goodwill vs exploitation ?

A retreat after a nasty flu bug sounds like a good idea to me.

Why don't you ask her for the money?

I think I would say that you were a little worried that if she’d left the money in the porch, you hadn’t managed to find it.

Bella23, what a minx!
our neighbour is late 70’s, drives, is sociable, active in the town
committees etc.,
very popular always having visitors.
My ndn this am informs me, when I asked had she seeen her
to speak to, that she avoids her as always favours being asked without any reciprocation.
Apparently, she has been to a retreat in the Cotswolds,
plenty of enlightenment there I wager!
It was more our time and effort than the money which we
now realise we will not see, given the intelligence received
today, 2 weeks too late.
No good deed goes unpunished tra la

Nobody likes to feel taken for granted, or being made a mug of.

Being made a mug of was definitely implied.

Of course, I don't know this person and have no idea how much you spent for her relief when she needed it.

Baggs - she hasn’t ‘forgotten’ the way to the Cotswolds this last week, she drives, she isn’t senile, we have made quite a few ‘allowances’ actually.
I didn’t say we have been made mugs of and no we are not resntful and no we will not help out again and no we are not out of pocket more out of human kindness see above.

Your situation is exactly why I leave my very elderly next-door neighbour alone. Many incidents have happened but like you with the shopping, she phoned and asked if `I had any things on a list she had, I said no but was going shopping and would get some.
I took them around and was told she would not support the supermarket where I shop and refused them. So I came away unpaid with things I did not need.

The facts of her being elderly and too ill to venture out could mean she has forgotten to pay you back. You should allow for that.

To say you feel you have been "made mugs of" sounds resentful to me. Could you not be prepared to help this lady out again but tell her you need to be paid back because you can't afford to be out of pocket?

foxie48, thanks for your reply - my OH who is not mean spirited in any way, speculated that as we had actually asked was there anything she needed? saying that he was walking up to Waitrose, it being the only food shop in our town, whether she assumed we were buying these items for her, ie as a gift? perhaps this is a stretch? we left her tomatoes, fruit, from our garden which we wouldn’t expect payment for, but then she requested the hard shop.
I cannot think we will be unpleasant, but certainly never do it again !
She has come home today so perhaps she will remember.
I/we never pop round. She has visitors at the moment.
Nobody likes to feel taken for granted, or being made a mug of.

I would give a gentle reminder next time you see her "just wondered if my husband remembered to put the receipt for your shopping in the bag when he dropped it off - he might have forgotten, I think it was about £30?"

We can all totally forget about something and she would probably be very embarrassed to know she had forgotten - kinder to clear it up now.

I agree with foxie48 talk to your neighbour now to save unpleasantness later.

I think I'd have to grit my teeth and go round, ask how she's feeling now and remind her directly (but politely) that she's forgotten to pay. If she doesn't have a history of not paying, it's probably a genuine oversight, and she'd be mortified if she suddenly realized later.

I'd pop round to ask after her health and then remind her that she hasn't paid you. Just ask her for the cash. I don't think there are limits to being "kind" it's a lovely thing to help out a neighbour but if you don't ask and she's forgotten it will end in unpleasantness, which is a great pity.