Daughter starts horrendous arguments within minutes of speaking to me.

I too wanted to respond before I sleep. What a distressing situation for you. Particularly hard when you are unaware of why this is happening, there must be something in her mind that triggers her behaviour. Feeling suicidal is a red flag warning you to take good care of yourself, your daughter may have a mental health condition. It is clear you are at the end of your tether , take heed of that , step back if possible and protect yourself - much as you love your daughter self preservation comes to the fore. You must protect yourself from your daughters tirades!! Speak to your other children and get strength and support from them. I have no experience of your situation but I do know how upset and angry you are and I sincerely hope that this situation eases soon for you - somehow! Thinking of you 💐💐

What she is doing screams out mental health issues to me. Something in her life isn’t right and you are copping the flak. If it wasn’t you I am sure it would be someone else. The only thing I could suggest from your end is as soon as she starts to go on like this just stop the conversation immediately, which it sounds as though you are doing to a certain extent. Don’t let it drag you down and I wouldn’t be sending flowers next time because, in a way, it is saying she is right.
I really feel for you - we have a SIL who is a bit similar which isn’t as difficult as a daughter I know. We keep a distance, works better that way.

Just to add I am so sorry that you have been subjected to this and it's so hard to watch your child distressed because she must be suffering herself to behave like this. My heart goes out to you.

It certainly does sound that all is not well.
When did this behaviour start, what age and was she still living at home. How was she at school. Does she have long standing friends. Are her relationships stable apart from yourself and her siblings.
Is she self sufficient and able to take care of herself and pay bills. Had she ever seen her doctor about her rages and her outlook on life.
I ask these questions because I am familiar with the difficulties of a family member with mental health issues and never being able to do right for doing wrong. I learned the hard way that I could not help my family member act normally. That was simply how she was, it was her normality.

You must take care of yourself

I am not sure I have an answer, but I didn't want just to disappear off to bed and leave you. It sounds as though she is like that with other members of the family, so not a personal vendetta against you. I wonder what is eating her up? Is there anyone she is prepared to talk to rationally, who might act as a mediator for you?

You are her mum, you won't stop loving and caring about her, but that doesn't stop you disliking her behaviour and needing to protect yourself from further abuse. What would happen if you left her and didn't try to contact for a month?

I am sure there are family mediation services you could contact if you wanted to, but it does sound as though a bit of peace is needed for a bit?

Anyway I do hope you get some sleep, and perhaps others will be along soon with better suggestions. [flowers[