Christmas Newsletters

My late DH used to sit down every year conscientiously
to write his round robin (family and friends here and abroad) and I used to pull his leg about it.
He didn’t boast, but was very honest about ups and downs.
However one year I came across his Xmas letter at a mutual friend’s house in London which I hadn’t seen and was taken aback to read all about my gynaecological surgery etc. I try not to mention my health generally 😁
How I would love to see him sitting at the dining room table this year doing his write up😢

indeed

How do I get this point across?
I am not jealous, envious, nor spiteful. Please stop implying that I am.

I have known this person from primary school, where even then, she looked down on those, who were less well off than her and boasted about how wealthy her family were. A real friend wouldn't do that.
She hadn't a clue how some families were struggling.

Perhaps, I do have a chip on my shoulder, after all!

Can't you just be happy for your friends? You might not think their children are all that bright but it's lovely that they do.

Maybe they're not portraying their lives as perfect, just telling people the nice things that have happened to them.

I am thinking of one family in particular, whose children are all highly intelligent, excel at sports and are musically gifted.

I am proud of my children, but I don't boast about it.

However I do question the veracity of how wonderful some people's lives are. I will repeat, no-one's life can be as perfect as some portray it.

Maybe they're not portraying their lives as perfect, just telling people the nice things that have happened to them.

I very rarely tell anyone outside close family the bad things that happen to us. Nothing to do with 'seeming perfect'. Sometimes I don't want people to worry. I also don't want people constantly asking 'Is it okay now? Is it fixed yet? Are you okay now?' And I certainly don't want to relive those things later in the year, I want to forget them and look forward to better things.

I used to get these Round Robins from an ex work colleague full of how many wonderful holidays they had been on, how well their children were doing in their jobs etc etc.

I felt quite hurt that they hadn’t even added a sentence at the end asking how I and my family were getting on, and that they couldn’t be bothered to write a more personal and individual letter to me.

I have only ever had one person who sent boasting letters. Most people write about their year, and, yes, things that have gone well, but also the things that have gone wrong, deaths and redundancies.

I wrote about DD's road accident, DH's heart attack, The stresses and strains when I suddenly had to take on the care of elderly relations. In fact i wrote aabout our lives, the good bits and the bad.

This year I talk about our moving plans, health problem, in a positive manner; DGD's GCSE success her Saturday job, all the minutae of our lives. The letters go out to family members and a few friends, not to everybody we send a card to.

There is nothing wrong with the round robin, all that matters is what you put in it.

I have still got copie sof the last 20 letters I have written

However I do question the veracity of how wonderful some people's lives are. I will repeat, no-one's life can be as perfect as some portray it.
That's an interesting thought, but maybe everyone's view of their own life is highly subjective.
I might seriously "believe" that my house is on a par with Buck Palace, that my wardrobe rivals that of Lady Gaga and that my dog is far superior to any Crufts champion, so I will just tell you honestly. But then I'm a very open person without secrets, and never seek to deceive. Maybe it is the tone some people use, maybe a touch of humility is needed and too many superlatives, especially in writing, can sometimes sound OTT.
I just found the accusation that someone might be lying a bit wide off the mark.

Aveline

A sad state of affairs indeed when you grudge or disbelieve others their interesting lives. If you can't stand hearing from these old friends just don't read their Christmas letters.

You have totally missed the point Aveline! I don't begrudge anyone joy or success in their lives. What an unpleasant accusation.
However I do question the veracity of how wonderful some people's lives are. I will repeat, no-one's life can be as perfect as some portray it.

A sad state of affairs indeed when you grudge or disbelieve others their interesting lives. If you can't stand hearing from these old friends just don't read their Christmas letters.

Calendargirl

annsixty

Oh dear, what a reaction to my post.
I should like to say I have neither a chip on my shoulder or am jealous of anyone, what a dreadful conclusion to draw.

I thought your post was fine annsixty.

You just said what many of us think.

👍🏻

I thought that too, Annsixty.

I think Christmas letters are a bit like posts on this forum. Some people wax lyrical about how many cashmere cardigans they own and how amazing their theatre trips are. Others talk about illness and sadness in their lives, whilst many simply describe their plans for the day and enjoy the love and support they give and receive. Long may it continue.

The round Robins I get are from DH's old work colleagues, on first reading they sound fictional but I do know they live the kind of lives they write about.
The only thing that annoyed me about the last one I got was the fact that they addressed the card and letter to Mr &Mrs harrigran despite being told and having been sent an order of service from DH's funeral.

I enjoy them. I am interested in people I care about, even if our main relationship was in the past. We don't really get those boasting ones.

I used to get one from an acquaintance who clearly wrote a sentence for each month during the year and printed it off in December. I was fascinated to read that in March she had soup and sandwiches with Bob and Betty.
On the other hand I welcome real news, happy or sad that is jotted on the card.

Dickens

Those round-robins are a good idea in principle but reading over-long tomes about the events that make up the lives of friends and acquaintances you don't see very often - and only think of occasionally- can be tedious.

I've never written one because I know I could not make it interesting enough.

I'm seldom interested in other people's holiday experiences so don't believe they'd be interested in mine. I did a six-week tour of Eastern Europe a while back - it was fascinating (and sometimes even dangerous)... but only to me and as I don't have the skill of a great author, I think the recounting of the travels would simply be a rather boring read.

My offspring are doing fairly well - but no better than most of the children and grandchildren of others, so who'd want to read a litany about their progress?

Nope... I'll stick to sending cards if necessary with the simple, "we're all well, hope to see you in the near future".

I'd love to hear about your tour of Eastern Europe Dickens.. did you do it through a travel company?

Quizzer: methinks they do protest too much.
Porkies, probably, to the end!

annsixty

Oh dear, what a reaction to my post.
I should like to say I have neither a chip on my shoulder or am jealous of anyone, what a dreadful conclusion to draw.

I thought your post was fine annsixty.

You just said what many of us think.

👍🏻

I don’t mind them. You are hardly going to spell out doom and gloom at Christmas, particularly to people you rarely see. I couldn’t be bothered doing one this year but when I do I include some difficult times as well. However, some years are just magic and there aren’t any negatives. Lucky. Be pleased for them.

I find them hilarious.. Poor things, so boring and insecure that they have to manufacture “perfection”?
I have to confess that I do write one myself, but since my life is very pedestrian, I try to keep it short and just giving actual news.

I don't mind them at all, though when I send them, I do also add in some of the perhaps not so good news as I just feel it sounds more 'rounded' and like normal life! However , I did used to get one every year from an old school friend whose children and grandchildren I had never met, and everything was all 'wonderful' but that was OK. It was the fact that every letter was typed and started with 'Dear......' with a gap to add the recipients name but was never filled in. It then immediately followed with all their news without even a 'how are you' and continued on for pages and ended just as abruptly without even a 'Happy Christmas to you and your family' . In all those years there had never been any mention of me or my family or of the letters I sent her, not even a hand written PS to say thank you for your letter or anything and despite me being remarried for 20 years, most letters came to me addressed in my previous surname! I stopped writing a couple of years ago and I don't expect she even noticed!

Yes heard a lot from so called friends with self inflated egos never ending ramblings of holidays and GC who are so so clever. We got sick of listening to it so stopped bothering. We feel a lot better for it and concentrate on our own family.

Germanshepherdsmum

I’m glad I wasn’t on your Christmas card list NS!

Ha ha! Yes. Fair enough.
But they never went to everyone anyway!

I would love to receive round robins. I get xmas cards from family and friends but never anything written in them about how they are doing. I send cards too but just sign our names. I'd love to know what people are doing on holiday their hobbies etc but not at length. Maybe I'm just a nosey person but I would prefer to be called interested in other folk