Christmas stocking has to be from Santa

Good news! My son has admitted that he behaved badly, and we have mended our relationship. While he has always had his own stocking, it is understood that it is also for his wife. I give them useful gifts, which they are happy to have. I didn’t want their daughter left out, so got her one of her own. I only act out of kindness.
Some of you are terribly judgmental, but lots are very supportive.
Next thread: table manners. Elbows, allowed, or prohibited?

well done sourdoughqueen, yes my sil was a minister, never married so sil and mil lived together, there was always a christmas day lunch at the church after morning service so we visited on boxing day, my husband was 18 years older than me so my mil was nearly 70 when my son came along and wanted to have a stocking for him, so we made up the story about santa. we told my son when he was little that santa brought some of the presents and mum and dad gave the other presents, when we went to see granny and auntie the stocking was from santa and the other presents from gran and auntie, my son was never a christmas person, we would get excited about him opening his presents, by the time he was 10 he asked us not to wake him up on christmas morning, he would get his present later, he is still not a christmas person, he always works on christmas day if he can.
i am sorry but i am not very good at using the shortened version of things like mil and dh etc. happy new year to everyone on gn.

Sourdoughqueen

RosiesMaw

We could not see granny on christmas day as my sil was a minister so she was busy and they stayed together, we went on boxing day and gran wanted a stocking, we explained it by saying santa got home and found some small things at the bottom of his sack so delivered them to granny's house as our stocking had been put away but all the other presents were from granny and auntie. we got away with this till he was five
Please, this is doing my head in
1) WHO "was a minister" and WHO was busy and why "couldn't you see granny" ?
2) "gran wanted a stocking " WHO and why did she want a stocking"
3) until WHO was 5?
4) where does auntie come into this?

I think I can answer this!

1. Sister in law was minister and son’s aunt. Mother in law is granny.
2. Granny (mil) wanted to give a stocking but because it was Boxing Day and Santa had already been they had to say Santa had left another at granny’s.
3. Her son believed it until he was five.
4. Aunty and Mil lived together or at least did Christmas together so aunty gave her presents to the family in Boxing Day too.

so aunty gave her presents to the family in Boxing Day
When Christmas boxes were given to the servants and to the poor

And that's why it's called Boxing Day! 😃

RosiesMaw

^We could not see granny on christmas day as my sil was a minister so she was busy and they stayed together, we went on boxing day and gran wanted a stocking, we explained it by saying santa got home and found some small things at the bottom of his sack so delivered them to granny's house as our stocking had been put away but all the other presents were from granny and auntie. we got away with this till he was five^
Please, this is doing my head in
1) WHO "was a minister" and WHO was busy and why "couldn't you see granny" ?
2) "gran wanted a stocking " WHO and why did she want a stocking"
3) until WHO was 5?
4) where does auntie come into this?

I think I can answer this!

1. Sister in law was minister and son’s aunt. Mother in law is granny.
2. Granny (mil) wanted to give a stocking but because it was Boxing Day and Santa had already been they had to say Santa had left another at granny’s.
3. Her son believed it until he was five.
4. Aunty and Mil lived together or at least did Christmas together so aunty gave her presents to the family in Boxing Day too.

We could not see granny on christmas day as my sil was a minister so she was busy and they stayed together, we went on boxing day and gran wanted a stocking, we explained it by saying santa got home and found some small things at the bottom of his sack so delivered them to granny's house as our stocking had been put away but all the other presents were from granny and auntie. we got away with this till he was five
Please, this is doing my head in
1) WHO "was a minister" and WHO was busy and why "couldn't you see granny" ?
2) "gran wanted a stocking " WHO and why did she want a stocking"
3) until WHO was 5?
4) where does auntie come into this?

Same here. I spend roughly the same on my son and his wife. In fact I may have spent slightly more on her this year if I tot it up - which I don’t. And I also give a few small presents ‘between them’. Also, for the first time I have the joy of a grandchild to buy for. I checked with the parents the things I was thinking of buying and put them in a bag so that they can take out something new to amuse her in the coming weeks and months. I handed her a couple of things. She’s only eight months old so hasn’t a clue who has given her what, but that’s not the point is it? The joy is in the giving and seeing the pleasure of the recipient - and in the case of a grandchild, knowing that your purchases have been approved by the parents rather than doing a flyer and ending up treading on someone else’s toes and causing upset.

Sorry for spelling errors .... I was up late last night!

March
Exactly right, I have some priceless memories (and videos) of my grandchildren’s joy in opening their gifts, who cares who bought what.

I am very sorry that your DH is so unwell and has ingoing health problems ... this must be so stressful.
It is a shame that your son did not make things entirely clear, but you will know for next year and I am sure things will go more smoothly for you all.
I hope that your DH will be ell soon and home again.
Good wishes for the new year.

On a lighter note, I was quite amused this year when my younger son realised that I spend as much on his partner as I do on him - he said ‘not only does S get the same as me but I’ve had fewer Christmases than (older brother and sister) so I’m still owed some . I think he was joking but anyway, I laughed it off and said ‘well she’s family now and you all get the same’. I can’t imagine how it could be any different now they’re all grown, but every family is different.

we could not see granny on christmas day as my sil was a minister so she was busy and they stayed together, we went on boxing day and gran wanted a stocking, we explained it by saying santa got home and found some small things at the bottom of his sack so delivered them to granny's house as our stocking had been put away but all the other presents were from granny and auntie. we got away with this till he was five and told me he knew santa was not real but i was not to worry as he would not tell gran incase she did not know. talk to your son and dil about it, this is a small and silly thing to get upset about, you are going to have another gc soon, so don't make it difficult to spend time with them at christmas, the parents decide the rules about there child. i hope you dh is well and hope soon.

The GC's parent you raised will advise you what to do. Our daughters certainly have no difficulty voicing their desires. Just listen and follow.

Juliet27

I hadn’t picked up on that Monica and that seemed to be a spacing problem, not down to you…but apart from that it created a great word 😀

I got it and I think elationship is a great word!

I hadn’t picked up on that Monica and that seemed to be a spacing problem, not down to you…but apart from that it created a great word 😀

Mistakes were made here, but from both sides. The stocking for Santa does not bother me as she did say she would have put it in the bag if she had known. I do feel it was wrong to give the son a stocking and not the DIL, but I can honestly say something like that would not bother my son and daughters partners.
I honestly feel the adults should be grown up here, the Mother with a quadriplegic sick husband in hospital deserves a bit of understanding.
I buy my son and Grandson their football shirts in August for Christmas but do not buy anything for the partners or spend the same amount. They honestly are not bothered. I think posters have been harsh here and their is wrong on both sides.

juliet27 I have written a number of times about the problems I have with both typing - and proof reading as the result of having dyspraxia.

I've never put my GCs' presents in a stocking and I always handed them over to them personally. Why did you give your gifts to your son to give to the little girl? You were there, you could have put them in a box or bag. Seems to me that you and your son share a stubborn streak! My DGD had me, my son and DiL to brunch on Christmas morning, by which time, DGGD, 18 months, had been given her big presents and a stocking. We were able to give her our gifts one by one, individually, and she had a fine time organising them.
Having said all that: I do hope that your husband is making good progress. You must have been frantic with worry and didn't need conflict over such a trivial matter.

I’m very sorry that your DH is in hospital. I hope he recovers soon and is back home with you.

Next Christmas will be a much better one as you’ll have two gorgeous DGC to buy presents for. Just let the parents do the stockings and be guided by your son on how they like to do things. Life’s too short…….Happy New Year 🌹

As the OP has not denied it, I think she gave her son a stocking but not her daughter in law. Bad manners and guaranteed to alienate the daughter in law (and probably the son).

Does it really matter? I plan for Christmas all year, I buy through the year, budget, save, wrap, then faff with Elves for the whole of December, sort Christmas eve boxes etc
I get zero thanks, Santa and Buddy the elf get it all, their faces lighting up and the magic they feel is what it's all about, It's about them not us.

And did you do your son, GD a stocking and leave your DIL out?

I think this could have all been avoided if the OP son had told her when they had the discussion that the stocking was from Santa. OP could then have put the gifts in a bag.

I think the son and DIL could have been more understanding given the situation with the husband/Dad.

I do get fed up with people expecting Grandparents to be perfect, I never got it right all the time but my adult children did not behave like some on here.

I feel the son and DIL was petty here, and they not only caused upset for the Mother but the sister as well. I think it was just bad communication and the son is as responsible. He could have been more understanding given the stress his Mother is under.

So sorry about your husband, it must be a huge worry for you.
But when they are little it doesn’t matter who buys what, it makes no difference at all to the child, our older grandchildren obviously know what we buy them, but for the little ones it’s all from Father Christmas.
I buy them presents because I love them and I want them to be happy, not because I expect their thanks, plenty of time for that when they’re older.

I think someone already asked this, so apologies if I have missed the answer, but did you actually give both your son and GD stockings, but not give one to your dil?
If so, I think your dil will be upset about far more than you realize, because even assuming that you gave her a very nice gift, she would still almost certainly feel sidelined by being left out of your stocking-giving.

I feel sorry that your husband is in ICU and that your son has deprived you of a large part of your enjoyment of this Xmas. You are having a tough time and preparing for grandchild’s gifts must have given you pleasure. If you want the pleasure of giving/connecting next Christmas I”m afraid you will have to fit in with son’s family. Every family has their own traditions and it’s good that you have a daughter to follow yours.

I think the responses have actually been kindly given, but the OP doesn’t want to listen. I’m afraid you have already upset your dil mclaysmith, (‘DIL seemed unfriendly’). Perhaps because you had ignored their wishes about the stocking? And because she was left out of the tradition, so not really feeling a part of the family? Your son is clearly supporting her, which is just as it should be.

You are the only one who stands to lose out here; you can hang on to your sense of grievance and injustice but it will get you nowhere, or you can accept that things have changed and you are no longer the centre of your adult children’s lives. As for grandchildren, you have no rights whatsoever.

I sincerely hope your husband’s condition will improve and you will have a happier 2024.