Rude grandson

BlueBelle

And still posters are going on about teenagers
HE’S BEEN LIKE IT SINCE A TODDLER 🤣🤣

........ No need to 'shout'

the fact he's been like it since a toddler just confirms it's his personality, dour!

Two things I want to say about this post. The first is that many Gransnet subscribers seem not to read the original text. I often notice that some people answer as if they haven’t read the original post nor other responses. What good is that? This lady clearly stated that the grandchild had been like this since he was a toddler so several people have responded “ He’s a teenager, they are like that “ or similar.
Also why are people keen to say when kids are badly behaved that it might be Asperger’s. This is so wrong, bad behaviour is that, sloppy parenting and lack of limits, Asperger’s is quite different.

And still posters are going on about teenagers
HE’S BEEN LIKE IT SINCE A TODDLER 🤣🤣

maybe he just has a dour personality. he sounds sullen rather than downright rude! does he take after mum or dad in that way.

Teenagers can be very socially inept, they have raging hormones and can feel very awkward which can sometimes come over as rudeness, disinterest and can lead to mental health issues especially if they feel they are being treated differently. I personally would continue to be the bigger person, show them the same love as the others and don’t discriminate and they will remember that as they get older. My 3 chikdren are now adults and they always say what a difficult time they gave me when they were teenagers but they understand now how hard it was for me, don’t despair, it ll come good in the end. As someone said further up he may be on the autistic spectrum somewhere which can manifest itself in teenage years and a sign of that is being uncomfortable in social situations, social anxiety disorders are rife at this age. Hope this helps

He sounds very similar to one of my sons, now 46, and I've always wondered if he was on the spectrum somewhere.He fell out with me for over 4 years and I didn't know why until he decided to speak to me again. As it turned out he thought I'd given one of my grandchildren a lot of money and left his children out - I hadn't. He's been like this since he was born although the huffs manifested in a different way when he was a baby. I now just take him as I find him. If he's speaking to me I'll call and contact him. If he's not speaking to me there's no point in contacting him as he'll just ignore phone calls, emails, messages through my other children. He speaks to me when he wants and I reciprocate. I don't hold grudges and I'm pretty sure he's on the spectrum somewhere but these things weren't as quickly recognised in the '70's.

This could almost be my son. Apart from the fact he did once have a relationship with his gp’s till he was pushed out.

His however alway been very shy, not one to talk even to family unless he felt very comfortable or only certain people around.

I’ve told him many a time to just say hello and goodbye like a good parent but how do you actually make them. You can’t. Could I take away his Xbox? Yeah I could but then he wouldn’t even be talking to his online friends or the small group of mates he has at school.

He knows exactly how is “d”gm feels about his lack of manners and how his aunty just think his rude but his just him his not a people person, his shy, he hates talking in front of groups of people etc even school day the same. Also frankly after he was pushed out they reep what they sowed with him now not giving them the time of day.

You can't make a difference in the price of gifts or the amount of money you give them, that is breeding hostility. Boys can be really grumpy teenagers.

People just aren’t reading this thread and it’s annoying
He is not just a teenager he has been this way since he was a toddler so it’s nothing to do with teenage angst
If Pip has not had a relationship with this lad in 16 years it isn’t going to happen now is it ?

Speak to the parents ( which you should have done years ago) saying you are concerned about his lack of communication skills and the least you expect is a hello, goodbye and a thank you for presents and hope that they at least speak to him

I doubt he’s being rude as such, there sounds much more depth to it than that

I m amazed that you’ve waited probably 13/14 years for this conversation

Neurodiverse ?? shy, hormonal or depressed teenager ??
Ask him to teach you chess or challenge him to a game of chess, engage him any way you can.
As he is nearly sixteen how about discussing a premium bond a/c with him instead of presents or getting him involved in a small home grown business /craft/ manufacturing venture appropriate for his age.

Summerlove

welbeck

that's just how he is.
sounds a bit self-important to be offended by it.
he's just minding his own business, not doing anything to harm you.
not wanting to interact particularly is not rude.

This is my opinion as well. As a shy introverted child, being forced to socialize properly with adults and guess at how each one wanted me to act was exhausting. Being forced to hug people if I didn’t want to felt like torture.

I always insisted my children say hello and goodbye, but after that socializing was on their terms.

Summerlove As a shy introverted child, being forced to socialize properly with adults and guess at how each one wanted me to act was exhausting. Being forced to hug people if I didn’t want to felt like torture.

Precisely what I attempted to say, inarticulately. Well done you.

Being an introvert is exhausting in a noisy world.

Do you see him often? He is not effusive so does not need hello's and goodbyes as if you were off to North Pole. I would leave it at that and reduce presents for ALL my grandchildren.

How is he with other people OP? Family? Is he more friendly with them?
I have a grandson much younger who has always been a bit ( sometimes a lot) rude, but don’t think he’s like that with other people.
I find myself keeping a distance now, but always say hello and goodbye. It saddens me.

welbeck

that's just how he is.
sounds a bit self-important to be offended by it.
he's just minding his own business, not doing anything to harm you.
not wanting to interact particularly is not rude.

This is my opinion as well. As a shy introverted child, being forced to socialize properly with adults and guess at how each one wanted me to act was exhausting. Being forced to hug people if I didn’t want to felt like torture.

I always insisted my children say hello and goodbye, but after that socializing was on their terms.

Neurodiverse ??

It's easy to underestimate the strong effect of computer games on teenage minds. My sons were often present in body alone. Their minds were in another universe as they played against rivals across the globe. When I stuck my head round the door with a cheery "Tea's ready!" the best response I got was a sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth.

Perhaps ND is less common than we now wish to believe, many are normal shy introverts. Many people are happy in their own niche, doing things that suit (playing games in this example).

He sounds a normal teenager at the "Kevin" grunt stage. Maybe his present should be a book on manners. On the positive side
Most teenagers go through this and come out the other side perfectly well. its just painful

I would say carry on as normal gift wise so long as you can afford to BUT when you give him the present and he doesn't say thank you then I would most definitely tell him that common politeness if nothing else requires him to at least offer thanks. If he doesn't comply I would say that there won't be any more gifts. As for not even saying goodbye when you leave, I would stand directly in front of him and say 'cheerio then ...' and stay there until he acknowledges you. There is absolutely no excuse for being so rude whether he is a teenager or not -imo!

I've "forgotten" a rude family member's birthday and also because of the lack of thank yous. I got fed up and had enough.

Saying he’s ‘a teenager’ is the get-out -of-jail free card Aggie! My 16 year old grandson is the total opposite ….well mannered …polite….and helpful . He has his teenage moments , but can be reasoned with . If my grandson behaved this way toward me …his parents would collectively ( they’re divorced )drop on him from a great height! The parents should not allow this ‘surly’ and ‘rude’ behaviour to go on. Have a word with them.

I’ve got a 14 year old Grandson and I understand how you feel but I’ve made an effort with mine to get him talking and laughing when I see him, which isn’t often because he’s always on his X box but I want him to look back on our time with fond memories someday. We’ve only got the one DGS so we give him pocket money each week via his account. To begin with we didn’t get a thank you, but after a couple of months I had a quiet word with his Dad my DS who explained to him by all accounts if he didn’t say thank you either by phone or text it would be stopped. As the years have gone on I don’t expect a thank you every week but a quick text from him every 3/4 weeks is appreciated. So if I don’t hear from him I send him a quick text asking how he is, how’s school and if he got the money last weekend? That normally starts of a conversation from him which is nice. Unfortunately that’s the way teens seem to do it I’ve realised but as long as we keep a line of some sort open for communication I’m happy. When he starts driving no doubt I’ll see more of him like my own DM did with my Son. As for his rudeness (which it is ) if he doesn’t even have the manners to come say Hello when you visit if I were you I’d either get your DS to call him down when you visit or have a word in your Sons ear and then drop into the conversation to your Grandson something along the lines of ‘ your a bit rude not saying hello / goodbye, are you ok?’. Im afraid I’m more blunt than you by the sounds of it as I was brought up with manners and we brought our DS up with manners. As for presents please don’t give him less than your other Grandchildren but I would either text him or phone him before his birthday or Christmas and ask him if he’d like the cash instead or a present. Unfortunately with teenagers you do have to urge them to have a conversation with you I’ve found. Personally even if he was autistic or whatever label seems to be put on youngsters now with no manners I wouldn’t agree that is a reason for rudeness.

Perhaps he's high functioning autistic but undiagnosed, especially if his sister is polite and friendly. People with Aspergers, for example, have a difficult time relating to others socially.

I had a very dear friend whose grandchild never said thank you for gifts or cheques. So one year she send a cheque and purposely didn’t sign it.