My adult DCs don't get on

They are both adults and must work out their differences themselves.

Your son must/should sort his own career out. It may well not be wise to get involved financially - you could end up losing a massive amount of money.

I realise you love both of them, but in order to help them move on to be independent adults you need to lay down some ground rules. While they live in your house they should not be causing the police to be called.

Siblings, just for the sake of being such, dont have to get along.

Different personalities, hobbies, etc... it is not unusual for adult siblings to have less than close relationships

This is more not than not getting along - they are 10000000% incompatible and you know this got out of hand a long time ago

An obvious no to your son's suggestion of passive income

Your son must not have any ownership of pets or have contact with any, given his reaction about the dog and shower incident.
It sounds to me it is the perfect recipe for animal abuse

What your children need is professional help for their neurodoversity, mental health and achieve as much independence as they can

It is obvious that living together is not working and other arrangements must be made asap or anybody could end up arrested and in jail.

Surely these two shouldn’t be living under the same roof? And preferably neither of them should still be under your roof. Ideally they should both now be learning to manage their own lives independently of you and away from each other. Perhaps they can be positively encouraged to take steps towards independence now? I know this is easier said than done, but life could be so much better for all of you, and you really will be helping them in the long run by being a bit harder-hearted now.

I know from the experiences of a friend with two AC similar to yours, that things can escalate in these hot-house circumstances, and eventually are likely to explode and cause lasting damage.

I don’t think you getting involved in your son’s property business is a good idea in these circumstances.

I think you need some professional input with this tbh from someone who knows about both their conditions. There should be a specialist psychiatric service or PBS in your area, so I would advise you to contact your GP or social services as they will know more about referral and what is available. Good luck. It sounds utterly miserable for you

These soud like the kinds of troublesome "adult" children I would have kicked out at 18 if I had been so foolish as to have kids.

Sadly no services offering help - we're on our own.

My DS looks after the dogs better than anyone most of the time. The dog he shouted at goes everywhere with him, willingly. They play a lot together etc.

Yes they don't get on, shouldn't be living together but what's the alternative? My DD moved out - no job nothing. She got £250 towards her rent of £650 cos they only need to contribute to her rent, that's how she became suicidal.

People with neurodiversity are the forgotten and their parents are left unsupported.

Thanks for the replies everyone

You need help, you can’t continue like this. Would you talk to your GP who could refer you somewhere for assistance? Psychological if nothing else.

Hithere

Siblings, just for the sake of being such, dont have to get along.

Different personalities, hobbies, etc... it is not unusual for adult siblings to have less than close relationships

This is more not than not getting along - they are 10000000% incompatible and you know this got out of hand a long time ago

An obvious no to your son's suggestion of passive income

Your son must not have any ownership of pets or have contact with any, given his reaction about the dog and shower incident.
It sounds to me it is the perfect recipe for animal abuse

What your children need is professional help for their neurodoversity, mental health and achieve as much independence as they can

It is obvious that living together is not working and other arrangements must be made asap or anybody could end up arrested and in jail.

Good advice. Says it all. Take it SG Boo

SGBoo have you contacted Mind to ask them for help. If they are like the Brain Charity they have a specialists teams for benefits , counselling ,activities etc.

There are bound to be other charities that help with mental health conditions.

Are you children on any benefits? Worth going on gov.org and see what they could claim.

Hithere gave sound advice. You need to act today before things get worse.