Another anniversary forgotten !

My OH used to remember all these things, but wander about huffing and puffing about what he could get me! I used to tell him that if it is that much trouble then don't bother!

He solved it in the end by opening an account with a flower company and sending me flowers each time - phew, agonising solved!

Have a talk with your husband. Ask him if he prefers for you to make arrangements instead of pressure on him. My husband Loves that I put out a Stack of Recycled Cards every Year. I put them all over the house. He tells me he loves me everyday. We talk about what we want to do for our Anniversary. He likes that I don't Nag him if he forgets. I have also Forgotten. LOL

I never remember anniversaries and have never celebrated them. I know I’m loved and usually appreciated!!
I don’t need a card to tell me what we have.
Don’t set store by things that will probably not happen. It’s asking for disappointment.

In ny view you being entirely reasonable he really should make the effort as he must know it matters to you. No idea what the remedy it though.

twinnytwin

I'd do as others have suggested, and organise a special meal out or suchlike for us both - and mention it daily on the run up to the date so there's no excuse for forgetting."

But the OP said "With me, it is truly ‘the thought that counts".

If she has to organise a special meal herself and keep reminding him on a daily basis of the date, how much 'thought' has he given?

It would work on a practical level but I think the poster is more concerned with the fact that he simply doesn't remember the date of his own accord.

Some men just don't attach the same significance to wedding anniversaries as women do.

My bloke used to be very dismissive of our anniversary. Reluctantly went along with it but resented it. In the end, I gave up. Only to find he then started making an effort. But it was too late as far as I was concerned.

Big gestures don’t mean a thing. My husband (now Ex) bought me the biggest bunch of red roses, one Christmas. By the New Year, I discovered he was having an affair. By June, he left me for her. Just be glad (I’m sure you are), that you have a loving and faithful husband.
I was once told by the wife of a functioning alcoholic - I’d rather be married to my husband than to yours.

I think that you have been so low key that he thinks that you are not bothered. The only thing to do is to tell him that you would appreciate the date being remembered. Order a cake, make a special effort with dinner. In fact why not talk about a specific date the week before? Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for more disappointment by not mentioning things at all and expecting him to suddenly change after all these years together.

I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable - and being together for 53 years is definitely something to celebrate.
I would be devastated if my DH forgot my birthday or our anniversary - not that he could as I get so excited about them.
I'd do as others have suggested, and organise a special meal out or suchlike for us both - and mention it daily on the run up to the date so there's no excuse for forgetting.

It doesn’t worry me in the least. I know he thinks of my needs and wants 365 days a year. That’s more than enough for me.

When we got engaged DH suggested getting married on my birthday so he'd only have one date to remember. Henever remembered either date so it wouldn't have helped. One gem I remember is "So when is your birthday?" answer "It was two weeks ago"

Once they were old enough my children steered him through birthdays and Christmas. He was impossible to buy for himself. He took after his father and whatever you gave him he could have got it cheaper or better himself.

Actually the best birthday fail was my mother when she forgot my 14th birthday! She only realised when everyone else's cards appeared on the door mat!

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but you are being a bit naive to believe he's going to change after all these years.

I don't think men regard anniversaries in the same light as women, it just doesn't appear to be that important to many of them and if the 'thought' isn't there, then it isn't there, little you can do about it. If they have to be cajoled, prodded / reminded - what's the point?

My partner doesn't remember our anniversary - and TBH, I sometimes forget it, too. But he does sometimes reminisce about when we met and how he felt, and that's good enough for me. I matter to him, and that's what counts.

If your husband is kind and considerate in other ways, I'd just give up on the anniversary thing and appreciate what you've got.

Sorry that should beMayBeMaw

Such an interesting post as l also have a husband (married 42 years) who ‘doesn’t get it’ with birthdays, Christmas or anniversaries - getting upset and disappointed is so wearisome but may have found some ideas (thanks MaybePaw) here to use for the future.

One year I was so busy at work I forgot our anniversary. In the great scheme of things is it really that important after 53 years? Just arrange a meal out to celebrate.

I would be cross too!
I would go out for dinner with a friend and tell him to sort his own dinner as YOU are celebrating

It will be our 40th this year. There will be a card as usual ( not a special one), but anything else will be up to me to arrange, or nothing. You just get used to it, and let’s face it, we don’t need any more stuff, so gifts are not required. Flowers would be nice though!
It must be hard if your husband makes no recognition at all.

My husband always forgets, and I always forget.
Usually one of our children remind us, but failing that, it would go unnoticed.

If you've been married to him for over 50 years I'm surprised you expect him to behave differently from usual about Certain Days. 50+ years is a long time not to get used to something.

I always treat myself to something ie 45 th Anniversary, I spend £45. Same for birthdays then if he buys something I have two presents! (Normally he just wants a meal out)

Oops I always forget our wedding anniversary and my husband remembers. That's a good idea MayBeMaw arrange a joint treat for the two of you to enjoy.

You are both yabu and yanbu

Yanbu for anniversary not being remembered

Yabu for expecting it to change this year, after it has been happening for years. Why this year would be different?

It’s the remembering and recognising that hurts doesn’t it?
Paw was never one for birthdays and I can remember being desperately upset when I didn’t even get a card. Even when he was no longer able to get out to a shop on his own I felt he could have organised one of the daughters to help out but it never occurred to him. It took a lot of thinking it over to realise he did not love me any less we just had different attitudes.
If you really want to mark your anniversary it is going to have to be down to you - book a special meal (Côte at home if it’s not practical to go out) or an afternoon tea somewhere nice and buy a big bunch of flowers for the house and drink a toast to 53 years together. Old dogs and new tricks I’m afraid.
(We didn’t make 50, Paw died a few months after our 47th so congratulations on your 53rd - without clocking him! ???)
As for Christmas you could forestall the huffing and puffing by saying in advance that your are both too old for more “stuff” so instead of presents to each other you are suggesting booking a treat for you both - and then do it.

I too know exactly how you feel and no, you are not being unreasonable, seen from where I, the wife of another man who doesn't really see the point of remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and so on, am sitting.

I now plan my own birthday and tell him what we are going to do on it. For Christmas I try to find something he relatively easily can buy and tell him that is what I would like. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.

Wedding anniversary? At the start of the month I say, "What would you like to do on our wedding anniversary?" The invariable reply is, "It's not today, is it?" To which I reply either, "Look inside your ring!" or "Check the calendar".

I did try to teach myself not to mind, but decided that I would plan something nice myself and rope him in. That way I get just a little recognition of the days that mean something to me.

No, YANBU, but perhaps you should start 'forgetting ' yourself. I know two wrongs don't make a right but if his lack of effort and commitment irks you so much then why bother yourself? My ex was just the same and I was constantly reminded how much a birthday card cost or what was the point in anniversaries! Over the years I became immune to the disappointment he created.