Absolutely miserable after yet another social gathering...

My ex husband used to behave like this, but he was in his 30's at the time!
One of the reasons he is now an ex....
Some people behave like this to try and undermine their partner.

The world divorce comes to mine for some reason. You sound lovely friendly and giving and you deserve more. Sorry but your husband sounds like he actually is still 15 so childish and disrespectful. Find some interest of your own and mix with like minded people that will value your and what you have to say.

I go to a couple of regular 'things' and seem to have several people in different groups for whom socialising is just a long monologue about themselves, followed by 'What are you doing this week? I'm off to...'

I am inclined to think that some other guests at the social gathering you attended have a low opinion and tolerance of your OH and that might explain them keeping their distance.

A very similar situation happened to my ex and me many years ago; we had gone to a reunion of sorts, he always thought he was the dogs b******s and had a very high opinion of himself but as that evening progressed and the beer flowed it soon became apparent that he had really upset many people that I was completely unaware about and neglected to tell me that they would probably be at the same event. It made for a very uncomfortable evening, never to be repeated.

So you didn't enjoy your evening out but it's no big deal - and you did nothing wrong. Sometimes it's just the wrong group of people or you're not in the mood. I'd always leave early and go somewhere else, or just go home if that happened.

I got along quite well with colleagues - at work - but always dreaded the Christmas meals out - when they suddenly turned into drunk crashing bores and quite an embarrassment. I'd always have a friend phone me at 10.30ish and she'd collect me if I'd had enough.

Sounds like the golf club do’s I had to attend. I think you could have enjoyed it if your husband hadn’t been such an unfeeling
idiot. Well done for making the effort.x

Your husband is focused on his lost youth instead of you. You obviously know what you enjoy and so you shouldn't feel guilty about not enjoying socialising with people that you don't really know. Find your own circle of friends. U3A is a good place to try new things and make new friends. Getting older is hard to accept but it happens to us all.

If you've been together a long time, surely you could tell your husband that hearing about his past girlfriends undermines your confidence. I don't particularly like going to places where I don't know anyone, but then I stick with my hubby and listen to conversations he's involved in. If I really didn't want to go somewhere then I'd just tell him to go on his own and enjoy

MadeInYorkshire

I'm the same nw - if you're happy with a book, a walk on the beach and a glass of wine, then do it!

Sadly, I can no longer hold a book, walk further than my car nor drink alcohol, and as \I don't actually manage to 'do' anything much, neither do I have much to talk about other than my health, which is boring after the first 2 minutes!

Just enjoy doing those, while you can is my advice xx

MadeInYorkshire
I suggest one of these. It's been a life-changer for me.

thinkinggifts.com/collections/deckchair-bookchair/products/deckchair-bookchair-large-blue

There seem to be lots of second-hand ones on ebay right now.

You sound like a gracious person with impeccable manners. It seems your self confidence has been somewhat shaken and your partner's attitude is partially responsible. I hear what you're saying: you tried your best at this social occasion, but it was not your thing. You did nothing wrong; this setting and these people are just not to your taste.

Your partner is having a crisis of personality; harping back wistfully to the old days of his youth. You clearly do not share these kinds of feelings; you have grown into your adult self and are happy with your own company and the simpler things, like a good book or a walk on the beach. Life is too short to be unhappy. You should each follow your own pursuits. Time apart from each other is healthy and we certainly should not live in each other's pockets.

However, if you feel his need for the attention of other women is going too far, you will have to address that issue separately.

I have always hated social occasions. When my husband was still working I was obliged to attend many dinner dances as they were called then. The situation was that he knew everyone and I knew no-one. He would usually wander off to talk to a friend and I would be sitting at a table with strangers. It is a joy to me that we only socialise with family now. I now embrace being an introvert. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Nothing wrong with you,you were just with the wrong people,
just go out with true friends & have fun——— I think as we age we realize some people are not as interesting to be with & we enjoy our own company.Sorry you had such an uncomfortable evening,not helped by your Partner,ignore his comments,you sound very sensible,so now make a list of all the things you like to do & just do them in order & treat yourself kindly.

You sounded like a fish out of water on the evening out. Having little in common with a lot of participants certainly would not have helped. Your DH seemed more involved with the event and he should have escorted you doing introductions to those he knew. Seems a bit selfish and rather self centred given his behaviour towards the gym female. Think I'd be giving occasions he is involved in a miss. You tried to socialise and it must have felt awful when no one tried to include you in conversations. Not your fault, just self centred group.

Thanks FHN. I forgot the 'Quiet' for the name of the book. Like you I found it to be life changing

Just not your social scene, don't bother going next time, instead go to social events where you have something in common and I imagine you'll have a better time. Gyms can be competitive and not particularly friendly imho.

I find large groups of people intimidating. I think maybe lots of people do but can hide it more effectively. There are always a few people who are able to strike up conversations quite naturally with people they don't know. But I expect there are many more people who have attended such events and have felt awkward and uncomfortable, and have come away feeling dispirited. I know I have, so you are not alone.

Perhaps you manage better with smaller groups. I find that at first I am fairly quiet but once I get to know people better I feel more comfortable to chat. Again, I think that is probably true of a lot of people. It always helps, I think, to have one fairly extrovert person in a group because they take the pressure off everybody else, even when their chatter is fairly inane. Possibly, you found yourself talking to someone else who was feeling equally uncomfortable and that is why conversation was rather stilted.

Your husband's pointed remarks about the other woman didn't help, but maybe indicates that he doesn't feel so good about himself and is trying to boost his own confidence. Don't like it affect your own self-esteem. I would be tempted to just raise my eyes heavenwards, or just totally ignore it.

I absolutely dread social occasions as I’ve got older and avoid them if I possibly can. I certainly would if I had a husband who behaved like yours to accompany me.

Teaandcakes. Well, you made the effort and obviously it was not at all enjoyable. Why spend time with people you have no interest in? Our time is too precious. Next time your partner suggests going to a social gathering of his ‘friends’, just say you’d not enjoy it, so pointless to make the effort. He can go, if he wants to, and you can pour yourself a large glass of wine and curl up, in comfort, with your book, after a lovely long walk along the beach. 🥂🏖️💐

I take it that your “partner” is NOT your husband. Please pardon me if I misread.

Partner is a boor!!! Not a bore, but he could be that too. He sounds insecure and needs to puff himself up (all the time?)
Who needs that???

I always say I’d rather be alone than to suffer through another evening, event with needy people. They absolutely suck the lifeblood out of you. Don’t be so desperate for companionship when your time and life could have some quality peace and quiet.
USA Gundy

Teaandcakes
I read a nice saying recently for when you feel you don't fit in with a particular set of people (or get turned down for a job or rejected in some other way):
Remember you can be the right package delivered to the wrong address.

I remember the saying 'people give you the greatest pleasure but the greatest pain' i don't like gatherings anymore,lots of false smiles etc i prefer a small select groups of friends nowadays

I have never liked "parties" and found myself a bit of an observer whenever I did go to one. My late husband was good in these situations and always was there for me so I feel cross your husband was no help at all. Next time he starts on about past conquests in his younger days agree with him and sympathise with the facts that he is no longer young, a bit podgy, perhaps, then start telling hime about your past successes. Make them up if they didn't happen but make sure to emphasise that they looked like film stars and had bodies like Arnie S.
Sympathise with the fact that your husband is now older; in fact kill him with kindness!

Lots and lots of us just don’t like social gatherings anymore - I have a small long-standing circle of friends, met across lots of different areas so most of them don’t know each other, I like to socialise with them one or two at a time. Very rarely go to huge gatherings unless a wedding or a “special” birthday and tend to leave earlier than others. Honestly, if you don’t enjoy them just don’t go !

grandrante
The OP walked over to someone on their own.
She scooted over to a group that were talking about saunas and spinning but couldn’t join in ( I assume) because neither of which I know anything about
The OP doesn’t appear to be shy about joining people she doesn’t know.

Its not you, you were perfectly sociable and as far as I can see you did all the right things. I like to think I can talk easily to anybody but as I have got older I realise that time is passing and I dont want to waste any of it making small talk with people I am unlikely to see again or even want to! These events are always a bit of a bore to me so yes, decline the invite, get the book out, pour a glass of wine and put your feet up, you know it makes sense!!