To wish she would be the same with us?

This is surely a wind up!

Sago

This is exactly why our butler got the heave ho!

?

How many staff do you employ TopsyandTim?

Personally, I would keep it professional. You don’t know each other very well and getting too friendly can lead to difficulties. You pay her to do her job, for me that is where is starts and ends, no problem as long as you are happy with her work.

Callistemon

I'm sorry you're having problems with your staff, TopsyAndTim; wasn't it the other day you were having problems with the person who takes your children swimming?

Perhaps they are not certain exactly where they stand with you, as you said you normally took her to your house but now she's upset because you dropped her at the end of the road and didn't let her in the house.

Now you want the housekeeper to be your friend but she wants to keep it on a professional footing.

I think you need to clarify your expectations in your own mind and set out the terms of the contracts so that everyone knows what is or is not expected of them.

Oh dear - TopsyandTim - you seem to treat your friends like staff (the swimming debacle) and yet want your staff to be your friends.
Can you see a pattern here?

How I used to hate PTA ‘social events’. It was the parents social life, but for me it was just another (unpaid) work obligation.

And having to say yes to the Head of Departments get-togethers.

Always an off feeling if you said no. I mean, isn’t the OP feeling a bit off with her employee right now?

(I don’t care if Topsy is a bit fake, it’s an interesting topic, socialisation in the work place)

A friend of ours is a Nanny (Norland) and lives in and goes away with the family, who also have other staff, she can’t wait to get to her own home on her time off, she is friendly but professional and I don’t think she would stay with a family who wanted her as a friend as well.
You can’t buy friendship by employing people. That’s just weird, boundaries have to be put in place.
Why did your last Housekeeper leave?

Esspee

I have never had a housekeeper as I preferred to run my own home but have had full and part time staff. While we often took the maid on vacation to babysit and she was treated extremely well at no point would we have considered it socialising.

I wonder if you live in another country Esspee ( no reason why you shouldn’t ) but a phrase like “we often took the maid on vacation to babysit” does sound a bit Downton Abbey ???

My experience is that friendships blossom naturally and without pressure and sometimes even in spite of ourselves. My besty of 62 years was someone I didn't particularly like initially.

Callistermon sounds a LOT of mixed messages going on in topsys life doesn’t there

Sago

This is exactly why our butler got the heave ho!

Surely, you mean your previous butler?

I'm sorry you're having problems with your staff, TopsyAndTim; wasn't it the other day you were having problems with the person who takes your children swimming?

Perhaps they are not certain exactly where they stand with you, as you said you normally took her to your house but now she's upset because you dropped her at the end of the road and didn't let her in the house.

Now you want the housekeeper to be your friend but she wants to keep it on a professional footing.

I think you need to clarify your expectations in your own mind and set out the terms of the contracts so that everyone knows what is or is not expected of them.

AmberSpyglass

I know - it just feels like there’s a level of expectation there which is totally understandable and not intended to be pushy at all. It sounds nice, it’s something I’d like in that position! But an increasing emphasis across the board on colleagues being friends and family is, I think, really unhealthy and often leads to toxic workplaces. It’s not easy to turn down the offer to socialise from your boss and even if the OP would never penalise her for not joining them, it still puts the housekeeper in a tricky position.

Fair point.
I just like everything to be nice and lovely, totally unrealistically, usually.

I have never had a housekeeper as I preferred to run my own home but have had full and part time staff. While we often took the maid on vacation to babysit and she was treated extremely well at no point would we have considered it socialising.

I know - it just feels like there’s a level of expectation there which is totally understandable and not intended to be pushy at all. It sounds nice, it’s something I’d like in that position! But an increasing emphasis across the board on colleagues being friends and family is, I think, really unhealthy and often leads to toxic workplaces. It’s not easy to turn down the offer to socialise from your boss and even if the OP would never penalise her for not joining them, it still puts the housekeeper in a tricky position.

Agreed, but op hasn't said she will make the woman be friends with her.
She hasn't said she will give her less wages unless she agrees to be friends.
She has just said it would be nice if the woman was willing.

But OP can like and value her without a friendship being in place. That shouldn’t be expected or pushed for. Maybe she just wants to be an employee and not a friend. That’s absolutely fine and doesn’t affect her job.

It's no different from having any paid help.
Why would someone feel bad?

But she doesn’t have to be close with you. That’s not her job. Don’t expect additional emotional labour from her just to make you feel better about the fact that you have a housekeeper.

I just do not agree that it is a good idea to encourage too much familiarity from the staff.

They do need to know the boundaries otherwise they start to take advantage. Why, this afternoon the gardener came indoors without taking off his shoes!

I had to tell the housekeeper to remind him of his place.

From my humble social position I find it hard to get my head round this household with a housekeeper, cleaners and helpers with whom OP socialises and who come to dinner .
What do all these people DO?
In the US a cleaner is sometimes referred to as a housekeeper - does OP live there? Or is this some commercial establishment like a hotel or a care home?
I once had a cleaner who was a friend (first) because she needed the money and I was going under with three children, a sick husband and a full time job. That was very different though.
Or is it all a wind-up?

I may be imagining this , but did you post about this some time ago ?

Well, I think that's nice.

@misadventure That is exactly it.
She was close to the other family so clearly not because of boundaries. Maybe she just doesn't like us as much but hopefully over time we can form a friendship like the one she had with the other lady.
We really like her and value her too.

Just as the others have said, professional boundaries may be the issue here. You employ her to do a job. That's as far as her obligations to you go. I understand it might be nice if you can be closer but that either happens naturally, or doesn't. Don't push it. If she's doing a good job as a housekeeper, be happy with that.