rejoining the outside world

My husband is 76 and was diagnosed with end stage renal failure as Covid struck. He was extremely ill as dialysis didn't really suit him and at one stage at death's door. However, he was lucky enough to get a kidney transplant which saved his life. He is on anti rejection drugs and still considered "vulnerable" and because we live together I have to take care too.
Our view is that at our age we are going to have all the jabs offered, but then , as we only get one life and in our view it is for living, not hiding away. We missed so much when we had to isolate (2 years of my little granddaughters life for instance). At our age there is no telling when the grim reaper will appear, so we think the risk is worth taking (however, if we hear someone is sick with Covid or any other virus, we do avoid meeting with them so we do take some care).

Another vote for walking groups here - I go to a weekly one, nothing too strenuous or overly long. Whilst there is no age limit, everyone in the group is over 50 and we have members in their 80s and 90s. Being outside almost eliminates the risk of covid/flu etc and of course its great exercise that is suitable for most of us as we get older. We have ladies with walking sticks who walk faster than I do, some use those nordic walking poles. Check out wellbeing walks at ramblers.org - most areas have something going on, and its free.

I do hope you find the courage to take those first steps, and rebuild your confidence.
I found some company from a trusted friend, someone to walk with,even for 5 mins to start with, to talk with who understood my 'panicky' feeling at first was a great help.
Wishing you well

A lovely, helpful thread. I hope you are able to take the advice offered here from others in a similar situation, Jojo27, and start to live life again!

I totally understand how you feel, but as has been said, baby steps are the answer. I've been so cautious for so long as I'm immunosuppressed and lived in fear of catching Covid. A year ago I booked a holiday which included a cruise and quite a lot of long haul travelling, we got home from this holiday a few weeks ago, we even wore masks on the 'planes but I was determined to try to get back to normal as I felt that I had to start living my life again and the holiday did me the world of good. Unfortunately when we got home we found out we had Covid, Mr B had no symptoms but I had a lot of them and survived. I was offered anti virals by my local hospital but my consultant didn't think I needed them so I declined. I think it is the fear of the unknown and not knowing how you will be affected should you catch the virus that makes us scared. I am now determined to get on with things. I wish you luck, one step at a time.

GoldenAge

Jojo27 please seek counselling as well as trying to build your immune system - your mental health has taken a dive and this can be more dangerous than catching Covid - you need to socialise - you won’t recognise the world if you Continue to stay inside and will lose touch with reality. Good luck - you will be OK.

But her weakened immune system is a result of her health problems, not because she has isolated herself.

How about trying some therapy to address your concerns and fears?

Jojo27 please seek counselling as well as trying to build your immune system - your mental health has taken a dive and this can be more dangerous than catching Covid - you need to socialise - you won’t recognise the world if you Continue to stay inside and will lose touch with reality. Good luck - you will be OK.

I avoid crowded places if I can - I have supermarket deliveries and top up as necessary from small local shops. I still wear a mask at the doctor’s surgery. I don’t care what others think! Most of my shopping is done online because that’s been my preference for years. We have no public transport here to contend with (I would probably wear a mask if it was crowded) but wild horses wouldn’t get me on a plane or a cruise ship! We see family as normal - they are considerate and would test if they had possible covid symptoms - and happily eat out in places which aren’t crowded or offer outdoor eating. Our lives are now pretty much the same as before covid, we have lived quietly since retiring which is our preference after busy careers and we stay aware and safe but don’t live in fear as was the case before vaccinations came along. We live in a lovely holiday area and not flying isn’t a sacrifice - been there, done that!

I think hollysteers is absolutely right- your level of anxiety is causing far more problems than the possibility of catching any bugs. I know there are still a lot of people who are scared - and to me, the government was too heavy handed in dishing out advice. We are both immunosuppressed - and did get Covid way back in April 2020 before there were any vaccinations. Perhaps because of that, we are unafraid- I don’t know. Perhaps it’s just us. Since then we’ve had the bug again but very lightly- it now must be treated like flu really- it will be around but it’s impossible to avoid bugs unless we retreat into ourselves and do nothing and see nobody. That isn’t life - it’s not living - so do take all the advice and gradually get used to life outside your home again. Good luck xx

jojo27 Your advice is so helpful. That is the reason why I am turning to you to ask, what do you wonderful people do to attempt to lead ordinary lives whilst trying to stay safe?

I've a weak immune system. If I must be out, I mask and stay a good distance from others, use hand sanitiser - options for you?

We've had all vaccinations, are healthy for elderly people.

sazz1

The majority of masks don't prevent transmission of viruses anyway. This is a medical fact.
I caught covid from a child coughing constantly in a crowded hotel lift. Despite lung disease it was only like a heavy cold.
Don't waste your life. Stay away from crowds and go for a walk every day as others have advised. Your suffering from anxiety due to all the scaremongering by the government in the past, but they've stopped now.
All the best x

Just because your covid was just like a heavy cold doesn’t mean that someone else’s covid won’t leave them with long covid…or worse. That’s the worst thing about it, the not knowing how it’s going to affect any one of us.

The majority of masks don't prevent transmission of viruses anyway. This is a medical fact.
I caught covid from a child coughing constantly in a crowded hotel lift. Despite lung disease it was only like a heavy cold.
Don't waste your life. Stay away from crowds and go for a walk every day as others have advised. Your suffering from anxiety due to all the scaremongering by the government in the past, but they've stopped now.
All the best x

As others have said, you can still get out and about and do so in relative safety. A walk outside will help your physical and mental health.

We still don't 'socialise' or go to the theatre & other indoor events due to the risk. Where we can't avoid indoor activities, we mask (FFP2 or 3).

Personally, I wouldn’t feel safe on public transport even with a mask, certainly for any length of time, but luckily we don't need to. I'm sure if it was we would find a accommodating taxi driver who would mask & ventilate the vehicle.

The worst thing I find is that the majority of people, even the professionals, do not mask in healthcare settings. We are currently attending hospital appointments on a regular basis and one of the patients being treated has Covid - he is marched through the waiting area (wearing only a “baggy blue” mask) and although the equipment in the room where he is treated is ‘wiped down’ afterwards, the staff seem oblivious to the fact that the main method of transmission is airborne! Quite incredible and alarming in equal measure.

My aunt had a friend like you and she wouldn't go out in COVID and had only just started to venture out in march and by may she had a heart attack and died. Her family wished she had started to come out a bit earlier as she had lost a lot of time and now they just grieve for her lost life

My Aunt in Scotland was always out and about. Covid came and her family advised her to stay in. She has Type 2 diabetes but otherwise healthy. As the months passed she got very low and isolated from not socialising or just getting out.

She had a lovely big park near her with good paths all round and I suggested she wrap up warmly and went for a half hour walk each day. Her family advised against this so she didn’t. She still got covid from one of the family popping in.

So she spent the covid years stuck indoors and she found her legs were seizing up and she felt very unwell and said she felt she had aged 10 years. She got so frail that by the time she could have been safe going out, she could hardly walk.

She died last winter having only been out to the GP during that whole time. Very sad as she was such an active person.

Hi, I'm 69 with severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and am classed as vulnerable due to immune suppressant drugs I take, a JAK inhibitor. I was scared during covid pandemic but missed seeing my family and grandchildren enormously during that time. I've had all my vaccinations and extra boosters but think at my age life is for living, not being shut away. Please please seek advice from your GP and start going out again in a controlled way. Babysteps definitely..I go out and about every day, off to Hastings tomorrow. I do avoid crowded indoor events still but other than that want to actually live the years I have left. Courage my friend, start living a little after taking advice. Wishing you the very best.

Hi
My husband is CEV and I understand your caution.
Nowadays he does the following:
-Out to walk the dog every morning with a coffee stop - either a flask and cakes or at a small airy cafe.
-bike rides some afternoons
- careful weighing up if he wants to come to social gatherings, tending to stick to the outdoors or only come to small indoor gatherings with people who understand his risks ( difficult for many people as immune compromised is hard for others to appreciate)
- visitors are expected to feel that they are germ free or to stay away

As others have said baby steps is the way forward, and counselling or the support of a very supportive buddy for walks might help.

Good luck!

PS even his hospital staff have stopped wearing masks now. And people who we know have had access to antivirals if they have caught covid.

My goodness, what a way to live your life. Besides the physical health issues you are suffering you definitely need gentle yet consistent anxiety counselling - but that is only if you have the honest desire to want to re-enter into a lifestyle that can vaguely be classified as ‘normal’. Please seek help

You are not alone. During the pandemic I worked on a local help line and spoke to dozens of people who were told to isolate themselves because of their health issues. Many people are still struggling to find the courage to resume normal life.

There are loads of good suggestions here. Some over the phone counselling might be a good place to start. Your GP can organise that for you. It's a way to take a step forward into the world again. I wish you well.

So sorry you have these fears, as so many people do. Do enquire about some counselling, as others have suggested. The way you think about your health vulnerability will be important to your recovery. Unfortunately, by avoiding people, you are disarming your immune system and making it more likely that you will catch the viruses and other bugs which are doing the rounds. One very useful way of thinking of the immune system is to think of it being like a concert orchestra. There are many different sections which act in harmony to stop you from getting sick. Like an orchestra, it needs daily practice to achieve what it needs to do. Every day, your immune system successfully neutralises hundreds of thousands of potentially harmful viruses, bacteria, fungi and other organisms. In doing so, it keeps itself fit for purpose. When you isolate yourself and do not give your immune system regular practice, you make it more likely that it will become overwhelmed and you will 'catch' something. Evolution has equipped you with a wonderful system to stay well - have confidence in it - and get some counselling to help you do so. Good luck!

Some great advice on here re getting the GP's advice and taking baby steps with a very short local walk at a quiet time. I hope you feel able to try some of the ideas, gently does it and I hope it goes well for you.

If it would reassure you, could you ask your family to do a covid test before they visit so you could then allow them into the house ? It can’t be much fun for them either having to stay outside and talk to you through the windows.

Once again, the level of response to my problem has overwhelmed me. I shall try to follow all your good advice and will post a message when I am actually out and about again. The messages from people who have been in the same situation are inspiring. You are a wonderfully caring group of which I feel proud to be a part.
My sincere thanks and my very best wishes to all of you.
XX

I have low immune system and continue to use mask in shops and where there are crowds and when people come to house. Still wear mask at GP's, hospital etc regardless of what anyone might think, most people are fine with it. Also use hand sanitiser. Compromise by going maskless in airy eating places or walks in open , uncrowded places. Go to cinema by waiting till films are near the end of their run so the audience at a showing is tiny and spaced out. Took me small steps post lockdown but you will find the level you are happy to live with.