhere new.

vampirequeen Sun 06-Jun-21 14:09:51

I think it's a man thing (apart from the odd few). DH is happy to drive anywhere although he says he's never going to drive from here to Norfolk again as the roads were too much stop and go. I have to say I agree with him. 5 hours driving for a 3 hour distance...never again. But as long as there is a decent road system he doesn't mind. I try to keep our distance to around 3 hours and there are still lots of places we haven't visited so we can holiday like this for years lol. I do the initial suggestions, find places of interest, sort out the booking etc. But then I'm an organiser and he's not. I like lists and plans whereas he doesn't. He just lets me do my thing and goes with the flow grin

Whitewavemark2 Sun 06-Jun-21 15:37:17

The same in our household. I choose - DH comes along.

This year though I think I have bitten off more than I can chew tbh. We live on the South Coast, and we do prefer holidays without crowds etc, so I booked a cottage in Northumberland, then looked at the mileage😧😧. It involves navigating the M25 which I hate. Definitely got cold feet, but recently pulled myself together and have booked hops up and back so that we don’t do more that about 140 miles a day and also take in some other places as well. If it works that will be good. If it all gets too tiring, we won’t repeat the length of journey by car again.

Honestly when we were young we drove to Scotland in a day without any thought!

PinkCakes Sun 06-Jun-21 18:23:09

My husband has never once looked at or booked a holiday. I've always been the one to look for, and book, the hotel, flight, travel insurance, car parking, and cat-sitter. He sorts out the currency. I wash, iron, pack the clothes and everything we need.

kittylester Sun 06-Jun-21 19:31:52

DH is our organiser. He loves it. When the children were young he planned camping holidays all round Europe with stops at interesting places along the way. He then plotted routes round the various towns we stopped. Thankfully he has calmed down a bit but still arranges wherever we decide to go.

Callistemon Sun 06-Jun-21 19:57:46

kittylester envy

"You sort it out then point me in the right direction" is DH's contribution.

Callistemon Sun 06-Jun-21 19:58:35

I do make him do his own packing, Pinkcakes - with guidance from me!

Jaxjacky Sun 06-Jun-21 20:32:54

Are you being unreasonable Cabbie21, I suppose it depends how long you’ve been doing it for, if it’s many years, probably the expectation is set. I suppose your alternative, if you’re not happy is to go away with a friend or on your own and not have a holiday with your other half. It’s usual here, but I don’t mind, MrJ agrees with me on a destination and I sort it out, we share the driving if I want a break, we do and will eat out. Three short hotel breaks in the UK this year are booked, if it’s not safe to eat out, or stay in a hotel, then it’s not safe to go and we won’t. I enjoy the organising, he doesn’t, fair enough.

mumofmadboys Mon 07-Jun-21 07:23:51

I tend to do the booking and the planning and my DH is happy to do whatever I suggest. I tend to suggest options but he often doesn't mind so I get my choice! Sounds as if most men are similar!

mumofmadboys Mon 07-Jun-21 07:24:58

Cabbie M and S dine at home meals are good and minimum effort

timetogo2016 Mon 07-Jun-21 08:39:00

Sounds like a busmans holiday to me.
My X was the same,i never felt i was on holiday,it was just a different house.
In the end i stopped going with him.

maydonoz Mon 07-Jun-21 15:31:17

In our case, DH does all the flight bookings, having checked dates with me.
We usually stay in our holiday home in Turkey so we know what's waiting for us, airing and cleaning the house before we do shopping etc.
I take care of the finer details, as in packing, checking passports, medication for the trip etc.
It seems to work for us but this year we may try to have a break here if we can find a booking.

V3ra Mon 07-Jun-21 15:50:47

My husband organises one holiday a year: his annual boys golf trip for himself and three friends.
He starts in January and they go in September. It involves hours and hours of research online during this time and many
emails back and forth.

I organise our holidays. I discuss it all with him first, obviously, and do all the booking.
He buys the currency and books the airport taxi or parking. He has been known to book it for the wrong airport...🤦

goose1964 Tue 08-Jun-21 12:54:34

We're the opposite DH usually asks my input into where we go, after that it's micromanaged. We're going on holiday on Saturday, he already has his list of places to drink ,his priority, eat an things to do. He's checked bus times for the places he wants to go to. He's also done a shopping list for a Tesco delivery the day we arrive.