Helpful husband??

You all make me feel sane at least! It’s interesting the division of “ household chores” I think it’s hard to generalise for other people, we each have to find our groove and that takes many years and lots of doing it wrong! You learn what drives you mad, and equally what drives them mad about you! Sometimes words are exchanged but usually to help better understand each others preferred way! Thank you ladies for the great conversations that take place on here.

Quizzer soooo frustrating. I often say to my OH
“Could you not foresee that what you did would end up like this?”
as per your muddy sheets and bed
Can you get a laundry basket with a padlock?🤣🤣🤣

Why not allocate him set tasks which he can do when he feels like it.
My OH does the hoovering , cooks on Wednesday ( when he remembers) , does the heavy stuff at the allotment plus decorating and washing the cars.
I won’t let him near the washing, ironing, cleaning, shopping , sorting bills or dealing with plumbers etc.
It seems to work but in the winter he doesn’t have enough to do 🤷‍♀️

I shake out knickers before putting on the line, but dh pops a peg on any piece of material while they are still scratched up from the spinner . That’s how you make extra creases 🤭. I know it’s only a pair of drawers, but you get used to how you like things. I’ve tried to show him how I do it but he thinks I’m just way too fussy 😆.

We have always had his and hers jobs, but today I had to mow the lawn for the first time as DH can no longer do it. I did it badly.

I thought this post looked familiar. I think if you've always considered that a husband doing housework was 'helping', rather then simply doing his share then you've only yourself to blame. This is 2023. Surely the work is for both of you and always should have been? He clearly knows you're going to take over so why bother to do it right?

I'd say to him,"Today's lesson is how to hang the washing out followed by how to fold and put away laundry. " I would tell him this lesson is compulsory and he has to then copy it satisfactorily or he leaves the washing to you and finds something he's good at. Retired men drive me mad, interfering.
Luckily my husband doesn't touch laundry. He empties the bins and recycling and put them out on binmen day.
He's good at hoovering too and cleaning the bath.

Find some suitable utube instruction

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPSqTFu0zMw

Ali08

Your husband wants to feel useful so find him something he CAN do, maybe the hoovering or dusting, washing dishes, rather than picking on him for trying but getting it wrong!!

He already does most of the housework as I am unable to do it. I am the one who needs to feel useful!

Fortunately my husband rarely gets involved in washing as he is incapable of sorting colours out before he starts.
Also he doesn't think about the washing temperature so would probably just wash everything at the default temperature for his default programme, ie 50 degrees for cottons.
Sometimes I get him to hang up towels as it's almost impossible to get this wrong!
He is, however, an excellent ironer - though neither of us really wear anything that needs ironing today and I only iron pillowcases if we have somebody coming to stay.

I’ve found it easier to write a his and hers list. If a job isn’t done to my standards I wait until he is out and redo it.

For hanging on the line tell him "tops by their bottoms and bottoms by their tops". And show him.

Re a muddy basket on the bed, my reaction would have been the same. MrB would probably buy me flowers as an apology. If he went sulky or huffy, I'd tell him to stop his nonsense.

It's actually rather weird to put a laundry basket (plastic?) in an airing cupboard.

I think you need to actually teach him what needs doing, while expalining all the while that you know he wants to help and you appreciate that but if 'help' causes more work for you it isn't help. Bit as one would with a child. You could also tell him what are your favourite jobs that you would like to do yourself and ask him to do jobs you don't like doing or find harder physically.

Since I told MrB that I approach washing-up as a kind of meditation, he has done it better when it has been necessary for him to do it such as recently while I've had my arm in a cast. I think a lot of people – and not just men – have a kind of unconscious snobbery about menial tasks. Menial work is not less important or of less value than cerebral work.

We have a saying in our house when DH tries to help. "Do one job and make another ten".....

When I came home from hospital (with the fourth child) I glanced outside - and saw that he'd done the washing (I'd only been away for a day) then pegged everything out by the shoulders or sides of ankles!

He was banned from doing laundry ever again - and we just wore the spiky shouldered/wonky legged things.

When DH retired he asked what I did all day so that he could take over the housework.
I told him I hoovered every day and cleaned the bathrooms after use each day and how I liked the laundry done.
I never dreamt that he would move all the furniture each time he hoovered and clean the blinds and curtains.
I think this is when I realised he was a bit OCD.
His ironing skills were second to none but he would not hang the washing outside, it all went in the dryer. In hindsight I think he didn't want the neighbours to see him pegging clothes on the line.

A long time ago my husband kindly washed the entire contents of the ironing basket for me…….

My DH is helpful, but so slow!! He preps the veg, washes up, pushes the trolley round the supermarket, but all meticulously and in slow motion. I just have to make sure that we start meals etc in plenty of time... and I am grateful for the help.

Your husband wants to feel useful so find him something he CAN do, maybe the hoovering or dusting, washing dishes, rather than picking on him for trying but getting it wrong!!

Sorry but the fact you ve got a man willing to try and help is a thing many ladies who ve lost their husbands would be very happy to have right way or wrong way
I got rid of mine so not counting myself 😂😂😂

62Granny

Tell him to sort out the muddy grass around your washing line😂
Out of interest how do you hang washing out to make the maximum crease possible?

Hang the duvet cover gathered up over the line or hang shirts, t-shirts etc with pegs on the collars.

maybe these men's mothers did not give them the best instruction in domestic matters, and supervise their efforts.

Tell him to sort out the muddy grass around your washing line😂
Out of interest how do you hang washing out to make the maximum crease possible?

When my DH retired after running our small successful business for over fifty years he obviously felt lost. He hadn’t really planned what to do and tried to takeover the running of the house. He would start doing a job and make a mess like doing the dishes. Leaving them greasy not washing pans properly and not wiping the stove over. Just silly things that irritated me as I would have to go over the jobs he had done.
If I complained he would sulk good style my friends also complained of similar behaviour from their retired husbands. DH now does some jobs I find awkward vacuuming etc. He does a little part time job and has more time for his hobbies.
Now we work together doing certain heavy or awkward jobs there is less grumpiness and more cooperation. I am grateful for the help now and we work well together it’s taken a while to get there but it’s better.

LadyGracie mine does that as well!!

Thank the lord mine leaves the laundry alone.
Mine just likes to ‘rehome’ things, some are lost forever.