Now, is it just me, and this is the way things are done nowadays so I’m behind the times? Had invitation for Christmas lunch at a family members home, along with other family members, but the person doing the lunch requests all who would like to attend pay them x amount for the privilege, to cover the costs of the food and drink (this includes their parents having to pay, too).
Now, whenever I’ve hosted Christmas lunch, or other events, I’ve never asked the ones I invite to pay for the privilege of eating with me. Some have offered to bring something along - perhaps a dessert, some cheese, a bottle of wine, etc, which was welcome and kind- but this was never an expectation on my part, and I certainly wouldn’t have it as a condition of them being able to come, my view being that I was offering an invitation to join us for lunch or tea, not expecting them to pay or bring something as a condition for coming to it.
I will also add that the people asking for this donation have had, and continue to have, many things given to them without expectation of recompense, over the year, (every year) from many members of the family they are inviting. I think it’s especially poor that they are charging their parents, who always see them “alright” over the year.
Those invited also help with the preparation of the meal and the tidying up afterwards, plus they bring along “extras”.
The ones doing the inviting earn a high income between them - considerably more than those they are inviting to lunch (indeed, the majority are now on a low pension).
They also like to host a buffet and boozy get together on Boxing Day night for their friends and neighbours, using what’s left of the food and drink their family have paid for for their Christmas lunch, which I think is an incredible cheek (or is that just me?) - surely, if there were left overs, those invited for Christmas lunch should be having goody bags to take home left overs for which they have paid, not leaving it as a freebie for these friends and neighbours of the host.
Now, maybe I am being “bah, humbug”, but this charging doesn’t sit easily with me, although many family members have accepted the invitation with this charge (though not everyone).
So, am I being unreasonable to think this is not right, or am I completely old fashioned and behind the times? It’s just I thought such invitations to go to family for lunch were just that - invitations, with no provisos. Therefore, if you can’t afford to host a meal for extended family members, then you don’t offer to host one?
My sister would add everything up,even down to loo rolls,and charge accordingly. I’ve only found this out recently,and am gob smacked…although I shouldn’t be really. She’s wealthy. I can’t imagine charging my adult kids anything. They all just bring something.
I’m only to happy and grateful that they do come home.
Good for you for not going.
either a wind up, or they don't want you .
We have up to 25 of us for Christmas in normal times, everyone brings something, either pudding, cheeses, cocs, drink, crackers ,wine, vegetables all planned, the host does the turkey and table setting..
Maybe they are not as well off as you think or are just tight. If you don’t like it don’t go.
Book a lovely Christmas lunch at a nice hotel/restaurant which you don't mind paying for since there will be young staff giving up their day off to serve you or people who need to work to make ends meet rather than your money grabbing family asking you to pay to come to a family home for what should be a family meal served with cheer and kindness.
YANBU. Even if they were not apparently better off than most of their guests this is just MEAN.
By all means encourage guests to bring part of the meal, the host could keep a list to help them to decide what to contribute. And guests like to contribute to festive meals so I'm sure most of them would offer.
My daughter and I are doing just this, she's made a list of what she will do and I have done the same. We're going to compare lists at the last minute and share out any other purchases. My DS is usually short of money so we wouldn't dream of asking him to contribute, but I'm guessing that he will bring some nice chocolates or similar. My DS and DIL will come with the children and do the same, as will any other neighbours who would like to come.
I'm gobsmacked. Unbelievably rude and thoughtless. I hope you enjoy Christmas some other way.................
Perhaps you might also try asking them whether they charge all guests for lunch, dinner or any other occasion.
I'm sure that cannot actually be legal. Surely if one charges for a meal, one would be subject to health, safety and hygiene laws ...not to mention Income Tax and VAT. I think I would ask to see their Public Liability Insurance and and Environmental Health Certificates. 
I'm horrified but much more interested in why they think they should do this. If this isn't common practice in your family can you ask them why they think they should do so? I'd be really interested to know the reasoning - if any.
What a strange idea! I hosted Christmas and Boxing Day for thirty years until one of my sons took it over ten years ago. Any food/drink offerings from guests were welcome, but not expected. If anyone asked me what they could bring I always said Just yourself! And meant it. I wouldn't have accepted money and would have been embarrassed if offered it. ( Actually when Oldest Son did it for the first time DH wanted to give him some money but I restrained him.)
I've hosted Christmas for over 40 years, from being a struggling young family to retired parents. No-one ever brought a contribution, nor was it expected. In our young family days, I saved towards the big day (Co-op divi!) or collected things like the pudding, drink, sweets and seasonal goodies gradually. Then we'd be skint for January! We have eaten out more lately and, if we ask family to come, we pay for the meal.
If they can't afford to host everyone, they shouldn't do it.
Sorry if this has already been posted, I’ve not had chance to read all of the replies. There was a lady in the newspaper who is charging her guests £35 per head or £70 if they want alcohol!! She is even charging her own children and out of the products is getting a manicure, massage and facial for all her efforts. Unbelievable!!
Oh no no no no! If affording the food and drink is a problem then should be open about it and suggest a bring and share. Can be interesting mix of comestibles, but no one coming is really coming from hunger, but to meet friends and family. From what you say, they want you all round theirs but intend to make a bit out of the do. NO WAY - that's not how family treat each other!
How mean - I wouldn't want to go either, and subsidising the entertaining of neighbours would really wind me up!
If they were not well off it may have been understandable to ask you all to provide a dish or dessert, etc, but you say are not poor- or if they were donating the cash to charity, maybe acceptable- but to ask family to pay, yet NOT ask the friends & neighbours to pay for their drinks bash is unacceptable in my view.(they wont want the neighbours thinking they cant afford a 'do' will they?)??
Absolutely outrageous…tell them to do one and have a lovely Christmas on your own! Cheeky beggars!
I would be insulted especially as a parent who has helped out during the year and all their lives. If I went, I would take a couple of bottles of wine or whatever you drink and ask if you can make something to help out but certainly I would not PAY what a cheek,
Perhaps this is a sign of the times and other people are doing it so perhaps they thought that they would do the same.
YANBU
I'd tell them to Foxtrot Oscar.
Rude!!!!!
That would be a no from me then, I have always taken/received things like some wine or a bunch of flowers.
I'd offer to take a special dessert, bottle ( or 2) of wine, maybe some chocolates but money changing hands, no way. How much do they expect per person?
Not in the Judeo-Christian spirit of hospitality, nor in the Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist one either come to that.
For shame!
Never heard of it to pay when invited.
You can go and contribute the cost and bring no presents or declined the invitation.
If the same family members host the Christmas meal year after year I would automatically offer to share the cost. A turkey alone costs £80. I’ve never been asked to contribute but always offer.
I would never consider asking anyone to pay for their meal when I’ve asked them. If they offer to bring dessert or turn up with something then it’s much appreciated.
We had a similar thing though asked of us. A relation of my husbands was having a milestone birthday celebration and they sent invites at the same time as asking us to pay for the meal. We declined the invite.
I must admit though a good few years we decided to give a donation at our family Christmas lunch. This was discussed beforehand with everyone who was attending and we sent it to a charity who we belong to. My eldest DS has a metabolic disease so we wanted to help the charity out as they were raising funds to keep it going.
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