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AIBU

Shoes off

(158 Posts)
Shelflife Thu 30-Nov-23 00:06:36

I understand that many people expect guests to remove shoes on entering their house. I have no objection to this and fully respect their request. However........... if this is important to them why do they not provide a chair / stool for their guests to use when removing and putting shoes back on ? I visited a new neighbour recently and it was clear what was expected of me - a large shallow tray to place outdoor shoes on . That is perfectly ok , but I had to bend down and found it a struggle to remove my shoes and replace them when leaving ( slip ons next time !) AIBU to think this? We don't expect our visitors to remove their shoes. I am uncomfortable in just socks ! Somewhere to sit in the hall when visiting people would make things so much easier!!!!

Mollygo Fri 01-Dec-23 14:53:27

We are a shoes-on house, even though we change our shoes when we come into the . If visitors e.g. DGS prefer to take them off then they are welcome to do so.
When we were younger, we used to be a shoes off house, but as our visitors get older, we don’t insist. If Mum and her friends had to take their shoes off and put them on again every time they came to our house, they would have been reluctant to visit.

Nannarose Fri 01-Dec-23 14:13:34

Interesting thread, which seems to indicate this isn't a class issue as such, but a cultural issue for some, and individual for others.
If you are a 'shoes off' person, can I ask you to:
1. Give warning
2. Provide a chair of some kind (even if you have to fetch one or have a folding one available)
3. Consider making exceptions.

Elusivebutterfly Fri 01-Dec-23 13:53:52

It's only in recent years that it's become a thing to have shoes off in my experience. I hate it. My feet are very bony and arthritic and it is painful and cold to walk barefoot. In addition, as I need to wear lace ups, trying to put them back on without being able to sit down would be very difficult. I can't walk much in slippers either.
I have indoor shoes which I keep for just indoors. If I knew in advance that someone woud insist on taking shoes off I would ask if I could wear those and, if not, probably not visit.

hollysteers Fri 01-Dec-23 13:29:57

Sorry Muffintops you need to start a new discussion even though this is AIBU

hollysteers Fri 01-Dec-23 13:26:40

Muffintops you are in the wrong thread. You need AIBU.
Take it as a compliment, your sister wants to be like you.

Mamasperspective Fri 01-Dec-23 11:21:03

I consider it basic manners to take shoes off when entering someone's home, I always go to remove my shoes unless they specifically say, "No need to take your shoes off"

I also don't think it's always possible to make a chair available, our hallway (for example) has the stairs plus doors leading off to the living room, kitchen and downstairs toilet so a chair would block access

silverlining48 Fri 01-Dec-23 09:39:01

Everywhere in my youth until fairly recently was shoes on.
It just helps to be aware that things change,

Witzend Fri 01-Dec-23 08:51:52

I’m not sure why anyone thinks it was only not a thing for ‘the aristocracy’, since they had servants to clean up.

My family and general circle were MC and were always ‘shoes on’, and hardly anybody I knew even had a cleaner. My mother never did until she was widowed and in her late 70s.

Muffintops Fri 01-Dec-23 04:45:58

My sister and I are both of us in our sixties. She is always creating competition between us, having to one up me and repeatedly copies my clothing style, hair style, various things I buy for the house and garden, and now the last straw is that she has bought herself my signature scent I have used for 30 years.
That really ticked me off and confronted her and she said she had also used that scent for 20 years which is a barefaced fib. I've had enough and told her she has violated my boundaries and I am distancing myself from her. Am I being unreasonable?

silverlining48 Thu 30-Nov-23 22:54:52

Merlot 🤢🫣

silverlining48 Thu 30-Nov-23 22:51:55

Oh that’s interesting. I call mine slippers but yours are bedroom slippers. Vive la difference. 🥿⛸️🛼👠👡👢👞
😊

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 22:48:46

But would they know, especially on dark nights….. sad eek!

They might not be able to see but hopefully their sense of smell would still be intact.
Mine certainly would! 😂

hollysteers Thu 30-Nov-23 22:44:42

silverlining48

Interested in slippers, and those who wear them upstairs only, wondering what they wear downstairs. we wear ours both up and downstairs. As for using slippers provided if I had socks on I wouldn't worry about it

Downstairs, I wear very comfortable indoor shoes when dressed.
Sacrilege to wear bedroom slippers through the day.
Rather like going to the supermarket in your pyjamas 😁

silverlining48 Thu 30-Nov-23 22:43:39

But would they know, especially on dark nights….. sad eek!
As an aside I have never asked anyone to take off their shoes, happily, all but one couple, just do it.

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 22:40:01

The only time I would ever ask visitors to remove their shoes would be if they’d trodden in dog sh*t on their way from the car to the door.

silverlining48 Thu 30-Nov-23 22:26:15

Interested in slippers, and those who wear them upstairs only, wondering what they wear downstairs. we wear ours both up and downstairs. As for using slippers provided if I had socks on I wouldn't worry about it

silverlining48 Thu 30-Nov-23 22:22:16

Lighter carpets make rooms look larger and most people have plain not patterned which will show any marks.
If visiting most countries in Europe and further afield people remove shoes as a matter of course.

Skydancer Thu 30-Nov-23 21:51:23

It absolutely isn't a good idea but was here when we moved in. It does however show how dirty carpet actually gets.

Grandma70s Thu 30-Nov-23 21:49:17

Skydancer, perhaps a pale carpet is not a good idea.

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 21:25:42

I gave somebody a lift home from a meeting last week and she invited me in for coffee. She told me they were a no shoe house so I took mine off in the hall. I then followed her into the kitchen stepping over two cat litter trays. I was informed that two were a necessity because her cat was on medication following a week of diarrhoea. 😮😮😮

My socks went in the wash the minute I got home! 😂

Skydancer Thu 30-Nov-23 21:11:46

I would not dream of wearing shoes in someone's house especially on carpet, I get so cross when people walk on our pale carpet with their dirty shoes but I never say anything of course.

Grandma70s Thu 30-Nov-23 21:09:31

I have only encountered shoe removal when a young neighbour came round and took his shoes off in the hall. In the whole of my 83 years that’s the only time I’ve seen it - unless the shoes are wet or muddy, in which case common sense would tell you to remove them.

My floors are for walking on. A few germs on a floor just don’t matter. I don’t intend to eat off the floor, or to ask my guests to..

hollysteers Thu 30-Nov-23 20:55:56

Mats in porch and inside front door here to wipe your feet. I never ask anyone to remove their shoes, even through years of teaching privately here.
Outdoor shoes and indoor shoes for me. Bedroom slippers downstairs! Pass the smelling salts 😨

merlotgran Thu 30-Nov-23 20:42:48

Aveline

merlotgran best clarify which brick wall you're planning to bang your head off!

Well I would but I’ve never banged my head off one.

Aveline Thu 30-Nov-23 20:35:36

merlotgran best clarify which brick wall you're planning to bang your head off!