Charging family for Christmas lunch

In the days when I hosted family Christmases I never expected our guests to bring anything but they always brought wine, liqueurs, chocolates, nice cheeses which were gratefully received. These days I’m the guest and always take the pudding , brandy butter, brandy cream etc. also make a vegetarian stuffing as I don’t like sausage meat, bread sauce and braised red cabbage. In fact anything that’s a bit fiddly to make as I have more time to do it.
I wouldn’t object to making a financial contribution either but it depends on how it’s approached I think. If the lunch is being charged for as in a restaurant I think Id be a bit taken aback but if there’s been a discussion beforehand along the lines of “ I’m very happy to host if everybody helps out with the cost” that’s an informal agreement that’s worked out in advance.

It’s absolutely appalling and very mean spirited, if you cannot comfortably afford to host then don’t or do the Turkey and get all attending to bring different dishes and share the cost but when the hosts earn considerably more then their guests and use leftovers to show largesse to friends at neighbours at the cost of family it is utterly unacceptable

Many years ago all the family (around 11 of us) always went to my brother in law's as he and his wife loved to cater ......we all helped but the kitchen was small so the two of them usually did it all and then we all helped tidy and wash up ....it was a lovely day ...with some who didn't live locally sleeping on the sofa/anywhere ......my in law's gave the couple around £70 and we all chipped in with a donation ...absolutey had NO problem with that ! Later on, my sister in law married someone with lots of money and said no donation is required when hosting the whole lot of relatives .....she also had a large house so everyone who wanted could stay as driving home late at night after all the food and drink would have not been a good idea !...............

If you can’t afford to host then you don’t host. Simple as. To ask for money is disgusting. Wouldn’t attend anybodys do for cash and would put them at arms length for the rest of my days.

I wonder if the friends and family involved can send back dated invoices for any events attended by this greedy couple.

Have they know pride? Perhaps they consider people will feel honoured to attend!

Its a bad show and the height of bad manners! Dont ask people if you cannot afford to be a host is my opinion.

It's outrageous, mean, inhospitable and totally unacceptable. They sound ghastly!

A family I know would usually meet at the parents’ home. After the parents moved to a small flat the eldest daughter took over the hosting aa she has the most spacious home. However the first year she did it they had 2 very young children, one only a few weeks old. So they bought everything ready made from M and S and split the cost. Now the children are older the daughter hosts in the normal way with contributions from her guests. I would never charge for anything but would ask people to bring things if I was struggling to budget.

YANBU. How on earth can they ask for money especially from their own parents? I think it's awful.

You are absolutely NBU!! What a cheek. In my opinion, it’s fine to have a well-organised do where everyone brings something (when my big family had a big Boxing Day do, I was “a whole glazed ham and many, many mince pies”. There’s something very vulgar and mean-spirited about asking for money, isn’t there?

YAnbu!! I'm glad you have declined, I certainly would have. Have a nice, relaxing Christmas x

Bloody rude. I would politely decline to attend.

FarNorth

I think there's no harm in it if the hosts are upfront that they need contributions to the cost because they can't afford it all themselves.
If the hosts can afford it but choose not to, that's different.

But if you cannot afford the cost, why are you inviting people? Issuing an invitation to any meal presumes you have the means to pay for it without charging your guests. There should not even be any expectation of a contribution be it a dish to add to the table or a bottle of something. If someone offers either, then I see no problem in saying something along the lines of it would be great if they could make their lovely apple pie for dessert, or just bring a bottle. As other people have said, my usual response is "no, just bring yourselves".

It’s ridiculous in my opinion. If folk are happy to pay to attend then all well and good, but I’d be telling them “ no thanks”. You invite folk to join you with absolutely no expectations whatsoever.

I can't believe someone would charge you for your meal, I have never heard the like. Bah bloomin Humbug! Gone are the days when you arrived with a bottle of wine.

I also meant to add to my post that I wouldn't use the word a 'charge' for each person. I prefer the words 'share the cost'.

Years ago it was considered the norm that if you invite people over for a meal then you would naturally pay for it yourself. It was always this way when I was younger.

However, over recent years it has become much more expensive to host a meal and while some would love the opportunity to allow the family to get together over a meal, being unable to afford it may prohibit them from doing so. I think this would be such a shame.

One of the best aspects of being in a family is when they come together. This is such a nice event, especially over a meal. What a shame it would be, then, if these events didn't take place because those prepared to host such an event were unable to afford it? Where are we putting the priority here? On the meal itself or the fact that people who care about each other are coming together as a family?

Instead of putting the priority on whether someone can afford to host a meal or not, I would prefer to put the priority on being grateful that the person hosting the event was actually prepared to host the event, which in itself is a lot of work. And I would also be grateful that person was giving the family a chance to get together in a cordial way over a meal.

Times are changing. Younger people don't always have the money to host an event, especially if they have children or a lot of people to buy presents for. What they can offer, however, is their energy to host an event for everyone to enjoy.

I would be more than happy to contribute my share towards this kind of event, and frequently do.

Absolutely not.. Ive never heard of charging family for dinner...If you can't afford to entertain for a dinner, then just invite for an evening mince pie and wine. Or don't entertain.. Ebenezer Scrooge springs to mind.

My family usually come to my house for Christmas dinner, because I have more room. They tend to bring a dish of something, or wine, but I don't expect it. I do expect help to lay tables, clear and wash up, nd usually get it. lol

Daughter, her 2 teenage children and myself will be going to my youngest son's house on xmas evening. He can well afford to provide all the snacks , for all of us and would have done so, but his wife is very 'tight' (sweet girl though). So, I may be giving them some money towards it. I say 'may' because I still think, why should I ? Surely, they can afford to treat us. I will take some drinks ofcourse.

my 2 girls are buying the meat and we cook and provide everything else, not asked to it's just their contribution, we provide a roast dinner every Sunday all year

I'm lost for words!

PS Love Old Wolf's comment. Made me think if I was the gran who'd been asked for payment I might alert Elf and Safety about it instead!

Unbelievable!! No way would I accept an invitation on those terms. I'd have told him/her where to stuff their turkey!

I host a buffet during Christmas week for around 15/16 people. I would never ask for a contribution. If it was a struggle for me financially, then I'd simply say I'm going to skip it this year as it's getting so expensive. I certainly wouldn't accept an invitation of this kind.

A few years ago a friend suggested we do Christmas together at her house. We are both divorced and each had 2 young adult children at home along with another divorced friend whose adult kids were going to his ex wife. We each brought contributions but shared the costs and shared the leftovers too. It was nice to have the bigger gathering but it wasn't an invitation with a price for a ticket! We agreed to share the costs fairly. I have happy memories of that Christmas day but it sounds as if the invitation Mapleleaf received is somewhat different. Quite sad really!