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DH inviting people over for dinner

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Kamiso Mon 02-Aug-21 11:54:24

Just go out a few hours before his visitors are due to arrive. Tell him you already had other plans. The cinemas/art galleries are re-opening so you can’t find somewhere else to be.

After a couple of times he might get the message that he needs to talk to you first!

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JaneJudge Mon 02-Aug-21 11:51:41

It doesn't sound like you are whinging to me and I bet lots of women read your post re the BBQ and you doing everything else and can replay a common scenario in their own relationship, I know I can. You need to talk to him about making decisions without talking to you though, it's not fair if you are scrimping and he is spending.

Say to him if he is going to a BBQ in his invite he needs to shop for it all himself, even if it means he goes to M&S and buys pre prepared stuff!

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Galaxy Mon 02-Aug-21 11:48:26

What are you getting out of this relationship. It sounds awful.

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PinkCosmos Mon 02-Aug-21 11:46:26

My DH is in the habit of inviting friends over for bbq's or dinner without discussing it with me first.

We are friends with two couples who we see separately as they don't get on with one another (that's another story).

Since we have been let out of lock down we have been to both couples for bbq's or dinner and we have had them back to us several times.

When we are with either couple my DH will say 'come to ours on Sunday (whatever day). He doesn't discuss the invite with me first.

I work full time (from home at the moment) and do all of the food shopping. When he extends these invites it is me who goes shopping, tidies the house, cooks the food etc. He cooks the meat on the bbq but I prepare everything else.

I said something to him about this the other day and he accused me of whinging.

One of the women in the couple always contacts me afterwards and asks if the invite is OK as she know what my DH is like.

I don't want to come across as miserable and whingy but I find it very annoying.

I couldn't just leave everything to him as I think that would be peevish and reflect badly on me. He comes across as mister nice guy. I also too polite to say 'I'm sorry but that day isn't convenient' straight after he has invited them as they know us well enough to know to know our lives aren't that busy.

My MIL is also keen on inviting herself over for a bbq if the weather is nice.

I think this is getting to me as it is a part of a larger problem where I feel that my DH just disregards me in most things. He makes expensive purchases without consulting me and keeps three quarters of his wages for himself. He spend every penny and is regularly overdrawn. We have a interest only mortgage which needs to be paid in a couple of years. I have been saving madly towards this but I will fall short with the amount I can save. DH has contributed nothing to the mortgage savings though he is in a position to do so. His motto is live for today. We are both in our early sixties.

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