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Is Bridge more important than.......

(23 Posts)
debi36 Fri 09-Jul-21 19:34:45

Is Bridge more important than.......ANYTHING!!
I seem to think so in our house!
DH plays twice a week. Pre-Covid, he'd be out of the house 2 evenings a week, for me being able to watch what I want on TV = bliss!
With lockdowns he's gone off to a spare room to play on Zoom. Things can get heated with bridge and I hear him shouting (there is much wine drinking involved) but it's not a real problem to me.
Our daughter has just secured her first proper job since graduating last year. She has suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, has been medicated but most crucially she has periods of severe insomnia. Her bedroom is directly above the kitchen where they play bridge.
DH has the first at home bridge session at our house on her second day in the new job, I suggested it might be kind to let one of the other players host, or play at the pub as they are this week?
DH says the only alternative is he hosts the following week!
She might still be stressed and tired the second week too and would rather have an early night and wander around the house in her PJs rather than be in the company of 3 strange old men?
I did suggest an early start (they are all retired or WFH) with a curfew at say 10......that didn't go down well.
AIBU on behalf of my daughter?

Grandmabatty Fri 09-Jul-21 19:37:20

What does your daughter say?

Riverwalk Fri 09-Jul-21 19:42:51

Shouting during bridge??

Even with wine I've never known anyone to shout!

eazybee Fri 09-Jul-21 19:50:13

It is one night.
They could play during the afternoon but it is clearly a social event.
They could play in another room.
Your daughter could sleep in another room.
Your daughter is being rather precious; does she have to wander round the house in her pyjamas on the one night her father has friends home?

debi36 Fri 09-Jul-21 19:50:50

She'll keep the peace and get on with whatever happens.
It's the lack of care her father exhibits that gets me.
It's been a very tough year and a half for her, she left university in a hurry as lockdown loomed last March, came home and did her finals in her bedroom. She's been stuck at home applying for job after job and at long last she has success. I just want to make it as easy as possible for her. Her boyfriend agrees, the first few weeks at work are tough and tiring.
I've probably interfered but I know if my book group were coming round I'd just say to them can someone else host or can we finish at a reasonable hour and there wouldn't be a problem, they'd understand.

Casdon Fri 09-Jul-21 19:55:07

Just a thought, why doesn’t he do his Zoom meeting in the lounge, then she can wander about as she likes without going in there, and it won’t be directly below her bedroom so he won’t disturb her?

debi36 Fri 09-Jul-21 19:57:15

They are playing bridge now and yes there is shouting going on, the wine has been open for an hour, I think the batteries on someone's hearing aids are running low!
They are old men, the flushing of the toilet is constant.
And when they leave to go, there's the ringing for taxis and knocks on the door from drivers who have been kept waiting or honking horns.

grannyactivist Fri 09-Jul-21 20:00:42

Having been in the position of nursing a relative through Uni and first job under similar circumstances I completely understand where you're coming from debi36 and I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable. However, as your husband doesn't seem to have the same degree of concern as you I'm afraid you're going to have to put up with it.

debi36 Fri 09-Jul-21 20:02:40

It wouldn't be a problem if it was a Zoom session but it's a real, live bridge session with 4 old chaps drinking away until the early hours.
She's happy in her bedroom, she wouldn't change rooms when we had builders. I expect it will be fine and she'll be so tired she'll nod off after Love Island or whatever is on then.
I guess I just want every thing to go well for her......

debi36 Fri 09-Jul-21 20:07:12

Thank you grannyactivist thanks

Grandmabatty Fri 09-Jul-21 20:34:01

It does sound quite annoying actually! If your daughter won't say anything, I'm not sure you can. She could put music on really loudly and if he complains then she can say tit for tat! My sympathies as I wouldn't like that and I understand you are stuck in the middle.

mumofmadboys Fri 09-Jul-21 22:54:42

Ear plugs may help. Let it go and try not to worry. In all likelihood your DD will be fine. I am a keen brisge player but play online and play in silence!

Calendargirl Sat 10-Jul-21 06:39:04

It sounds like, apart from your DD, you would rather they weren’t playing at home either.

Baggs Sat 10-Jul-21 08:47:33

Earplugs was my first thought too.

Universities and student lodgings of all kinds are noise factories. I expect your daughter has dealt with worse.

I sympathise, but I think it's a case of hey ho. Pyjamas can be perfectly respectable if one chooses.

Lucca Sat 10-Jul-21 09:26:37

I play bridge (rather badly). I’ve never ever experienced any shouting !
I still don’t get why she has to wander round the whole house in pyjamas !

Lucca Sat 10-Jul-21 09:28:06

Also I’d hate the idea of four men drinking away until the early hours…..shouldn’t they be over that at their ages!

geekesse Sat 10-Jul-21 10:26:54

Are you sure it’s really Bridge they are playing? It’s normally a polite, genteel game. Sounds more like kids playing Racing Demon to me!

debi36 Sat 10-Jul-21 12:19:07

She doesn't wear a negligee!!
Tracksuit + a dressing gown. What I meant by that was relaxing in her own home.
When I get in from work I change out of my work clothes, and put on lounge wear. It's probably different for retired people who can wear the same clothes from morning to night.
I don't mind visitors, but then I've done my job for years so if I'm kept awake I can handle it!

cornishpatsy Sat 10-Jul-21 12:57:29

You talk about your daughter relaxing in her own home what about your husband doing what he likes in his own home.

I agree with others about earplugs.

Are you sure that it is not you that does not like him having friends over.

Sparkling Sat 10-Jul-21 20:41:06

It’s not Bridge he's playing. As a Bridge player I can tell you it would not be acceptable, I’ve never known it. In the interval you have conversations and a laugh but not enough to upset any one and it’s not a long interval, they are set on getting as many games in that they can.
It’s his home, I can’t see how your daughter can’t put up with her fathers friends one night. Are you sure you don’t want him inviting his friends round? Sorry, it does sound making a problem out of nothing.

Flexagon Sat 10-Jul-21 20:55:21

Things should not get heated with bridge. The English Bridge Union had a very clear code of conduct (Law 74). Of course, these men are playing in their own homes so are not adhering to club rules but it's bad behaviour that could spill over if and when they return to club and tournament play.

Hithere Sat 10-Jul-21 21:14:32

I dont think it is realistic to ask your dh to stop doing what he is used to just because your adult daughter is there.

Earplugs, moving the playroom to a more convenient location in your home, etc are workarounds that can be implemented

I would be more worried about what they are really doing and the amount of alcohol ingested that often

Lucca Sun 11-Jul-21 04:29:46


She doesn't wear a negligee!!
Tracksuit + a dressing gown. What I meant by that was relaxing in her own home.
When I get in from work I change out of my work clothes, and put on lounge wear. It's probably different for retired people who can wear the same clothes from morning to night.
I don't mind visitors, but then I've done my job for years so if I'm kept awake I can handle it!

Irrelevant I know but I’m a retired person who rarely wears the same clothes from morning to night !