Looking after grandchildren whilst ill

The one from Blueant at 08-31 on 9/11 explains what happened

Read the posts!

BlueAnt

What happened in the end? Did you leave DH to deal with them?
Did they get the bug?

Wow I'm a new mum and I'd never do that to my parents or husbands parents. I understand they want to see their friends but unfortunately for them parenting comes first. How incredibly selfish of them.

frankly, i don't think most AC carefully weigh up and decide their parents/in-laws are fit and able enough to look after young children.
they just see a convenient source of usually free child-care and grab it.
i have seen it many times with people i know.
the elders are often run ragged and exhausted.

Do you think you've all had the norovirus? My son has been extremely poorly with it. Best wishes for your speedy recovery.

I just rang DD and asked her what she thought. Her answer was "FIVE NIGHTS???" and that was before she knew they were ill. She was completely speechless by the end of the story.

Blueant Well done and wise and perceptive decisions made for the future - particularly ensuring that you are heard

As I see it there is a fine line between being flattered that our AC believe we are fit enough and have the energy to look after their children and the reality namely that there is generally a good reason why we do not have babies in our 60’s.
It can be depressing though if our AC make it obvious that they think we are too old for Granny duty , so it can be very hard to say No when asked.
Some years ago when GSs 1 and 2 were just 2 1/2 and 10 months, DH and I found ourselves agreeing to move into D and SIL’s house to look after the boys while they flew to New York for the weekend.- flying out Friday, back Tuesday morning.
Absolute lunacy. In hindsight it was a stupid idea fraught with danger but at the time we were in our early /mid 60’s and it was flattering that they thought we were up to it. And n fact we felt up to it.
DH had developed a cough and a migraine by the end of the Saturday and fortunately D2 plus boyfriend came up from London for the Sunday as extra pairs of hands and then D’s daily nanny was back at work on the Monday.
No way would I agree to anything like that again and in your case OP I think your woes were compounded by all of you catching whatever the little one had and your DH not speaking out when he had the chance. It doesn’t sound as if you had any back up,either, which I would now always insist on- what if either of you had had to be hospitalised?
Whatever it was, it should be a lesson to us all that we are not Supergran and while it may sound harsh, the bottom line in childcare is “Their children, their problem”

That's terrible. I can't believe how selfish your daughter and son in law have been. Are they normally like this to is it out of character.
Apart from apparently not caring at all about your health they don't seem to care about the comfort of their own children.
I am progressive in most things and don't begrudge parents enjoying themselves and having time to themselves but I think once people decide to have children they should always put their needs first. And if that means not going to party they have looked forward to for a long time so be it.

Well you have got through it, an unusual situation and hopefully a one off. The main issue is, as you have said, no one paid attention to what you were saying. I think that this experience will make you much more wary of committing in the future. Hopefully you will feel better after a few good nights rest.

I’m with other posters on here - your DH has contributed more than his fair share to this mess, so stay in bed and let him deal with the children until your daughter and son in law come to pick them up. And when you’re both feeling better, I would be having a conversation with him to explain how badly he has let you down by not having your back when you clearly had serious concerns.

I’m sorry but when your daughter and son in law arrive I would be letting them have all your pent up anger and frustration, regardless of how your DH feels. How utterly irresponsible to leave a young child who’s clearly so unwell as to be vomiting. As soon as you messaged them to advise what was happening they should have come straight back, regardless of what your DH said - to carry on ‘partying’ while fully aware of the awful situation you’re in is inexcusable. And definitely don’t let them stay with you overnight - judging by how quickly it passed to you and your DH you may end up looking after them if they come down with it. If they have a four hour drive after picking up the children, they should factor this in, arrive earlier to collect the children and go straight home. Staying in an hotel may solve the problem but irresponsible IMO as it risks a wider outbreak of a clearly very contagious bug.

As you say, it may cause a rift if you speak out, but I think you need to. They left you in an awful situation and they need to know that that can’t happen again.

Totally selfish of the parents, hard to believe they can be so uncaring. And no backup from your DH - words fail me. Hope you’re all feeling better.

Yes...well done. Make sure you stick to it, and don’t get railroaded again.

Hope you’re all feeling better.

Well done you Blueant- you've handled this so well. Bravo.

So nice of you to come back and tell us what happened. Good for you taking to your bed, and glad you’ve resolved the situation without causing a rift. Look after yourself going forwards.

Blueant, so glad to hear that you took our advice!

Glad all went ok Blueant. I have a similar dh so do understand

Would say that the parents should have cut their trip short and returned but if your dh downplayed the situation ....?

Thanks all for your advice and support-it was a huge help to me and made me feel less alone. I’m so glad I posted.
I did as many of you suggested and took to my bed, leaving my DH to go it alone with the grandkids (felt a bit mean, but I just didn’t have it in me to help). My DD and SiL returned yesterday evening: DD was full of sympathy, flowers and offers of help, but didn’t mention their decision not to return early, and I think I have to hold my DH responsible for that as he clearly did a great job of telling them we would manage and they mustn’t cut short their weekend! This is very typical of him: he will always put himself out for other people-even at his own expense (and in this instance mine as well). He’s been very sweet and solicitous since handing the responsibility for the grandkids back to their parents, and we’ve told our DD that we won’t mind the kids in future if they’re not well, and not for five days as it’s too long at their age. Aside from that, I think I need to practice making myself heard so that I don’t get railroaded into something like this again! I’m glad this hasn’t escalated into something that could’ve caused a rift between us, but I will be much clearer about my needs moving forwards instead of letting them get pushed to the bottom of the heap.
Once again, thank you all so much for taking the time to send me your thoughts: they really did help! ?

What bad luck this happened, had the children been well you would probably have had a really lovely experience with them.
We had our gd for 5 days when she was 15 months and really enjoyed it all BUT we were not sick which makes all the difference in the world.
I hope you feel better soon, rest now and let them get on with things. Then have a firm talk with your husband.

I don't think I could leave 2 toddlers for that long and my (very much shorter) trip would have been cancelled the moment one was poorly.

That's just me though, I dont know much about these parents otherwise so don't want to judge them too harshly.

I'm sorry your time with your grandchildren wasnt what you hoped.

I honestly wouldn't say too much except the facts because it sounds like it could cause problems with them and husband... Wait to see if they are apologetic and appreciative I suppose and go from there

Appalling behaviour from your daughter and son in law. Just unbelievably selfish and irresponsible. And as for your husband....

I would wait until you're feeling a bit stronger and then I'd be having serious words all round. This whole situation was unacceptable and deeply distressing for you and for their sick son. They should be deeply ashamed of themselves, and your husband needs to cop himself on.

I have just asked both my children What they think, I know what I think, they both agreed with me , and find it quite honestly appalling! None of them would have gone in the first place if any of their children had been vomiting the morning they left, they would be straight back if the vomiting started after they had left, very selfish behaviour from the parents beggars belief! That they think so little of what you were doing that they refused to come back early, we can’t understand you DH attitude either

Terrible situation. I'd not babysit for them again, ever. They could stay the night elsewhere, anywhere except in my home. As for H, I'd be furious. Stand your ground.