Guest has come down with Covid...

You're right, CalendarGirl, the real MargotLedbetter would have put her foot down.

Having Covid has made it much, much worse. He's a guest, I want him to be warm and well-fed and ideally doing something every day to get him out of the house for a bit. Instead we're trapped here together. It can't be easy for him, I know.

He was coughing in the night and is still in bed this morning. I have urgent work to do. What a mess.

Just been reading through all the thread.

Cannot help feeling the OP’s namesake would never have put up with all this!

He's asked if he can keep the two pairs of walking socks, the sweater and the thermal top he 'borrowed' from my partner. When I said the sweater was new but I'd see if we could find an old one for him he said 'Oh, but I really like this one.'

What a cheek as we would say in Melbourne he has more front that Myer (Myer being a huge and old department store)

Ah well Margot you are kind and understanding.
I am getting nervous as I'm expecting a new volunteer on Wednesday. He will be the first young man I have hosted since DH died almost 2 years ago..
We have been texting to and fro for weeks but I really have no idea what he is like.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. I am just recovering from covid .

I don't think it's a conscious thing with him. I think he's the youngest child of a big family who's had a lot of attention and been helped out a lot. My guess is there's always been someone to give him a lift, sort him out, give him clothes and it's just normal life for him. There's a sort of slightly otherworldly, innocent-abroad thing going on with him.

he takes it for granted because people have indulged him, his parents too probably.
utterly self-centred, entitled (but i want the best jumper), manipulative, exploitative.
why should i waste money while i can get other people to pay for everything.
what a charmer.

Thank you, Farmor15. You and your friends sound like excellent guests from what you say. You were clearly aware of the fact that hosting isn't always easy and appreciative of the effort your hosts made.

I'll talk to him about paying it forward when he leaves. But I suspect he takes being looked after and cooked for etc very much for granted.

Margot - He sounds quite immature - some young people assume that anyone older is quite well off and can afford to pay for everything! At home, he possibly never had to pay for anything if out with parents etc, and regards you as substitute parent.

I wonder if this trip was really his own idea, or if his friends were all going off to see the world, so he thought he should too?

When I was around the same age, I went travelling around the US and Canada on Greyhound buses with a friend. We planned it all very well, looking at places we had connections with people, and wrote to them all beforehand (long pre-internet!), asking if we could stay a couple of nights. 2 nights max, apart from a few places with closer relatives where we stayed 4 or 5 nights. We brought small gifts from home and expressed our appreciation, writing to thank afterwards. Our visits seemed to go well and we showed interest in whatever our hosts offered to show us.

However, one thing stuck with me, when we visited a family in Denver. We were saying the usual - "we hope to be able to repay your hospitality some time", when our host said rather bluntly (but truthfully!) - "it's unlikely you will be able to repay us, but do it for someone else when you get a chance". The phrase "pay it forward" wasn't in use back then, but that's what he was suggesting. I took it to heart, and have tried to give hospitality, even if I know it won't/can't be reciprocated.

I think you might have another chat with him if you get a chance, before he finally leaves, pointing out all you did for him (don't be subtle) and suggesting that he might repay your hospitality to someone else when he's a bit older and can afford to. You'll never know if he takes it in, but it might make you feel better!

I've actually had a friend who's confessed that she turned up on the doorstep of an aunt in Canada without warning and stayed for nearly a month before it finally dawned on her that perhaps she wasn't welcome. She said the first week they took her out and about and fed her well, the second week, they stopped bothering and by the time she left it was toast for breakfast and lunch. She says when you're in your early 20s it never occurs to you that people have lives and won't just take you in as your parents are obliged to do.

Well done for getting his departure arranged. He sounds very selfish, rather than incapable.

I hope tonight's dinner was quite basic - that's only reasonable since you aren't feeling well.
Good idea of his about takeaway - he can get that tomorrow, or have a boiled egg!

I hope you haven't bought more orange juice!

Well I think you are amazing mad
I honestly would not have allowed him to put upon me like he has to you.
It isn't good for him to treat hosts like this.
I had to ask a Brazilian volunteer chap to leave as he annoyed me so much.
He would only take instructions from DH and ignored me completely.
He asked me why I wanted him to leave so I said " it's not working for me" and he left.

He was so vague when I asked him about the train that I suspected that he hadn't actually booked — and he hadn't. I asked him because he's dependent on me or my partner to get him to the station and I wanted to know what time we needed to leave. I got the Trainline up on my laptop and insisted on booking it there and then. If he'd booked a few days ago he could have got it cheaper.

I think he went round Europe with friends and perhaps they did the organising and he followed. He feels more like a person who follows rather than leads. I know he's got Covid so he's not at his best, but I sometimes wonder whether there's much going on up top. He's got a degree, so I guess I expect him to be more of a self-starter.

Must go and make a second-rate dinner. Perhaps that'll encourage him on his way. I'm a good cook and feed people well, but maybe free dinner number 12 will be more basic.

I've got Covid, but today's Covid test was fainter than yesterday's and I suspect it'll be just a day or two till I'm clear.

I feel wiped out: slept 12 hours last night and that's not me. Dry cough and slightly wheezy which is annoying. The headache I started off with has faded though. I still feel 'not right'.

The last Kiwi to visit was female and she seemed more sensitive. But even she stayed longer than agreed and had to be asked to leave. I'm afraid that since I've mentioned this situation to friends on social media I've heard a number of similar stories. Not just Kiwis, of course, but they do feature.

He's wondered aloud about a takeaway

Oh, lovely, is he paying?

I did feel a bit sorry for him, catching Covid, being unwell so far from home but he is taking the Michael now.

and when we booked his train fare
How has this young man managed to get himself across the world, around Europe etc without a personal assistant to organise everything for him?

How are you feeling today Margot? I hope you've not caught his virus.
This young man gives NZers a bad name.
I have many NZ friends and relations and found them generous to a fault
You have been unlucky with this one.

I've just had to sit down with him and run through his plans for departure because he seemed so vague when I mentioned it. We agreed he'd go tomorrow but apparently he 'accidentally' booked a week at a hostel starting from Wednesday night, so he's planning to stay till Wednesday.

He'll have been here for almost a fortnight. He hasn't spent a penny, not a cup of coffee, not a round in the pub, and he seemed so fanatical about not spending money that I'd assumed he had none. But he's booked himself a single room in a hostel for a week — twice the price of a shared room — and when we booked his train fare he decided to pay £20 more for a train at a time that suited him better, rather than less for a slightly earlier or later one.

We have the occasional little chat: he loves to talk about his friends in Christchurch and the team he worked with, but there's nothing much else that gets him looking animated. He's asked if he can keep the two pairs of walking socks, the sweater and the thermal top he 'borrowed' from my partner. When I said the sweater was new but I'd see if we could find an old one for him he said 'Oh, but I really like this one.'

And now I need to start thinking about what I can make for tonight's dinner. He's wondered aloud about a takeaway but I think I'm just going to do pasta and a jar of sauce over it.

Agree with Spice101! You definitely need to stop waiting on him. In fact, now that you’re not feeling well, you could tell him you need help. Assuming there’s enough food in stock for now (apart from juice), take to your bed for the day and ask him to bring you lunch and to cook dinner for you. ?

Of course the danger is that he’ll make an awful mess of the kitchen.?.

If he doesn’t move on on Tuesday, you may have to take drastic measures like “someone else coming to stay and you need the room”. Just had another idea - disconnect WiFi!

MargotLedbetter

I do feel sorry for him too. I'm not so awful that I can't imagine myself in his shoes at 23 and I'm being kind to him. But he doesn't help himself.

I served him lunch earlier, after negotiating what he'd like, and he didn't even look up from his screen when I put to down beside him. Yesterday afternoon I bought three litre-sized cartons of orange juice thinking that they would easily get us through the weekend. He's just finished the second and has helped himself to the third from the fridge with the words: 'We're going to need more juice.' Grrrr.

Don't take his lunch to him. Put it on the table and tell him it is ready. Or better still tell him to get his own from ingredients you set aside. If he thinks you are going to need more juice, ice cream or anything else point him in the direction of the supermarket and send him to buy it.

He is freeloading off you and although he does not want to pay for accommodation he needs to realise that he either contributes to your expenses or he pays the full amount required commercially.

MargotLedbetter
Cousin's house, cousin's rules - no phones at the meal table!

Perhaps he'll feel better after all that Vitamin C in the orange juice and be ready t move on.

Don't buy more juice!

He's better and definitely having you both on now.
Tuesday was to be hia leaving day so just be very firm.
Backpacker hostels are always looking for help.
Our youngsters (help exchange) often find free accommodation in return for helping in a hostel.

I can bet this young man will be boasting about his free luxury accommodation in future. I've met his sort before.

I do feel sorry for him too. I'm not so awful that I can't imagine myself in his shoes at 23 and I'm being kind to him. But he doesn't help himself.

I served him lunch earlier, after negotiating what he'd like, and he didn't even look up from his screen when I put to down beside him. Yesterday afternoon I bought three litre-sized cartons of orange juice thinking that they would easily get us through the weekend. He's just finished the second and has helped himself to the third from the fridge with the words: 'We're going to need more juice.' Grrrr.

dogsmother

He’s probably broke too. Unwelcome, unwell and broke. I don’t mean to sound rude but probably is feeling the vibe.

I think we're alone, dogsmother, in feeling just a bit sorry for him.

Speak to his parents.

Explain exactly what's happened and that they need to make sure he leaves by Tuesday. If he's short of money, they can provide it or he can go home.

Email, if it would be difficult to say in person, and tell them you are ill and your partner has left, temporarily, because of the situation and they need to sort their son out.