One of my grandchildren still eats with her fingers

I wouldn't be at all surprised if this girl eats 'properly' if she has a meal at a friend's house, assuming that the friend and her/his family do.
If not, I'm sure she will when she is a bit older.

She clearly knows how she should eat, as she has been taught that in the past, so the time will come when she decides to stop rebelling, and not want to appear babyish in front of people outside her family.

I wouldn’t get involved. Leave it for her parents to deal with. I remember one of my own daughters going through something similar around food when she was about 7. It soon went,

In the meantime, I would cook ‘dry’ meals. So no gravy, sauces etc.

Hopefully she’ll soon stop.

Of course eight year olds have different priorities from adults; they wouldn't bother with regular mealtimes, would live on crisps and pizzas and certainly wouldn't sit at the table. But they are not babies, and this child has chosen to regress. Why?

I find it disturbing that she rips her meat, eats greasy potatoes and is happy to dip her hands into presumably hot gravy when previously using cutlery appropriately. I wonder how the father eats; is he the eat a pizza out oft the box type? Has she picked up bad habits from being at home with him?

If her parents think it's ok then you need to go with it or suffer the consequences. During lockdowns many children reverted to earlier behaviour and many developed eating disorders serious enough for admission to hospital. Just try to be pleased she is eating proper food and washes her hands first. Could be a sensory issue as well. DS used to separate all his food on the plate and eat one section at a time. 30 years on he is to be assessed for autism. We didn't know at the time - just put it down to him being himself but never bothered about it. Probably should have put all his habits and preferences together and had him tested as a child but we didn't know then what we know now and it's never held him back. Now he is trying to understand why he has certain traits. You can drink soup Chewbacca and then eat the solid bits (if any) with your hands. Many years ago, a group I was in used to share recipes. An Indian friend had a brilliant recipe for curry which her family ate using hand held chapattis to eat with. I still use twitch nans or chapattis.
DD2 though has just been sent a review document for DGS2 who is 4 for his assessment at 48 months. One of the questions is "can your child use a knife and fork". He can but doesn't always. Seems it's a developmental step on from the 36 month assessment.

Don't all children have different priorities at all ages? And isn't it the responsibility of adults to teach and guide them through their childhood, so that they're prepared for adulthood? I suppose we could just let them eat their soup with their hands; it wouldn't really be a problem.

May I ask why some posters think that 8 year olds have the same standards as grandparents in table manners?

8 year olds have very different priorities

I would just ignore it. I work in a dinner hall and you know what? The kids have adequate manners and can mostly use their cutlery correctly. Although one of the dinner ladies is on a mission to improve manners in quite a disrespectful way sadly.

I eat like this even though I am right handed. My parents taught me the "correct" way when I was young, but apparently I always swapped them back.

Calendargirl

It’s difficult as she is your granddaughter, so it’s really up to her parents to sort it out.

My feeling is she’s 8, not a toddler, and should be eating properly with a knife and fork.

Mine too.

If this child is teased or laughed at in school because of her lack of table manners, the remedy is literally in her own hands.

Lunched with two GCs today, boys aged three and five. Delighted to see that, as usual, both used their cutlery rather than their fingers.

I would ignore it. If she is attention seeking, if nobody takes any notice, the fun has gone out of it. You could insist she washes her hands between courses and/or wears an apron to protect her clothes, little things that makes eating with fingers a bit of a hassle.

If the problem is something inside herself, again, best ignored, while she argues it out with herself.

Until my grandson was 10 hewould not sleep anywhere unless one of his parents was in the house. He wouldn't even do a sleepover without a parent. He wouldn't stay with grandparents. then one day he came home from school asked to go on a sleepover, and when told, of course, but mummy cannot come that night, said 'thats alright' and went off on his own - and we have never looked back.

Some children have minor blockages in development, but usually get over them before they go to secondary school.

I think if she was eating at my house I would correct her, depending on the circumstances. Not at a formal big family dinner, but if she was having dinner with you informally then yes.

I wouldn't if we were out somewhere. I tend to have my two GC that live in town over for informal meals on their own, so I think it is fine to correct their manners. My 6 year old Gdaughter constantly wiggles and stands up which drives me mad, and I do remind her to sit. If we are having a larger family dinner then I leave her parents to it.

People can be bullied for any reason, hair colour, way you speak, just because.....

Don't worry OP

Now here's another dilemma
Why does my DGD use her knife in her left hand when she is right handed and vice versa with the fork?

You could take her out shopping so that she could choose her own cutlery set? If she had cutlery of her own, that she's chosen, she may well decide to use it.

Bluebelle ???
You never know - he might do the same!

Leave it be she won’t do it when she’s got a boyfriend ???

I know it's behaviour best ignored for the moment but I can understand your concerns JMAH At eight years old I would expect her to use appropriate cutlery as well.

You could try her with chopsticks

I don't want her to be teased or laughed at, apart from the manners aspect!

If she is teased at school then she'll soon stop, but she may not be the only one.

I don't think it's a problem - assuming those hands are kept clean. My Indian neighbour insisted I ate without a knife or fork at her house. She said the curry tasted far better scooped up with bread!

Dinner ladies are increasingly appalled by the poor table manners of the children they supervise.
It will be the grandchild's fault , and that of her lazy parents, if she is ridiculed by her peers.
But I doubt if she will continue behaving as a baby at school for long.

It’s difficult as she is your granddaughter, so it’s really up to her parents to sort it out.

My feeling is she’s 8, not a toddler, and should be eating properly with a knife and fork.

Thanks to all. It has been bothering me because I don't want her to be teased or laughed at, apart from the manners aspect! Writing my concerns down for the post actually helped me think about what it is that truly concerned me. I was coming round to thinking 'let it go' and your replies have helped and confirmed for me that I'm on the right tracks in leaving it be.
For the record she already 'rips' her food up to bite sized pieces and she doesn't eat with her mouth open!