Irritating Mother In Law

I would tell her it’s stressful enough for new parents and her anxiety and fears are just adding unnecessary difficulty to the situation.
Could you sit down with her snd ask her why she is so anxious. How was it for her when she had her son etc. and does she think she has got more negative/ afraid as she has got older. I find if I can get someone like that to talk it can remove some of the difficulty.
It is quite normal these days for new parents to not have their own parents so involved. Maybe she can’t handle that and this is her way of trying to control the situation so she doesn’t need to feel redundant.

Pressed send too soon…. Hope you can enjoy your Gchild.

I think my MIL and StepM were full of anxious comments and suggestions about how we “ should” be doing this or that with our newborn. The baby thrived despite their concerns. We were good parents but had our own ways of doing things because time and ideas move on. I felt their negativity was partly down to them feeling undermined, a loss of power, no longer the matriarch in control of all motherhood matters. Maybe that is part of the issue with MIL in this case. Sometimes it’s hard for the parent to understand youngsters are now adults who can cope with a baby. Sounds like the SIL has it in hand and hopefully everyone will adjust and be happy.

What a Debbie-downer at this happy time. She is very insecure if she’s acting like that. You have to wonder, what is her problem?

I would ignore her rants. Tell her to talk directly to her son and leave you out of it. Change the subject in the conversation. Pretty soon she may stop calling if you don’t agree with her.

That might be a good thing.
USA Gundy

Feel sorry for mothers in law they get a hard time

I would just say, "With all due respect MIL, all these points you raise are parenting decisions and are none of our business. We need to respect and have faith in the fact that our children are grown adults capable of making their own informed and sensible decisions with regards to their own child. Jumping in with comments criticising their choices or parenting methods is overstepping as they are building their own family together and that does not include us, we now become extended family. I fear that raising such topics can only result in their little nuclear family becoming annoyed and potentially estranged from you so better to just trust in their process"

Nansnet

I like what Nannashirlz said ... "it’s nice that you care so much".

If she messages you again, I'd just exactly that ... "It's nice that you care so much, but best that you mention this to your DS as I don't want to interfere with their decisions. We all know how new parents are with their babies ..."

Brilliant!
I could have done with this phrase a few years ago!

Hope you enjoy your Gchild.

Giddyup210 Any advice most welcome how to deal with her!

Her son deals with her difficult behaviour - sounds as if he is attempting.

You stay well out of it all and remain pleasantly silent on all topics that have no bearing on you - baby photos, carseats, etc.

She may be 'one of those' and continue on causing her own problems, no need for you to be involved of converse on her silly topics.

Nansnet

I like what Nannashirlz said ... "it’s nice that you care so much".

If she messages you again, I'd just exactly that ... "It's nice that you care so much, but best that you mention this to your DS as I don't want to interfere with their decisions. We all know how new parents are with their babies ..."

Perfect!

If it were me, I would just be nice when she raises concerns, ie.if she said don’t I think baby has too much clothing, I would answer no, they are doing just fine.Shes just over excited and anxious. Sometimes the paternal mil has less contact as girls would rather speak with their moms and the mil gets but pushed out,

I like what Nannashirlz said ... "it’s nice that you care so much".

If she messages you again, I'd just exactly that ... "It's nice that you care so much, but best that you mention this to your DS as I don't want to interfere with their decisions. We all know how new parents are with their babies ..."

Clearly she is an anxious GM ! Leave your SIL to sort her out ,the last thing your DD needs just now is unnecessary panic from her MIL. Congratulations on the birth of your GC. nothing nicer 👶!!

I had similar issues with my MIL and I became very irritated by her. For example when my elderly GM died 2 months after the birth of DD1 she tried to stop me from taking the baby to the funeral as it was “bad luck” for her. I had no choice as it was some distance away and I was breastfeeding! After that drama it was something else. Looking back I realise that she was extremely anxious and overexcited by the arrival of a new GC. It took a while but things improved significantly.

Some people glass is always half empty. You will probably never change them good luck if you do try. Dont let it get to you the problem is hers

Congratulations to the both families on the birth of your new family member. I’m an inlaw having two sons. They are always issues when a new baby comes into families. It’s a big deal becoming a grandparent and watching your child with a little one. Maybe try looking at it from her side. Me and mum inlaw are fussers with my youngest but daughter inlaw is always saying so but she said it’s nice that you care so much. I don’t put any photos of any of my 4grandkids online because you don’t know what perv is looking at them.

My ma in law said the same thing V3ra. We took no notice and there was no christening.

She's overly anxious probably because she is a grandmother and therefore not directly responsible for the child's welfare.

I know the feeling but we have to 🤐 and she hasn't realised that yet. These thoughts come in the middle of the night but we just have to keep them to ourselves.

Perhaps her DS could have a word with her.

Son in law problem. Only he can deal with this. Keep well out of it.

I agree with others your SIL needs to tell his mother he can deal with things and she is making other people worried by her comments.

She sounds very anxious about the baby imagining harms that are unlikely to happen. It is irritating but maybe she needs help with her anxiety. Your SiL may know his mum is an anxious person.

Leave it to your son in law to reassure her/deal with her - otherwise she will blame your daughter and side of the family.

My mother-in-law used to say don't look at the baby over the top of their head as it'll make them cross-eyed 🙄

I did see red though when we'd been discussing having a christening or not as we weren't church-goers.
Apparently if we didn't, and our baby died, they wouldn't go to heaven 😳

Giddyup10 your son-in-law needs to tell his mother to keep her unhelpful comments to herself.

Some people are negative and always looks for problems in any situation. I would feel sorry for her it must be a miserable way to live.

Could someone point out to her to her in a kindly way that she always looks for the negatives, she may not realise she does it.

Congratulations to your daughter, SIL and you on the birth of your grandchild. Is it this MILs first grandchild?
Is your daughter OK with her posting pics of their baby?

I would keep the line of communication open with this MIL, however it looks as if she is hoping that you will corroborate with her and her cronies.

Hello Giddyup, congratulations on the birth of your GC.

I hope no one will allow this over anxious GM to take the joy out of such a wonderful time for you all. Your s.i.l's. sent just the right message to his mum so best thing you can do is to leave it in their hands.

My advice for you is to smile and tell her not to worry and then change the subject.