Helicopter parenting

My daughter is no helicopter parent but she did organise a job experience post for my granddaughter . Nearly all the parents did at that particular school. Just expected really. At least she got a decent position and learnt a lot from it. Contrast with one of my daughters who got herself a job at pizza hut. Treated like a dog, exploited and put on the dangerous midnight shifts.Glad to say the place closed down years ago.

I'm not sure what DD did. I think she may have worked in our friend's fish and chip shop. As she went to spend 7 years at university doing a BSc and a PhD before she ended up as a researcher there nothing the school organised would have been much use to her. DS worked for the theatrical lighting company that his father worked for. Fun to do but he went on to train as a chef, so again not very relevant.

I did help DD with her PhD - doing lots and lots of typing because she was getting very short of time.

Shropshirelass

I thought the schools had suitable placements as they have to be checked out first. This was the case with my children anyway.

The school will have checked all their placements, if a pupil found their own placement, as my daughter did, they too had to be checked out by the school.

Similarly, some students attended on the first day and never returned, seeing it as an opportunity to bunk off for a week or two with their friends. That was particularly galling when the school had put so much effort into securing them suitable placements.
Oh yes, we had those too! One lad got a placement at a Premier football team's ground but only stayed a day and a half becsaue he's expected to be training with them, another one got a placement at a golf course but left at the first lunchtime because someone had asked him to tidy an equipment area and he wanted to play golf. His Mummsie was totally supportive of his unrealistic ideas too.
They never realised, or cared, that their petulant behaviour damaged relationships between the providers and the school for future years.

Galaxy

School arranged all work experience when I was that age, I certainly had no part in it other than turning up.

When I was srill teaching it was half and half, some motivated pupils arranged their own placements, which were then obviously vetted by the school, and the school had a list of places for the rest. Even then, almost 20 years ago parents were too involved, ringing up school 'Where does s/he get the bus?' 'What about dinner arrangements?' 'Any special clothing?' and no matter how many times we explained that this was a part of the process, going to the initial meeting and finding these things out for themselves, they continued.

It all sounds very hit and miss with the work experience.
One DS said he wanted to be a farmer, from an early age, and chose to work at the agricultural college. He was completely put off by the experience!
He works for the Royal Mail now and enjoys the fresh air but cleaning pigs in a big cold barn was not for him.

I know I'm talking well over a decade ago but when my son's were looking for work placements, we had letters home from the schools encouraging us parents NOT to get involved because our children would soon enough be needing to apply for proper jobs and mummy and daddy wouldn't be thanked by prospective employers for getting involved.

I just think kids these days have it all far too easy, make them get on with it for themselves, they tell their parents to butt out of enough other things so why not this?
(Fans Tin hat expecting fallout) ?

Thanks,*MamaB247*, for your story of self-reliance. I'm immensely proud of both my sons and their teenage children who have all used their initiative to find part-time work while still at school. Most recently, I received a photo of DGS(16) wearing chef's whites in a pizza kitchen. His dad had no idea he was going to walk in and ask for the job! I don't imagine he's going to make a career in that sphere, but it's all about flexibility nowadays.

Defo agree, It reminds me of my first job as a teenager at a locks garage washing cars and leading to becoming a valetor. I remember my first boss telling me that the reason he hired me was because despite my pint size and the fact I didn't look much older than ten. I walked in and asked for a job, whereas so many others had enquired about the job by ways of mummy and daddy foning for them. He said he didn't want someone who worked for him to be so indecisive that they rang mum or dad to make an important decision for them. I remember a neighbour's parents kicking off over it because I had no training (I mean what training did you need) yet her son was turned down even though his dad owned a car repair company and he'd been around cars all his life. Within a week I was left alone in charge of a showroom full if cars at the tender age of 16 looking like a 10-11 year old due to growth hormone issues. She thought that was so wrong because her precious entitled son didn't get that job. But he'd never made contact himself at all.

Our sons were asked for three areas of work that they would like for their work experience. Their school then told them what was available in those areas or allocated a placement. Our only help through that process was to provide travel expenses, packed lunches if necessary, and clean clothes! All three of them enjoyed their wk.exp. and went on to follow careers in those areas of work.

When I worked in a secondary school it was often my 'misfortune' to assist with the work experience program for Yrs10 & 11. It never failed to amaze me what some parents asked the school to do for their children eg:

Could we provide transport or taxis to get them to/from their placement or even drive them there ourselves?
Could we accompany them because little 'Freddie' had never been on a bus/train and he'd get lost!
Could we pay their travel expenses and/or lunch money?
Could we provide new clothes?
Could we ensure that 'Tracy' worked only with women because they didn't want her mixing with boys/men? What did they think she did at school every day!
Could we tell Toya's employer not to criticise her because it would upset her and she'd cry?
Could we pay for 'Trisha' to have her nails and hair extensions done so she'd look nice?
And perhaps the best one, Could they take their child on holiday instead of doing the work experience because they weren't interested.

I kid you not!!

Some parents refused to let their children do work experience at all as they considered it to be free labour for businesses. Some employers did pay the students, some didn't.

Similarly, some students attended on the first day and never returned, seeing it as an opportunity to bunk off for a week or two with their friends. That was particularly galling when the school had put so much effort into securing them suitable placements.

But one boy has always stuck in my mind. He wasn't the most academic student and his teachers worried that he would end up in a dead-end job or unemployed. He asked if he could work with his father who was an animal welfare inspector, with a view to doing that work himself. His father and the school both said No. But such a specialised placement elsewhere was hard to find, so his father agreed but warned him he wouldn't enjoy it and would probably give up after a few days. He spent 2 weeks working long hours with his father who certainly showed him the worst side of the job. At the end of it the boy said it had really been an eye opener and he was so proud of what his dad did, and he still wanted to work with animals. He did, and after a few years with animal welfare he studied to become a vet, and qualified. We were all very proud of him.

My son’s school got him work experience at Hungry Jacks a burger bar.
My son hated it & left after 2 days
He told the career advisor at school why
he left. I called her to apologise for him not sticking it out Her reply to me was
“It was great he left as now he knows that’s not the kind of job he wants as a career”
She then placed him with a printer
He loved it there & showed all the staff how to use their new computer system
Even then he was a bit of an IT whizz kid.
He stayed with that job ages after work experience finished & the printer paid him for his work.
Now he designs & sells drones for his own company
A very self motivated man & I’m immensely proud of him.

I know it was a good few years ago but both my daughters found their own work-placements. Eldest asked my sister and went to her company for a few weeks, younger asked her peripatetic music teacher if she could shadow him.
They both got a credit in their final assessments. Those pupils who used a placement organised by the school got no certificate.

Peacelily that's extraordinary! Surely the parent couldn't have done all the work for the DD.
I do know of one young man who found his mother had enrolled at the same university and was there on the first day. Poor chap

My DD was working in the welfare office at a Scottish university. One request she had was from parents asking if she could buy their DD a coat! She did.

Cossy

I think before we all start judging we should perhaps look at the bigger picture, lots of young people now have conditions which simply weren’t diagnosed in our day such as dyslexia, adhd, autism and a mind blowing amount of mental health problems. Lots of these things weren’t picked up many years ago and kids were just labelled thick, bad, naughty or mad ! I think most parents would do what they could to help their kids and most do grow into normal independent adults

I agree, Cossy, but doing things for them is not going to make them 'normal independent adults'. It's going to make them less capable, if they have never learnt to do things for themselves.

I think it's particularly bad when parents get involved in education, such as the example from Peacelily. Apart from the fact that it is fraudulent to pass oneself off as having passed a degree (or whatever) when someone else has done the work, it is unfair to those who have done it honestly, by themselves, and who may also have conditions that have made it more difficult for them.

You are right that life can be more difficult for people with the conditions you mention; but there is a lot more (honest) help available than there used to be, and cheating is cheating, whether someone starts at a disadvantage or not. A qualification at any level should be proof that the holder is capable of doing whatever is written on the certificate, and if their mother has done it for them the whole process is devalued.

I know it is not the same but I find it odd that some kids have no concept of using public transport as the parents take them everywhere. They have no concept of budgeting as the parents pay all the bills. I once worked with a woman whose parents paid for a house so the son could take home his lady friends for the night! Even paid all the bills and washed the bedding.

With 3 children all with additional needs I did and do help my now adult children. But I have no part in their achievements I merely showed them the door they opened it and went through it. Everything after was theirs, including degrees and employment. I'm definitely a HP by your definition though

I think before we all start judging we should perhaps look at the bigger picture, lots of young people now have conditions which simply weren’t diagnosed in our day such as dyslexia, adhd, autism and a mind blowing amount of mental health problems. Lots of these things weren’t picked up many years ago and kids were just labelled thick, bad, naughty or mad ! I think most parents would do what they could to help their kids and most do grow into normal independent adults

I thought the schools had suitable placements as they have to be checked out first. This was the case with my children anyway.

I've seen some horrifying HPing in my time. I saw one girl have all her degree and master's dissertations re-written by her own mother. The daughter went on to get a 1st degree and 'highly distinguished' masters. But whose qualifications are they really?
The daughter was childish, spoilt, rude, sullen, prone to tantrums and rather anti-social. I can't help thinking the effect of HP created this in her.

My children's work experiences were arranged by their school. My children didn't have to do it.

Always thought WE was organised through schools or education department's particularly section. Surely the employer has to be vetted as to what exactly the student would be offered and of course all the security checks as required. Leave the young folk to it, its their choice as to which road they want to travel.

Nanny27

At the school where I worked for many years students were given access to a list of local businesses who were happy to take a student on work experience. The student, having selected a placement had to then phone the business and arrange an interview. He or she would be given the time off school to attend the interview. An excellent experience for the student and a good way the ensure that the placement was appropriate. Only special needs students were allowed to gain work experience with a friend or family member.

This seems to me to be an example of good practice that should be followed by more schools.

I think it is unfair to judge parents in these circumstances because kids all develop at different rates.

That's a fair point, Icanhandthemback. I'm talking about trends rather than individual cases, but of course you are right.

At the school where I worked for many years students were given access to a list of local businesses who were happy to take a student on work experience. The student, having selected a placement had to then phone the business and arrange an interview. He or she would be given the time off school to attend the interview. An excellent experience for the student and a good way the ensure that the placement was appropriate. Only special needs students were allowed to gain work experience with a friend or family member.

None of the schools my kids were at provided placements or details of placements. Some of our kids needed initial input from us, others were independent. All of them have grown up to be independent with exception of the one who managed to find her own work experience but suffers from anxiety now. I think it is unfair to judge parents in these circumstances because kids all develop at different rates.