Being invited to an acquaintance’s house for a meal

Indeed so!

Oh for goodness sake. Stop bellyaching. Be gracious and go. Friends are just strangers we do not yet know. One day you might feel lonely and just hope for an invitation like this one. Be grateful

A less tense situation would be to go out for a meal (lunch?) together instead. Or if you do go to her house and are not enjoying the evening, have a friend on standby to ring you with an excuse to leave - an "emergency" which you have to attend to immediately. Good luck. Think positive. Might not be as bad as you fear

Has OP been back with any comments on the responses she has received? Or to clarify whether it is lunch, supper or a full blown dinner (dinner party) ?
Or is this going to be one of those threads?

Mrsemmapeel, I hope you will accept the invitation from your acquaintance. In truth, I do think that it is a sort of duty to visit or be with the lonely from time to time.
Like Maw, I've had a huge amount of support from friends and neighbours, also other widows. They all say, just ring if you want some company. But in fact I feel diffident about contacting them, particularly at the weekend when they may have family arrangements.
I think this lady has been rather brave contacting you and risking rejection. People don't like to feel needy. I'm with
M0nica and LuckyGirl on this

I think you have to go. However I understand how you feel, think I’d feel same.
I think you need to have an answer ready as she’s possibly going to try and arrange another date when you leave. So be prepared with an answer something along the lines are “ oh that’s lovely but my life’s fairly busy so I’ll have to get back to you on that one”. Let us know

I too would go for the meal, for the first time. You’ll be able to gage how it progresses, then use your judgment for future engagements.

When you say you “knew her vaguely many years ago”… think about how and where you actually met. Was it through other acquaintances, a social event, as a work colleague, book club…?

A good ice-breaker would be to talk about the initial meeting. Then you can talk about what has happened (to each of you) over the years, and other mutual friends, situations. I’m almost positive you won’t lack conversation.

That’s how friendships often start. You’ll get a feeling after the meal, one way or the other.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

Dinner is a bit over the top but you've agreed now. She sounds so lonely. Hopefully you'll get on and feel glad you went.

Why are you angry at her? X

Op

How was the coffee meeting?
Did you enjoy yourself?

Sometimes not having enough in common discovers new hobbies and activities

I agree with other posters - say yes as a social obligation is unkind

I would trust your gut feeling and go with it.

Somebody coming out of the bushes like this and coffee and dinner? Spidey senses are tingling

Just go - but you have in place a lot of advice from here (ignore the harsh comments) if it doesn’t go well. Good luck!

As others have said I think you need to attend with good grace as I think you know, deep down, that she will be upset if you change your mind otherwise you would not have posted the question. However do prepare in advance for the possibility of repeat invitations and/or the expectation of a reciprocal invitation to have lunch at yours, so that you manage her expectations with kindness. There is nothing wrong in being honest with people within reason, and saying her invitation was nice but unexpected but you would find it difficult to reciprocate as you have little free time to yourself to make regular commitments and you hope that this doesn't cause offence.

Mrsemmapeel10

Someone who I knew vaguely many years ago contacted me and asked to meet for coffee, which I did. Rather reluctantly as we have little in common and I’m time-poor. It felt unkind to decline as I think that she is lonely. Then during coffee she invited me to her house for a meal. I panicked and agreed but I wish I hadn’t. In fact I’m so annoyed with myself for accepting, and unreasonably, I’m annoyed with her for asking. How could I have handled this better? I feel like I’m a bad person.

Are you time poor by choice, Mrsemmapeel10, or at the beck and call of others?...

I’ve had that happen to me. I agreed and had supper (spaghetti Bol) with ‘my new best friend’ and discovered that we still had things in common. I had a lovely evening which has been repeated once since but we seem to have drifted apart again and I admit to not having got in touch - apart from occasionally on Facebook. I suggest you go, you never know, you, like me, might have a most enjoyable time.

How can you be annoyed by someone inviting you for a meal. I think you should feel grateful for being invited. After all you don’t know in a year or so you might feel lost or lonely and have fob her off and she might tell ppl your boring and don’t bother inviting her because she doesn’t turn up. Try putting yourself in her position. I had a lady by me every week she baked a fruit pie and brought it round had a cuppa then left. She was abt 30yrs older than me and I said to her one day don’t you know anyone your similar age and she said no one bothers with me. So I Invited her to Christmas dinner Sunday etc had nothing in common with at all. She was just lonely and needed to have someone to talk to. She died alone but I would do it again in a heartbeat because no one deserves to be lonely. That’s 20yrs since she died

I am happy to help anyone where I can, but I usually think about what I am offering and make it clear (I am an eldest and used to considering the consequences) So I offered to take an elderly friend to the town and offered her my spare key to my car. I said that if she would like to get large size items , that she would have difficulty carrying, and then put them in the boot from a shopping trolley. That we would meet up about 11.15am at the coffee shop. It worked very well and we did it for many many weeks. Another elderly person was with her one day and I offered to take them too. She was pleased by the offer and began to talk about us going to various shops. I said politely but firmly , no my offer was to take her and bring her back. She looked a bit put out, but as I said , this way we do our own thing and you can go where you like. It worked well and I felt perfectly ok about doing it. If I had tagged along going shopping I would never have offered her another lift. So I think whilst you may feel that having accepted the invitation , it would be unkind to cancel that, but you have time now to consider what you could say to her to block any further meetings. I think just a clear statement that this was a one off as you have a lot of commitments , and rarely have time to spare. Whatever you decide you can say to her. It is important that you do not give the wrong signals by saying things like "at the moment" or even "for the next few months" which can encourage her to hope you will meet up again later. Or you might say " You rarely go out for coffee so it has been nice for once to have a change" Dont say anything that gives false hope. But of course as others have said , you may actually be surprised and find you enjoy her company and meal.

I was invited by someone to her house and we did a few things together after that. We got on well although she was quite dominant!I suggested a few things to return her kindness which she said she would get back to me about but never did..so I assumed she didn't want to continue the "friendship". I was a little put out but I too have a busy life and good friends.
This is what happens sometimes so have the meal and then decide about future contact. You'll have a chance to explain how busy you are and suggest she might look at things she could get involved with...perhaps invite her to one of your events to meet others?
We need to walk in other's shoes. You never know, it might be you one day!

You say that you knew each other vaguely many years ago; it might be that the acquaintance is having memory problems and interprets more into your association than actually existed.
Do accept the invitation for dinner, it would be cruel not to. None of us know when we are going to be entirely alone do we?

bullied - wow that is harsh!

We will all have times in our lives when we are "needy" - it is not a crime. This desperate rush not to appear needy is the source of much unhappiness.

If your really dreading it that much, pull out.
if your just not sure, and have another friend, family member etc ask them both to join you for lunch, club or something ?
Telling them the situation and your hardly knowing this person.
Bearing in mind though sometimes it’s best to avoid at the start, the longer it goes on the more difficult it could become.
Sounds awkward. Don’t be bullied

perhaps meet up this time, but say you can't stop too long.I started meeting up with a woman last year,but she became a bit of a nuisance,making long phone calls in an evening ,contacting me while I was out with family for the day,then phoning me late at night after I got home.The meetings fizzled out,probably my fault for not always being available.Just be careful ,some people can get too demanding .

Mrsemmapeel10 - I suggest you work on your annoyance to reduce it and more on your appreciation of the idea that it would have been unkind to refuse her a coffee date (which you didn't do). If you do that you'll find that the stress associated with the situation will lessen, and you never know, you might enjoy it. However, you describe yourself as 'time poor' so when at this person's home you should let her know that in the kindest way possible - tell her that you wish you weren't so busy because you don't have time to go to the cinema, or join the nearby yoga class or rambling group - whatever you think she might have an interest in. She'll get two messages from that approach - one that there are several ways she can fill her time and make new friends, and the other that you're not available to fit that bill.

The only way you could have handled this better, from your own point of view, would have been to have declined the invitation. However, doing so would probably have left you feeling uncomfortable.

Go and try to find out in the course of the time you spend with this woman whether you and she have any interests in common,

You say you have not seen her for years, and did not know her particularly well in the past, so you may be pleasantly surprised and find her to be a person you are happy to see more of.

If not, then obviously, you should stress how busy you are and that you don't have a lot of time for being social.

Actually, you might want to make that clear whether you find you enjoy her company, or not.

It will only cause difficulties if you give her the impression that you have plenty of time to see her, when you don't.

M0nica
"A friend met her husband, when he, as what she thought was a dull work colleague, asked her out for a meal and she couldn't think of an excuse to refuse. She discovered how undull he was".
Are you sure she isn't somebody you'd like to know better Mrsemmapeel10?
It's possibly she's an introvert and presents herself rather awkwardly, she might surprise you.
I know that my mother, as she got older and friends grew thinner on the ground, developed good friendships with people whom she might not have considered getting to know better when she was younger with more friends.

BlueBelle

Is it that bad to be invited for a meal you haven’t cooked? and you can always have an excuse ready to not stay too long after, (but I don’t mean jump up and leave as soon as the last mouthful is down 😂)
Is she that bad a person or company?
Go along with good grace and if it’s as bad as you imagine make sure you ve got your excuses lined up if she says ‘let’s do it again’
You might be surprised you might enjoy yourself

Yes, this is exactly what I think. Giving up one evening isn't so bad is it, unless it clashes with something else that you've got planned?