Christmas stocking has to be from Santa

BlueBelle

*Also, wow! Telling me that I should admit I made a mistake, and apologize, when they’re the ones who turned on me for trying to do something nice. Give your heads a shake*

But it is you that have made a big mistake and you still don't see it !
I hope it’s just temporary because you’re upset over your husbands health but somehow I don’t think it is,I can foresee trouble ahead
She needs the magic of Santa keeping for at least about 6 or more years not gratitude to her grandmother that ll hopefully come when she’s older
Do it the parents way maybe you feel you were blindsided this time (I d have asked before hand about the distribution and gone with what I was told) but you definitely know for next year

BlueBelle is right. And your aggressive attitude is not going to do you any favours with this.

If you don't want Santa to get the gratitude you're seeking, you can easily opt out by buying a small gift for him to put in the stocking, and giving your granddaughter more for her birthday, or at any other time of year.

How easy would it have been for your son to tell you that they want to make their own traditions for Christmas? I don't want to be unkind, but looking at your posts here, I suspect he will have realised that he would have a fight on his hands, so chose to say nothing - perhaps out of respect for the situation with your husband.

Your son is a different person now OP - a father.

BlueBelle

Whoops posted too soon sorry
Then, one by one, the toddler’s stocking gifts appeared with no connection to me and my generosity that sounds pretty petty don’t you want her to believe in Santa at least for a few years obviously her parents do, so you will be wise to go along with it .
After dinner we opened presents, and I asked my son to open his, and his daughter’s stocking so obviously left the daughter in law out ohhh you are stocking up trouble here
I m truly sorry about your husband and hope that s the reason you were overreacting but I don’t really think this bodes well for you Your son is no longer your child he’s a fully grown man and wants his child’s Christmas to be done his way not yours Be wise and do it their way next Christmas if you want a good time and a good relationship

After dinner we opened presents, and I asked my son to open his, and his daughter’s stocking so obviously left the daughter in law out ohhh you are stocking up trouble here

I think I've sussed this.

Son still believed in Santa and is devastated to find out it's his Mum who's been filling his Santa stocking for the past 30 or so years. That's why he's so upset. 😥

I don’t recognize my son anymore
Could I recommend Specsavers?

Spot on, MOnica and BlueBelle. I still can’t get past the reference to your ‘generosity’ OP. The joy is in the giving isn’t it? Seeing the recipient’s pleasure? If the parents say stockings are only from Santa, how hard is it to obey that simple rule? You really have made this all about you and how you want to do things. No more stockings for anyone, ok?

My grandson is 2. He doesn’t understand properly about Santa yet. He had a small sack from mum and dad (Santa) and presents from both sets of grandparents. He lives overseas. Does he know or understand the difference? Does he heck. We buy what my daughter and SIL suggest, it anrrives at their home, they wrap it and that way nobody gets upset.
My grandson doesn’t know or understand who his presents are from and so long as he has a happy day that is all that matters!

Also, wow! Telling me that I should admit I made a mistake, and apologize, when they’re the ones who turned on me for trying to do something nice. Give your heads a shake

But it is you that have made a big mistake and you still don't see it !
I hope it’s just temporary because you’re upset over your husbands health but somehow I don’t think it is,I can foresee trouble ahead
She needs the magic of Santa keeping for at least about 6 or more years not gratitude to her grandmother that ll hopefully come when she’s older
Do it the parents way maybe you feel you were blindsided this time (I d have asked before hand about the distribution and gone with what I was told) but you definitely know for next year

Forgive me if I’m seeming pedantic M0nica, I’m not meaning to be but I noticed in your last sentence that the letter ‘r’ was separated leaving the word as elationship. What a wonderful new word…I’m sure we could use it at times 😀

My plan, as it had been with my parents, was for stocking gifts to be from Santa and other presents were given and labelled from family and friends. However, my mother in law would fill a pillowcase with presents and say Santa had visited their house too. Not the way I liked it but I didn’t dare argue!

Parents decide on how their children receive presents at Christmas - and nobody else. Grandparents have no rights to determine anything about their grandchildren's up bringing whether on minor items like this or much larger ones.

So much family friction would be saved, if grandparents remembered this.

Your son wants is children to think that their Christmas stocking came from Santa. I suspect that this is the rule in the majority of households. Any presents from you should be wrapped up, labelled and added to the pile of other similar presnets to be unwrapped when your son and wife decide.

I do appreciate that this must have been a difficult and worrying time for you this Christmas, with your Dh so ill. I do hope he is now beginning a good recovery, and this may have made you more on edge and inclined to see insult where none was intended.

But at the end of the day, you expectations of what was going to happen over you GS's presents, was unreasonable and you persistently ignored everything your DS said to you and continued to try and impose on him and his child how you wanted presents should be given.

Just remember in future and happier times that every contact with your grandchild is with his parents consent and under any conditions they impose. In 99.9% of cases this happens without it even being discussed and everyone is happy. Now and again, however some grandparents try to assume rights they do not have and this was your mistake. Have a happier new year and wonderfulr elationship with yur son and grandson.

mclaysmith

Also, wow! Telling me that I should admit I made a mistake, and apologize, when they’re the ones who turned on me for trying to do something nice. Give your heads a shake!

Oh dear
You posted under AIBU

Yes YABU

Whoops posted too soon sorry
Then, one by one, the toddler’s stocking gifts appeared with no connection to me and my generosity that sounds pretty petty don’t you want her to believe in Santa at least for a few years obviously her parents do, so you will be wise to go along with it .
After dinner we opened presents, and I asked my son to open his, and his daughter’s stocking so obviously left the daughter in law out ohhh you are stocking up trouble here
I m truly sorry about your husband and hope that s the reason you were overreacting but I don’t really think this bodes well for you Your son is no longer your child he’s a fully grown man and wants his child’s Christmas to be done his way not yours Be wise and do it their way next Christmas if you want a good time and a good relationship

mclaysmith I ve read through your post twice to make sure I got it right
…..And first very sorry about your husband you must be very worried I hope he’s ok
You start off by saying they refused to have a meal at yours so already your back was up but they obviously wanted Christmas Eve at theirs and that’s their prerogative

Hmmmm!

Oh, this thread is taking a familiar turn.

🤔

mclaysmith, you are having a tough time , your DH is very ill and some people here are being rather harsh. Almost midnight, raise a glass of something and look forward to 2024, don't let what has happened damage your relationship with your son and DIL. I am thinking of you and hope your DH makes a good recovery - be kind to yourself and good luck for the future.

Also, wow! Telling me that I should admit I made a mistake, and apologize, when they’re the ones who turned on me for trying to do something nice. Give your heads a shake!

There's all sorts of things I'd like to do or buy for my grandchildren but if they don't fit with the parents plans I don't do it. I've had my children and although I dearly love the grandchildren, they are not my children. You have to accept this if you want a good, solid relationship with minimum friction. It applies to everything, toys, clothes food, days out, presents etc. Always ask before you do anything and do as requested. Its not always easy to do but it shows respect for the parents.

I've re-read the OP - do you mean you did a stocking for your son as well as your granddaughter?
Did you do one for your daughter-in-law too?

I wasn’t trying to take anything from them. I said I’d give a stocking at my house, and they didn’t argue. Come the time to give it, and they do a 180. Had I known it was a problem, I would have put the things in a bag. Some responders need to read the initial post. Also, she’s not 2, and isn’t aware of what’s what yet.

My GC always have a Christmas stocking from me and Grandpa. Their main present is given to my DD and SIL before the big day and of course that comes from Santa. They know their stockings come from us , that works well. Stockings are small gifts, felt tip pens , craft paper , chocolate coins, ball, book, etc. Main gift ( from Santa) is waiting at their home on Christmas morning. Their stockings from us are here for when they visit - they love Grandma and Grandpa's stockings!

I always had things to add to GC’s stockings whichever home we were in, and wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to usurp the parents - I had had my fun when they were children, and in any case blending the traditions of two families is quite enough without Granny wanting to take control. Sounds like over reacting when already under pressure.

I’m sorry but you’re out of line. You want to do stockings for your grandchild. But her parents don’t want you too. Your son and his wife ahve chosen that stockings are from
Santa. They may also decide that Santa only comes to their house. You’ll simply have to deal with this

My daughter or son in law collect all the presents Christmas Eve, and they are put with all the others from Father Christmas.
Between us we buy their gifts, we don’t have any gift tags on anything.

You give for the joy of giving, not to be acknowledged for being generous.

My husband is quadriplegic, and gets septic with infections that send him to ICU. Thanks, muffinthemoo. It was the underhanded way my son dealt with it. They could have said something on Monday, but I wasn’t told it couldn’t happen, so, yes, I was blindsided, and yes, my daughter was accused of lying, and threatening their relationship, so I call it an attack, as that’s how she felt.
Grandparents do stockings for their grandchildren. Mine is too young to understand the Santa only idea. At least, if Santa couldn’t do it at my house, then she could have known these things were from me. I’d given her main gift on Christmas Day, and, being new to grandparenthood, was excited about giving her a stocking, as I still do, or did, for my three adult kids.
“Only yourself to blame” It was how I was treated that was devastating. I was completely blindsided. And no, all had been fine with us, before they walked in the door.

I wonder if you are taking things personal, your husband is in ICU and you are obviously under a lot of pressure? How is he?