To include son in will

If this is real you are allowing yourself to be manipulated by both your late husband and your daughter. Any mother with a shred of decency would correct the wrong perpetrated by their abusive husband, tot up how much the daughter has received in handouts, give the son the same then split the balance between both children and the grandchildren.
It is none of your daughter’s business. She is abusive just like your husband.
Do the decent thing so your conscience is clear. Stop discussing your private decisions with your daughter. The only thing she is clever at is manipulating you for her gain.

DH always felt that any DIL we had would pop a few kids out and be entitled to nab everything.
DH always felt that any DIL we had would pop a few kids out and be entitled to nab everything.
I think it's because you work hard for dc and then somebody else's daughter can swan in and take it from under your nose
outsiders taking our money and leaving our family high and dry

How can anyone take all this seriously?

Do you have a son-in-law? If so, do not leave anything to your daughter or he will leave the family high and dry.

I assume this is all a joke.

Oh my god I'm sorry but reading what your daughter says I thought what a bitch.
Your husband has left "his' money to you. So it is now yours to leave to who you want.
Personally I would either leave it 50/50 between your children or leave it all to the gcs passing granny daughter too.

I can't believe how grabby someone can be over their own sibling. I do know how it feels to be left out of your parents will and believe me it's hurtful and not particularly about the money more the lack of acknowledgement.
Best thing to do is go and get your will made do it so it is fair between both your children's families and make sure it is not left with your daughter. Make sure if you leave half to your son he gets a copy of your will so your daughter can't lose the will and find an old one that just names her. That does happen. Put your daughter in her place. It is your money.

No -one is right in all their decisions and views. This applies to your late DH. You are now in the position to do what you think is right with your money and do what you think is fair. I would avoid discussing it with your DD. Tell her you will do what you think is best and fair and refuse to discuss it any further. Leave a copy of your will with the solicitor. It may be best to appoint a solicitor as one of the executives along with DS and DD to help things run smoothly. You are not disrespecting your late DH by doing things differently. Follow your conscience and your heart. Your view is important now. Sort it out and then concentrate on enjoying the rest of your life.

Kim19

Really folks...... is any of this credible? I have this picture of M laughing his\her socks off at us.

I quite agree! It all seems a bit of a fantasy, unless the OP is still living in the 1800s!

The OP says that her DD wants all of the inheritance left to her, in order that she will be able to see her brother, and his children, right, and, I assume, prevent the wicked DiL from getting her hands on the money.

Frankly, that doesn't sound very trustworthy or convincing to me. Surely it would be far better to see a solicitor to have a legally binding will drawn up, and have peace in the knowledge that you have done the right thing.

I'd also be inclined to first gift your son the equal amounts that your DD has previously received over the years, and then split the rest 50/50.

Your DD doesn't sound clever to me, she sounds scheming, and her main aim is to line her own pockets with your money!

But she is not an outsider, she is part of the family especially as they have been married for so long. My grandfather left his house to my mum and then on her death to myself and siblings as he didn’t want my dad to inherit if my mum had died first (she outlived him by 20 years anyway). If he had survived her he would have been homeless. I know he felt very hurt by this.

I think if you exclude your son, especially because you evidently do not like his wife you will leave behind a legacy of both sadness and bitterness and possibly a broken relationship between your two children. Keep it equal.

The DD sounds very financially astute, not to mention money hungry, greedy and selfish. If it is true that over the years you have helped your DD with the purchase of three properties and your DS with nothing at all then it is time to exercise the power that you have now for the benefit of your son. I would add up how much DD has had over time, make provision for your son to have that amount in your will with anything left to be divided between your grandchildren. When it comes to the crunch we are all stronger than we think.

Sorry for your loss and the anxiety that has come with it. Your DIL has stayed the course even if some in the family do not like her. The DS has been humiliated by the arguments over the will. It is now your money. Get the wall drawn up with a trustworthy professional the way you want it….no discussions with your kids. Do it from love and not guilt, then set it aside and enjoy your life.

Really folks...... is any of this credible? I have this picture of M laughing his\her socks off at us.

Maddiedu

@freedom could you send a link? What was the outcome?

I'm not shafting my DS I know it's not right to leave him out I agree with people and what they're saying I want to do right by DD,DS GC

Maddiedu this is good news that you want to do what is right for your son.

Please do so. You are stronger than you think. You have a conscience and I notice that you said you love him.
Please be brave here and do what you want to do in your heart.
?

No, I cant find a link. It was well over a year ago. I remember it though because I felt the DD was scheming to get the entire inheritance and that she had been coddled and was the golden child. The OP of that thread listed the same reasons why she did not know what to do. I distinctly remember the reason being that the DD was clever and educated.

It really does not matter what the outcome of that case is, because each case is different. I could speculate what the outcome of your decisions would be, but I don't think that is what you want to hear.

The only thing I would suggest here is to think about your grandchildren.

So why listen to your daughter then?

@freedom could you send a link? What was the outcome?

I'm not shafting my DS I know it's not right to leave him out I agree with people and what they're saying I want to do right by DD,DS GC

I feel like we have heard this same story in the past. It involved an inheritance, an educated DD who wanted control of the money and the DS who was getting the shaft. It is interesting to me how similar these stories are.

Your DD has done quite nicely out of you and her late father. How awful that your DS has effectively been punished for being in a long-term relationship. That you can't see how bitterly unfair you've been, and your DD is in cahoots with you to keep him away from the money she wants to inherit, speaks volumes. Just horrid and so unkind.

I can't imagine leaving one of my children out of my will. What a way to tell him what he meant to you. Obviously it's up to you what you do with your will but it's not right that your DD is asking for all of it. Your son could also contest the will if you haven't made provision for him.

IMO, you leave the money to your child and it's up to them what they do with it. When I inherit from my parents (not that there will be much), my husband will benefit from it indirectly because we're a partnership, we have joint finances, what's mine is his. The same in reverse if he inherits from his parents. It's not realistic to have that division, especially in such a long term partnership.

I'd rather my parents do me a favour and tell me that they are leaving everything to my sibling and nothing to me in advance. At least then I know where I stand with them and can make sure they receive appropriate consideration from me in return.

No comment from the OP.??

As an addendum I’d just like to say that the legacy of hurt and pain you will leave your son if you disinherit him is nothing short of cruel. Not because of the money, but because of what it says about your complete lack of consideration and respect for him.

None of my children would ever dream of usurping a sibling, they defend one another to the hilt. I find it surprising that you don’t seem able to grasp how completely out of order your daughter is being. I don’t know if she is selfish and manipulative, but on the basis of the situation as you’ve described it her behaviour certainly indicates those traits.

As an addendum I’d just like to say that the legacy of hurt and pain you will leave your son if you disinherit him is nothing short of cruel. Not because of the money, but because of what it says about your complete lack of consideration and respect for him.

None of my children would ever dream of usurping a sibling, they defend one another to the hilt. I find it surprising that you don’t seem able to grasp how completely out of order your daughter is being. I don’t know if she is selfish and manipulative, but on the basis of the situation as you’ve described it her behaviour certainly indicates those traits.

Ladyleftfieldlover

It seems to me that the OP is making all this up! The whole thing sounds like fantasy.

Oh it’s undoubtedly made up! Helps with the site stats tho ? But sometimes I’m in the mood to play along ?

Have you no relationship with your daughter-in-law after twenty years? Is there any evidence that she has plans to leave your son if he inherits money? How does your son feel about the favouritism that has been repeatedly shown to his sister?

It’s been five years since your husband died, time enough I think to apply your own conscience to this situation. I feel very sad for your son and your daughter-in-law and think the suspicion with which they are being treated is truly awful. What you are planning to do seems to be so unkind that I’m afraid if I was your daughter-in-law and had so much as an inkling about how I was regarded I wouldn’t touch your money with a barge pole.

Wow, I hope this is not a real post because poor son and dil!
What have they done to deserve such a black sheep treatment?

Your husband was not a very good person.
Why classify any dil in the same gold digger category?

Your daughter is a moocher and a gold digger and cut of the same cloth as her father.
She got 3 houses and a divorce from you and your husband!

Make your own financial decisions, stop consulting a person who is worse off if everything doesnt go to her.
Your daughter is the worst advisor ever.

You and your husband worked hard for that money- both of you, not just him.

I'm so sorry you lost your husband. And I'm also sorry if my advice seems hurtful to you, but I'm so astonished you don't seem to have seen this for yourself that I'm going to spell it out for you.

1) Your DD sounds very greedy. She's already had thousands of pounds from you, but she wants you to leave all you have to her? Of course your son would be hurt! And as your DD is being so grasping, I wouldn't put much faith in her words about "seeing her brother and his kids right".

2) I pity your DIL. For 20 years she's been married to a man, whose 2 children she's borne and brought up, and as they're still married I assume she's made him happy, but her FIL - you don't mention your own feelings towards her - never for a moment counted her as family. That's just harsh.

3) The money is now yours. Your DD has no say in how you spend, save, or leave it in your will. She's very mouthy about what her father would have wanted - what about what her MOTHER wants? Does that not matter?

If, as I hope is the case, you love your son at least as much as you love your DD then please, please, accept that he and your DIL are a family unit, and to discriminate against him because of a paranoid and to be frank, rather ugly assumption, that she'll leave and take him to the cleaners would be very wrong and unkind.

She says If I leave it all to her, she will see all of the grandchildren and her brother right as and when they need it but make sure DIL can't benefit from it and I know she will.

And she's to be sole judge and jury........they'll never see a penny. She'll never consider their needs valid over and above her own greed. If you want to be as hateful to your son as his father was you'll do as your daughter wants, otherwise you can show your love for your son and leave your estate 50/50 and your daughter will still have had far more.

ladyleftfieldlover It would not suprise me that you are right and this thread is made up. No one can be that pathetic and weak.
If it is true I despair for the son growing up with a couple of nasty greedy people, and a Mother/ wife who had/has no backbone.
Like I said I was the one left out and it does affect you. I hope this is made up, for the sons sake.