How long would you wait?

My friend who behaves badly in restaurants is notorious for cancelling at the last minute. The ‘best’ was when we arranged to go to an exhibition at the V&A (I’m a member so don’t pay) and at the last minute said she had to look after someone’s dog! I went anyway as I’d booked a train.

I do think the lady who informed you of the new coffee and cake group should have informed you if it was not taking place it is common curtsey.
If you would like to get out and about why not join the local U3A, they have many interest groups and are located throughout the UK .

And perhaps they did Welbeck. The cafe may have served some grannies who waited and perhaps did meet another person but we will never know.

i wouldn't have bothered going out in the rain for something like that.
but neither would i expect people to be there at a set time for a coffee event.
i'd expect them to drop in sometime mid morning.

Hard to phone people when you haven't their numbers. It was a casual drop in sort of thing . I won't bother again.

I’d agree with others on the idea of setting up a WhatsApp group so people can post to let everyone know if they intend to join the group or not. It’s so annoying when you have taken the time to get there on time and no one else has bothered to show up. I think you waited long enough.
I’d give up altogether with the group if they can’t get some way of communicating and getting their act together.

Well, to be honest I think whoever arranged it was rather rude not to ring the meeting place and ask them to let you know! I wouldn’t bother arranging to meet them again…..

I do also think someone should have rang you to say they were running late but that’s me, I’m always early but I’d have let you know

I would have waited ten mins than rang to find out what was happening no you weren’t hasty I wouldn’t have waited that long 🤣

I have a friend who I worked with for quite a few years but we keep in touch and visited many times. We have made arrangements to go for a coffee and catch up several times since we left our jobs but on the day of the meet she would text me and cancel due to ill health. I have given up making arrangements anymore. The last time we were both invited to her house because we know her and DH well and I made them a couple of cakes. Needless to say she cancelled so I put the freshly made cakes in the freezer and gave one to my daughter when she came.

Someone I thought of as a friend and used to meet up for coffee with fairly regularly did not turn up one day. I waited for about twenty minutes, messaged her later but have never heard from her since. I know she was on the look out for a new relationship (unlike myself!) so I wondered… Had it confirmed later that she had a new man and had dropped out of the groups we both belonged to. I hope it doesn’t go the way of all her previous ones which appear to have been unmitigated disasters! I certainly wouldn’t bother with her again after her rudeness!

Surely not ALL of them were 20 mins late? Had they changed the location and failed to update you?

I have always had a "thing" about commitment and punctuality. Making a plan to get to locations and exactly how much time I can allow for travelling. My husband is even worse. Our children are much more relaxed and get quite a giggle about our intensity for being on time.
I will allow 10 minutes waiting time for bus, train times roadworks, etc. What I will do nowadays when roads are forever being dug up, the trains regularly cancelled I don't know. I have to say the buses in our area are great!

Foxygloves

@Biglouis in your student days we did not have the luxury of mobile phones , emails, WhatsApp or texting so if you were away from home, you were incommunicado.
Frankly I am amazed that this incident from your student days all those years ago still (clearly) rankles.
Mind you I have one recollection from that distant past, a very easy on the eye Swiss boy in Neuchâtel I was supposed to meet one evening.
I thought at the Beaulac, he thought the Beau Rivage.
No phones, no date. We each went our separate ways home, not best pleased!
{Sigh.}
I shall never know whether we might have had a future together . Who knows, I might have been a neighbour Fleurpepper !

Reminds me of a German boyfriend who was over here with a student group.
Just as we were getting on well I ended up with my leg in plaster and no way of letting him know as they were all camping.

He did have my address though and wrote, sending me a German Primer but alas, it was not meant to be.

I'd usually wait 15 minutes and then ring or message them. Except when a lovely friend and I planned to meet in a café. She is notoriously late so I took a book and waited for an hour, after which I rang her and said I hope you're ok, where are you? In the café, she replied. We were at opposite ends of the café, backs to each other. We roared with laughter and hugged, causing many stares.

My sister, who lived in London, was to meet me in Edinburgh at Thins bookshop. Afterwards we were to go for an Italian meal in George St.
Sensible sister went to the George St branch of Thins whereas I was at the original one at Southbridge.

No mobile phones back then but luckily she phoned a mutual friend from a phone box who was able to tell her there was another branch.
We met up eventually.
I have to recommend a bookshop as a good meeting place.

@Biglouis in your student days we did not have the luxury of mobile phones , emails, WhatsApp or texting so if you were away from home, you were incommunicado.
Frankly I am amazed that this incident from your student days all those years ago still (clearly) rankles.
Mind you I have one recollection from that distant past, a very easy on the eye Swiss boy in Neuchâtel I was supposed to meet one evening.
I thought at the Beaulac, he thought the Beau Rivage.
No phones, no date. We each went our separate ways home, not best pleased!
{Sigh.}
I shall never know whether we might have had a future together . Who knows, I might have been a neighbour Fleurpepper !

That's not great. How disappointing. As suggested how about forming a WhatsApp group of the potential 'coffee group' and you can then all keep each other informed if you are going or not and also the WhatsApp group can often bring people closer together. A specific 'event' is always a good thing to work around

I have a rule that I never wait more than 15 minutes nowadays. Unless its a very close friend then I will give them a bit more leeway. My time is valuable.

I once travelled into Manchester to meet a friend for a meal. She never turned up. I was quite angry because I has taken an evening off work to meet her so I lost money - it was back in my student days. When I phoned her she said she had to put her car in for servicing. So you couldnt have told me beforehand? So you have never heard of trains? (she lived 5 minutes walk from a station).

Lter that year she let me down over a holiday. Needless to say I dropped her.

I think this is a symptom of why the group stopped. Most are elderly, it was raining heavily and only about 3 of them are close friends. The leader rang me yesterday so I hadnt got the time wrong. I think I'll give it a miss next time.

That's annoying! Do you have a WhatsApp group or can you phone one of the others to check?
It might be so casual that unless there is an actual date and time, appointments and all sorts take precedence.

I always remember a cartoon from a comic. There's a tug of war and the each one of the weary tuggers has a bubble saying:
I'll let go, the others won't know
Ofcourse disaster follows.

A group to which I belong meet for coffee at the beginning of every month, in addition to the regular meetings. The original meeting time was from 10am onwards. As I lived closest to the venue I was frequently the first. Most drifted in closer to 10.30am. Eventually at my suggestion, the time was changed to 10.30am onwards. This suited people better, meaning most arrived close to the suggested time. Although others arrive nearer 11am.
If it were me I would send a light hearted message to say I waited, but did I get the day /time wrong?
I'm pretty sure you will receive an explanation and be more successful next time. Hope it works out for you.

Wrong day, perhaps? I went into work one morning, having completely forgotten I'd booked the day off. There was someone else at my desk and cries of 'What are you doing here?'

I would have texted or phoned after 15 minutes in case the venue or time had changed without me knowing.

Oooo, that's disappointing. Hope the coffee was a good one at least.
I hate waiting so I think you did well to last 20 minutes. Perhaps they have changes the time a little. Can you check with her for next time?