Feeling needy

Everyone is different in their way of communicating. My DS phones once a week and talks for over an hour. But he would never phone more frequently and if I phone him he never answers. My DD phones every day for a catch up. All this is now habit so it's what I'm used to but I suffered from an empty nest for years and years. As others have said their lives are so much busier than ours. When my DD finishes work I can tell she is exhausted whereas I have probably had a relaxing day doing what I like. OP, your communication with your children sounds totally normal but we all feel like you sometimes.

I am in my 60s and what l remember from my own dm was how busy she kept her later life. If l called and no answer she would call back later saying..sorry l was at my pilates/ ladies club/ visiting my sister etc. I loved that she was so busy she hardly had time to talk to me. I do the same now with my own dc. Keep busy. Have my own interests and mostly chat on WhatsApp with calls every now and then. It means they can reply when they have a chance with no pressure. I keep up to date with sport etc so we can have fun over and back about matches/ politics and enjoy a bit of banter.
My advice Op is get so busy they are chasing you instead of the other way around.

Yes, it’s called binca if this is what you mean.

Sorry! Thought I was starting a new thread (no pun intended ?)

Random question, but does anyone know what you call that fabric we used to use at infants school for our earliest sewing attempts? It had gaps between the warp & weft so it was obvious where to put your needle in & out.

My reason for asking is that I support a girl with learning difficulties and she’s just shown an interest in sewing, so I thought I’d order some so we can do some simple running stitch. I haven’t seen anything resembling it on Pinterest or Amazon, but accept that my search might be more successful if I knew the name of what I’m looking for!

Hithere

I was thinking your son is used to you calling so it is now an unwritten agreement

So glad they called!

You have a very close and frequent contact with your family, they clearly love you very much

I agree with Hithere.

My daughter has recently left her husband and moved into a two bedroom flat. She was down here for a few days a couple of weeks ago and we had a lovely time. I phoned her on Friday and she text and said she was getting her son to bed and she would phone me tomorrow, which was Saturday. Have heard nothing and I’m fighting the temptation to ring her but I’m worried ?

Yes,YABU.

Hi lippyqueen, I know this is probably not much help but you brought your children up to be independent human beings and that's a good achievement - you've given them autonomy. Did you have that in your earlier life, and if so were you happy about it, and if not what did you feel. Trying to understand the situation from their viewpoint by reflecting on yourself at that age as a mum with young/teenage children might help.

biglouis

I think that moving away from your parents - psychologically speaking - is part of becoming a mature and independent adult. Chances are that at the moment of your conception they were not thinking of you but rather of their own sexual gratification. Children are mostly the outcome of the act - not the purpose of it.

Wtf?

No you're not unreasonable, I'm afraid it just appears to be the way of the world for us once kids grown and independent. It's disconcerting to downright painful at times and I get your wish to control yourself albeit unsuccessfully! I make promises to myself all time to stop being the first to contact but fail every time then spend time kicking meself for being so 'weak' .it's not weakness it's a kinda yearning for the love we once casually shared with them and is now no longer. I feel for you so much and understand your feelings so very much.x

Your original post, Lippyqueen, and all subsequent replies have been a huge help to me too. I over-analyse, over-think and catastrophise far too much! I don’t post very often but love the friendship and advice that come through engaging with Gransnet. You are a lovely lot!

My mother called me every single day before she got dementia. It was a chore because there was really nothing to say! I therefore do not call my adult children unless they prompt me first. I would hate their hearts to sink when my name comes up on their phone as mine did. And I always make sure I have something funny or useful or interesting to report, ideally something that will suit their interests and tastes.

I am in my sixties, divorced and live alone. My eldest girl has four children (one a stepdaughter), my second girl has her own small business and my son is at uni completing his masters and works part time as well. They are all very busy! I see them as much as their busy lives allow, particularly my eldest-babysitting though they’re not really babies! My GS (7) and youngest GD (3) stay often-the oldest GD (12) is not so keen these days as she was in the past. Yes I get lonely as they can’t always be phoning or meeting me but I know I am blessed that they live near me. I don’t have much of a ‘social’ life in the evening-TV and reading/sewing content me. I do keep busy in the day though with church voluntary work, a ‘ladies’ social circle ( coffee, craft mornings, lunches etc) and a weekly language class. Life’s not always wonderful but when is it really? I look forward to birthdays and yearly events like Christmas. I treasure the times I am with my children and grandchildren but realise I am no longer the centre of their worlds as before, which is as it should be.

Count your blessings you are only in your 60s you have a lovely husband and a good life You do have contact with your family but family life changes and you are not longer at the centre of it Get some help for your anxiety problem Being needy will push them further away and make your husband feel he isn't enough

i accepted years ago that my only child had moved on and did not need me anymore for the everyday things, i still see him every 2/3 weeks for a day out and something to eat, this is at his invitation, he works night shift and they have a young autistic child, i go on facebook each night to catch up with any meesages from family (only family on my facebook) it is always my dil who contacts to ask if i am okay and will pass on any problems and he will call me. maybe you need to accept that they are busy and let them contact you. i live on my own, i lost my partner of 18 years just over a year ago and can't get very often due to illness. just get on with your life and enjoy it.

I don’t know if you’re being needy but I know the talk about fuel bills going sky high is making me needy about a lot of things unrelated to fuel. I think it’s about needing to know I will not be alone if I can’t manage the bills

eh ??
is it just me? i don't get how the second and third sentence are related to the first.
or perhaps they are not meant to be, just random assertions thrown together.
quite likely it's just me though... not for the first time

I think that moving away from your parents - psychologically speaking - is part of becoming a mature and independent adult. Chances are that at the moment of your conception they were not thinking of you but rather of their own sexual gratification. Children are mostly the outcome of the act - not the purpose of it.

I'm so glad he called

See, worry for nothing and even if he hadn't called, he obviously loves you

Really pleased they both called you lippyqueen

Elizabeth

I contact my mother because I feel guilty if I do not, I resent having to visit her, conversation is always a long list of complaints and negativity about everyone. If she were a nicer person there would be visits everyday from myself and siblings

Exactly how I and my sister felt about our mother !

For example I usually speak to my son on a Sunday, the call instigated by me. Today I thought I would wait for him to call so far he hasn’t and as the time goes on it will get later in the evening in Australia and the opportunity will be lost. This causes me constant anxiety. Am I being unreasonable?

Yes, it's Father's Day (our Australian family have phoned to speak to DH today but not really to me ?) and your son was busy with his family but not too busy to phone you - good.

It's difficult when they're far away or even not so far and very busy with their lives.

I remember writing to my parents as they didn't have a phone when I first moved away but my mother was much better at writing letters to me with news than I was replying.

It is Father’s Day here in Australia ,as others have said so I am wondering if he is tied up in some way with celebrations. It is hard living at a distance. We used to do it when my parents were alive, before the days of internet and when phone calls cost a fortune. You sound like you have done a really fine job bringing up independent and happy children and they also sound pretty thoughtful.

My friend calls me every weekend, I don’t know how it happened that way, but I always wait for her to call, and it never occurs to me to ring her.