Christmas stocking has to be from Santa

I’m sorry you have found this so upsetting mclaysmith and like others, I think it’s understandable that you are feeling very emotional at the moment. I think we have to accept that our adult children will make their own traditions and we have to respect their wishes around this, including where presents come from and Christmas stockings. Our time is past, and we are no longer the ones who are centre stage in the little ones’ lives, which is as it should be.

When I first became a grandparent, I would have liked to do a stocking for my grandchild but my daughter made it clear that there would be only one stocking and this would happen in their home. What I did, with parents’ approval was buy a beautiful personalised stocking for each of them, including ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’ and these have pride of place every year, and are filled of course by Father Christmas. The children have no idea who bought these stockings, nor does it matter.

This idea may not be appropriate for you, but I think the important thing is to talk to your son and dil, acknowledge that you made a mistake and ask them what they would like from you in the future. I’m sure they will appreciate your consideration and this could help you to find your own routines for the years and grandchildren to come. Quite honestly, as I now have more grandchildren I’m glad I am not the one having to think of stocking fillers as well as main presents.

They don’t want her to know that a stocking doesn’t come from Santa

This.
She's not even two.

I'm sorry about your husband. You must be stressed because of this and everything seems overwhelming at the moment.

Put her presents in a bag next year, clearly labelled from you.

My MIL once did this when we visited her on Christmas day without warning. We had said everything came from Santa and kind people sent them to him. I was annoyed but kept quiet and DH said Oh he must have known you were coming to visit."
Could you next year suggest Santa will be leaving a stocking at your house for her?

I agree that your son could have been more transparent with you in advance about the need for a bag rather than a stocking, but as Dickens said, it really isn’t something to get upset about or to spoil the relationship.
I understand that your son and his wife have their own way of dealing with the Santa myth, and in the long run, you will be pleased that your granddaughter knows the gifts are from you as, when she is a bit older, she will say thank you to you.
I also understand that this family want to have Christmas in their own home, so to say they “ refused” to come to you is a bit harsh. So is the word “ attack” - it seems you are overwrought, understandably, with your husband in ICU. I hope he makes a good recovery, and that you are able to maintain good relationships with the young family.

My son- in- law called me Kofi Annan (.sp?) at Christmas as my role was to calm disputes ( over games) and be conciliatory, not controversial!

Firstly, sorry to hear about your husband mclaysmith, that must be hard to deal with and isn't exactly conducive to a 'merry' Christmas atmosphere. I hope you hear some positive news, it's probably playing on your mind.

So basically, your son and DIL want your grand daughter to believe that Christmas stockings come from Santa? And you want her to 'know' that one or two of the gifts are from you? Which is understandable.

I doubt the wee girl will hold it against you that there's no present from Grandma - she's too young and is probably overwhelmed with presents and the whole Christmas razzamatazz to even be aware of who and where they are from.

Parents have their own ideas these days - about everything - so you, for your own peace of mind, will just have to go with the flow. It doesn't make much sense to me I must admit - a child of two will quite happily believe that both Santa and anyone else can give them a Christmas stocking if you tell them that. Usually, the father is 'guided' by the mother in such matters, so I suspect your son is just going along with the whole ruse. I don't think the majority of men are as intense about parenting issues as much as women are. Although of course, some are... and maybe your son has developed his own way of deciding how 'things' should be.

I think you might have taken it all too much to heart - because you have other things on your mind. There's many more Christmases to come and eventually she will learn the truth about Santa, and you can give her gifts which she will know come from you. Try not to dwell on it, because it will just fester and further alienate you, and them. It's really just another of those issues that crop up between sons and daughters who've become parents and want to do things their way. Don't let is spoil your relationship with them.

Santa has a monopoly on stockings in our family. Everything in the stocking is from Santa. Your son had already asked you to add your gifts to theirs for the stocking.

Don’t let silly differences like this disrupt your relationships with your family. I’m sure your husbands illness made you a little more emotional than normal.

‘No connection to … my generosity’. That doesn’t come across well. It’s about the child, not you. You should have put the presents in a bag to give her when you saw her. A stocking has obvious connotations for a child doesn’t it?

Your son clearly knew beforehand that that was something he was going to do, and he absolutely should have told you, or told you why so that you could have put things in a bag, like you say.

You sound blindsided by this incident and how he behaved. Is this all out of the blue? Did you have any inkling this was going to happen? Has there been recent trouble or arguments before this incident?

Well it does (come from Santa) doesn’t it?
If you wanted to give your GD presents you should have done so from you.
Did you really want to destroy your GD’s illusions just for the sake of feeling good about it yourself?
I can appreciate why you are feeling extra sensitive and hope your DH makes a speedy recovery, but grandparents should not muscle in on a parent’s place.
So, you are entirely out of order here and while I am sorry you feel “devastated” you have only yourself to blame.