I know I shouldn't interfere......

My niece was brought up in a commuter town while her dad worked in London. Her first job was in central London and she and her DH bought a small flat there It was fine until their DC began school and now, guess what, they moved back to her childhood town, close to her parents and she commutes to the big smoke as her dad did.
She manages to work from home a couple of days a week.
Her DH has a local job.
Everyone finds their own solutions and no one choice is the only perfect one.

My DD lives very rurally. Everything is a car ride away. There's a school bus but after school activities can become a chore.
I cannot help much except in school holidays.

I'm sympathetic to the O/P as I suffered greatly losing my friends when I was 11 because of a move.

That was quite young I think to feel that. Children make key attachments to friends at different ages and I would very much hesitate to move teenagers.

But kircubbin2000 its not your business unless for example the children have expressed to you and not to parents, when you might have a quiet word. By all means if it comes up in general conversation share how you felt at that age, but not to advise them they are doing something wrong? it may be the children are happy for it, all are different.

It is really not up to you or your husband, it's your daughter and her husband to decide where they live. They are adults and I would have thought would not be happy if your start interfering in their decision to move. I don't give my opinions unless I am asked, my children are in their 40s and are quite capable of making informed choices without my in put.
We all have our own opinions and I do on my grandchildren but I do not voice them because it's not my place to do so. I would not have been happy if my parents in law had tried to push their opinions on me at all.

It’s easy - if you know you shouldn’t interfere - then don’t.

kircubbin2000

I dont think they will move to the middle of nowhere, probably a small town.

Your worries are likely to be unfounded then.

I would never have chosen to bring my own family up in a polluted area.
The other worries can be overcome.

I moved with my young son to a city for work when I was widowed and in retrospect regretted leaving our many friends.
Although our life improved financially our social life didn't and though I love all the city offers culturally I miss the friendliness of small town country living.. my son now chooses to live in a city but I think would have preferred to have stayed in the countryside as a child.... needs must... there are always pros and cons

When I married, I moved from the inner city to this house, which is literally in the sand dunes facing the sea. I thought the nearby small town incredibly boring, although it suits me now.
However, when asked, my DS said he had an idyllic childhood here, same for DD. That didn’t stop him moving to the city at the nearest opportunity!
My rural holidays with an aunt were idyllic, but I remember the local village children being extremely jealous of my city life.
Children had more freedom then, and I roamed shops, galleries and museums unheeded. There are minuses and plus’s on both sides.
The main thing is not to interfere.

Three of my grandchildren live in the country, they live about five minutes away from us.
They have very full social lives, swimming, gymnastics, cubs, rugby, none of them less than five miles away, and some up to fifteen, but we juggle it all between us, and it works.
All three out of the school catchment area, due to oldest child setting her heart on a school about eight miles away, but we did it with our children, and it just seems normal.
But when my city grandchildren visit, suddenly there’s nothing to do. Everything is boring, the nearest town is rubbish, the nearest cinema is fifteen miles away, there isn’t a Hollister for fifty miles!
But then they go home, and the local children settle back into their country lives.
I do think they have a lot of advantages, but it’s not all perfect.

Regardless of your opinion I would not express it unless explicitly asked for your advice. Let them make their own decisions and then if anything goes pear shaped you were not to blame.

DS lived in London for ten years after going to university there.
When he and DIL decided to marry they moved north to County Durham and bought a house in a village. They were able to buy a large detached house from the proceeds of the sale of their flat.
The children have to be driven to school which is thirty minutes away but their mother works close by so all travel together.
I was relieved when they said they would not bring up children in London.

Please don't worry , they will be fine . You seem to have had a bad moving experience as a child but I think that is unusual . Children adapt well to a change of location. All will be well.

Please try not to worry about it. Let them embrace change. Children can benefit from new friendships. These days young people socialise online anyway so may not feel it to be the wrench it was for you.
We encourage our kids to leave the nest and forge their way through life, so if, as a family, this is what they feel is better for them, they have to at least try it. Personally I would treasure a more rural lifestyle. I know others who would dread it. Missing the vibrancy of city life. We are all different and how lovely that they are in a possition make their dream reality. Good luck to them and best wishes to you too.

I dont think they will move to the middle of nowhere, probably a small town.

I am so glad that I lived in a small town as a child and in a rural village for all my married life. I love my trips to the cities for short breaks, but could never live there. It really does seem like a rat race.

Callistemon21

.^No public transport not even a school bus^ .

Susie the LA must provide transport to the nearest primary school for primary age children if the distance is more than 2 miles away for under 8s and more than 3 miles away for over 8s.
Unless, of course, they choose a school out of the catchment area.

That’s interesting , my DD hasn’t mentioned it but maybe as she goes past the on her way to her place of work it’s not a problem. There is a school bus for the High School .
Don’t get me wrong they are very happy there , just think that it’s important to not look through rose tinted specs when contemplating moving into the depths of the countryside and it would not suit me !

A lot of what Susie says is true, MzOops moved from Central London down to Cornwall, there is a school bus, but it stops at a nearby village so she has to drive them to the bus stop.

Admittedly they live in the middle of nowhere, a river over the lane, their own woodlands and they had an amazing childhood there.

Now they are teenagers it isn’t so good, one of the children has just gone to University and loves the town life, the other is at 6th form College and misses his mates that he can only see at weekends if my daughter takes him into town and then collects him, which isn’t always convenient. MzOops found working from home fine and is always busy either online or doing her many voluntary jobs.

We’ve always lived in the countryside and it certainly has its pluses but when the children are older it gets more difficult and nowadays more expensive., when ours were aged 13 and 11 we moved back (briefly) to our small market town, then moved back into the Countryside when they left school and had their own cars.

I imagine if your family are moving to a Village it will have buses and won’t be far away from a railway station, I’m sure they will love it and they will certainly be away from dangerous pollutants which is a big worry for young children and you will have a lovely place to stay when you go to visit.

pandapatch

Does your daughter agree with her husband?

Yes, as long as they can be near a river or the sea.

.^No public transport not even a school bus^ .

Susie the LA must provide transport to the nearest primary school for primary age children if the distance is more than 2 miles away for under 8s and more than 3 miles away for over 8s.
Unless, of course, they choose a school out of the catchment area.

The opposite is happening here in France Gagajo people are moving out of cities into the countryside. Working from home and improved broadband speeds have helped. Covid seems to have been the driver behind this. Estate agents say they are having difficulty keeping up with demand for more rural housing.

And I would be thinking about their teen years in the jungle that is inner London - would not have wanted my teen children there - definitely not.

All 3 of my DDs were brought up in the countryside and simply loved it - there is no way they would have wanted to be in town. I was a bit worried when DD3's journey to secondary school was going to involve an hours' bus travel morning and evening. When she came back on the first day I tentatively asked whether the bus ride (well - 2 buses in fact) was OK and she said "Oh Mum, it was so beautiful!" She loved it - in winter the bus took her over the hills at sunrise on the way there and sunset on the way back - she treasured those journeys.

a more rural area doesn't have to mean a small village. There are many small towns where there are loads of activities for all ages as well as good schools not too far away, even good links to nearby larger towns or cities. I live in such a small town and there really is something for everyone, and green countryside is on the doorstep. Your son-in-law is wise to consider getting his family into a more salubrious environment.

My daughters family did this 12 years ago and they love it ,theres no way they would come back to a town.They have an amazing network of friends ,a youth club just minutes away and the primary school was right across the street from them

,Its around 15 miles to high school so an early start but the bus is at the bottom of the street ,they have the choice of going to a school in a different town but that involves a ferry crossing and the weather isn't always ferry friendly .
Support them ,I was a bit reluctant to see mine go ,its 35 miles away and daughter has health issues but its truly the best thing they could have done ,I'm so glad I didn't try to stop them

Does your daughter agree with her husband?

We moved from a town to a village the other end of the country when DS was 9. He soon made friends at school - one he's still in touch with. The village children of all ages went around together and looked after each other. They played in the fields, helped the farmers and none of them suffered any harm greater than a broken arm.

Admittedly DS had to get the bus to school and we had to drive him several miles to Scouts and to play football, but we expected that. We had to drive the same distances to shops and GP.

Despite the obvious drawbacks (distance to shops etc) I couldn't go back to living in a town now. They're too noisy and smelly. Even visiting is a chore.

My DD and family lived in London about 20 minutes away from me . 18 months ago they moved to the country to enable them to have a large garden and less mortgage. They also had lost a lot of money during the pandemic as they are both self employed. The children then 9 and 5 settled well into the local village school even that is 4 miles away , and are happy with friends in the small village, parents too seem to have adjusted well. But of course now they find they have less money than they thought to do up and extend the small house they bought,due to huge hikes in cost of living since the move, particularly the petrol .They have to drive everywhere even to school, no pavements so cycling is difficult as people drive fast in the country lanes. They cycled every where when they lived in London .No public transport not even a school bus . So the parents will be taxi drivers for years , and I worry now that essential work on the house is not completed by winter . It’s a very cold house set in a valley. Not my cup of tea at all. I also am not so sure that country children have more exercise, as it’s a car drive to all activities, so it always organised and paid for ,there’s no local park to scoot, cycle or kick a ball around just with friends . DD stated that they couldn’t afford to continue with swimming lessons as they can now both swim . I was determined they should continue so I’m paying for them . Country life is not all it’s cut out to be .( that’s an opinion of a life long townie of course)