To include son in will

I do find it somewhat strange that your dd knew so much about your husbands finances than you did, you say she knew of things that you had no clue of when you Dh had passed away, ( sorry for your loss btw) maybe it’s me but we do things a lot different and don’t involve our AC in our personal finances, even though all our AC are indeed clever

When my father died he left a folder, which he had let mum know about, with absolutely everything concerning his will, finances etc., all in one place. I went to a WI talk recently given by an undertaker, who stressed how important it was to leave information for the family - copy of will, any funeral requests etc., etc. One thing my father didn’t have to do back in 1978, was print out a list of passwords!

I did wonder of the DIL might be an only child from a family whose assets far exceeded yours.
I also wonder which of you and the late DH came from the wealthier family or did both sets of your parents and PILs leave exactly the same amount of inheritance to you and DH. When those inheritances came to you and late DH did you split them equally or did they go into the pot that late DH controlled without your knowledge apparently.
I can not understand women who do not have full knowledge and access to all financial family matters.
Do you not see the condescending way in which your DH treated you? He thought you were unable to understand finances yet he has now died and you are left to struggle your way through this. He should have explained everything to you so that you understood everything.
I suspect that he had a way of giving money to DD without your knowledge or consent.
This is a story about controlling people and less about will writing

Maddiedu

I do love him and my gc I don't want to go against my dh wishes and have outsiders taking our money and leaving our family high and dry

I'm shocked to read the above comment. Surely your DIL is part of your family? Her children (being your son's also) are part of your family too. to refer to your DIL as an outsider, after 20 years?

It seems to me that your daughter (doesn't seem right to call her your DD) has had help with buying 3 houses whereas your Son I assume, didn't have any.

You say that your daughter is clever because she went to uni. That doesn't mean thing. She may be intelligent and passed exams but many people who haven't been to uni are clever in all sorts of ways.

Your daughter says that if you leave everything to her she will see your son and his family alright. I would not trust her to do that at all, given her previous record.

We used to know a man whose father, aged 80+, when his first wife died (of more than 50 years) married a woman who supposedly had been a sweetheart in his youth. The man died within a year. He hadn't made a new will because he said his new wife would see his children right. New wife had children of her own.

New wife inherited his whole estate and his children received nothing from her. They were an old army family, with generals in the 19th century etc etc. She would not even give them family memorabilia, such as portraits and furniture that 19th century officers took on their travels. There was nothing that they could do.

To be honest if I was you, I would work out the value of your estate add to it the amount of money your daughter has already had, divide the total and the deduct the money that your daughter has already had, from her share.

To explain in numbers:

Value of your estate 100,000
Already given to daughter 20,000
_
Total 120,000
Half to son 60,000
_
Half to daughter 60,000
Less amount already given 20,000
_
Amount physically given to
daughter 40,000
_

This seems very fair.

By the way, since you were the sole beneficiary of your DH's estate, the work to get probate would not have been difficult.

Wow I have a feeling your DD will make sure she comes out favourably if you give her all the money, she seems to have had more than enough already, I actually feel sorry for your son

Madgran
Apologies for butting in on a post that wasn’t directed to me.
I think every question relates to the 1st question.
do you have full access to all your accounts etc
I don’t think the OP knows exactly what is in the bank or what banks or offshore a/c. But I bet the daughter does ?

Your family seems to epitomise the favourite child syndrome. How unfair & unjustified
Why do you think excluding your son is fair? Did you really want him to be a batchelor all his life?
I find your acceptance of this awful treatment of your son indefensible

Maddiedu how did you feel when you realised your daughter knew things about your finances that you didn't? I would feel very angry about that, but that is me!

You say your daughter runs everything past you! You don't need to answer these questions below on this forum but please consider the answers for yourself:
1. Do you have FULL access to all your accounts/savings/shares etc?
2. Do you receive regular statements for all your accounts, are they sent directly to you, do you open them yourself and see the statements ...or do you have access to any online accounts to see all statements whenever you need to?
3. Do you have and keep your own debit and credit cards?
4.Does your daughter also have cards for your accounts? If so, why?

Please take care.

Madness. Why is the OP finding this so difficult? We saw a solicitor who drew our wills up. Everything will be divided equally between the three children. My jewellery is left to my daughter. Our bank will act as Executors. The OP needs to think carefully about what she proposes to do. Of course if she goes under that proverbial bus in the meantime, her estate will be divided equally between her children anyway. I still don’t think this whole scenario is real.

Your DH "worked hard for his DC" then refused to ever give anything to his son after he married?

That is completely ridiculous and you should certainly leave equal shares to your DS & DD as that is what you want to do.

(If your DD had stayed married, would neither of them be getting anything??)

No you are not the only one Travelnan.

Am I the only one who seems to remember this story a few months ago?

I find it almost unbelievable that you wish to totally cut out one of your chldren just because he has been so responsible and committed to a relationship. Pity your daughter (whether clever or not) could not have that sort of responsibility.
I
From what you tell us, if it wa me, I would even feel slightly inclined to leave a larger percentage to son, on the basis that daughter has already had a large share.

I have five AC, and my will is written to ensure they all get exactly equal shares, whether or not they are with a partner. iIt is written so that should one of them pre-decease me, then their portion of the estate is kept in trust for their children. If they have no children then that portion gets shared out between remaining siblings.

Have also asked for an amount to be set aside and kept to be given to each g.child when they reach their 25th birthday. My AC laughed when I gave to each of them a copy of this will, saying it showed intent that 'No way were their husbands/wives/partners being able to profit from it'

Clearly the problem remains unresolved. Please do something about it this time so you can stop worrying about it
Maddie.

The way you present the problem your late husband took and unreasonable dislike to your and his DIL and therefore wrote a will excluding them, plus tried emotionally to blackmail you into excluding them from your will.

This to my mind is quite unreasonable and I can see no legal or moral reason why you should not have a will drawn up leaving everything equally to your two children.

The sad thing is that your daughter will be offended if you do that, and may well either be unpleasant to her brother or even try to contest the will.

Another problem I see is that your husband gifted money to your daughter, which if you want to be completely fair should be deducted from her share of your estate.

Again if you do this, she will be bitterly hurt and probably quarrel with her brother about it.

Please do consult a solicitor about your options as soon as possible. I would consider gifting your son a similar amount to what his sister has received over the years, if you possibly can afford to do so, then have a will drawn up leaving your entire estate to be valued and split between them.

Yes Smileless she has. And it is all the same as before. Same advice too.

In these circumstances I would not make your children joint executors. It is a recipe for trouble, especially as your daughter seems to have a lot of inside knowledge of your finances. I can see her squirrelling things away for her own benefit.
Have you a trusted friend who you could ask?
Meanwhile take control of your finances yourself. Know what accounts you have, what bills are payable, how your house is owned etc. Do not rely on your daughter.

You have posted about this before haven't you Maddiedu as I think someone else on this thread has already mentioned. As soon as I read your post @ 13.56 I remembered.

Not sure why after 5 years since you lost your H you're still not dealing with this without the interference from your D.

Many charities and solicitors have a free will in October so you are in good time to see someone independent who will answer any questions you have and will ensure it’s all done legally and your wishes are carried out.
I still remember another almost exact post a while ago but if it wasn’t you then it was someone with exactly the same problem.

You are not stuck in this situation, you are not a victim- you are an active participant who chooses to perpetuate this trainwreck

As soon as your daughter sees no more use for you (money or otherwise), she will drop you like yesterday's garbage.

Dont go running to your son then. You made your own bed.

I have not said I don't like or agree with people saying leave 50/50. It's what I want to do and what I intend to do. My DD believes it to be unreasonable and I know that her reasons as to why with regards to my DH are true.

My DD is heavily involved in the finances, she knew of things that I had no clue of when DH died. I couldn't just sod off and do what I wanted without her even if I did want to because there are so many things she was told without me, not that I do that because she's been very helpful. I know to others it males her not sound very nice because people live different lives.

She runs everything past me otherwise I wouldn't know that she had these views on the matter.

I haven't posted about this before, I am stuck in a situation I know what I want to do but it isn't as easy as that.

I will make my will 50/50 of everything with both DC as executors and that way they both get half and it's done but in the meanwhile I'll continue with things the way they are.

I'm not left short of money or food or anything not being abused financially I do realise that one child has far more knowledge of the finances than the other. It just fell into place that way years ago and wasn't my doing but now it is what it is and I'll live with it

It sounds like your DD had to give some of the proceeds of house sales to her ex, so some of your money has already left the family. At least your son and his wife remain married. Split it 50/50. What your children do with the money then is their affair. You are likely to ruin the relationship between your children if you leave it all to your daughter.

maddie if it is not abundantly clear to your son, daughter in law and your 2 grandchildren that they aren't good enough for you already, it soon will be.

Your legacy will be a broken family.

What a horrible shame.

You have the opportunity to right the wrongs that have been done to your son and d.i.l. Maddiedue but the more you post, the more it looks like you lack the courage to do the right thing.

Or maybe you have no intention of following any of the advice you've received but were hoping that you'd be agreed with.

I feel sorry for your son, his wife an their children TBH.

I have no hatred towards DIL. She is from a family background where nobody had a will, they all lived off benefits in council housing and her DP made no provisions for her future. DH used to say people who live like that send their DC out looking for a cushy number.

If her family haven't provided for her, why should we take their responsibility

This gets worse and worse. I am certain you have posted about this before and presumably you are back to see if you can get a different answer, ie that you and your ghastly, grasping daughter are right. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I don't suppose you are. As for your daughter, I have no words, well no polite ones anyway.

As you don't like the replies you are getting suggesting you see a solicitor without your daughter present, and that you are being desperately unfair, then why are you here? My opinion won't change, and I suspect nobody else's will either. You don't deserve your son and his family.