AIBU - Grandchildren

Yes, it would get to me too. I hate it when I send even a card and it isn’t acknowledged. I just can’t understand it can you?
I think though, grandchildren ‘have you over a barrel’ a bit don’t they. You may feel even more unhappy if you stop giving them the money. I think I would say to the parents….or to the GC ….did you get that ok, in the post? I worry it might not arrive ok….and by the way, an acknowledgement or thank you would be lovely. See what happens…

It was not grandchildren though - I'd forgotten that this was a "grandchildren" thread- it was the son (and wife) of a very close friend.

I'm afraid I do think wedding gifts should be acknowledged after recent experience.

I have no idea if the £200 in travel vouchers (all they wanted) which we gifted through a website a couple of years ago were even received.

My mother-in-law certainly does AreWeThereYet - she is 100.

I tend to text the older one (16) as he has a phone - and make sure to thank the smaller ones in person.

When they lived further away I always wrote. Small children like letters!

It is rude not to say thank you in some form. A simple text is enough. But then people are much ruder these days. You see it everywhere.

Yes totally agree. My mum has always been a frequent complainer that she hasn't had a "thank you" note but I don't think in 50 adult years I've ever had a thank you letter or text from her for my gifts. If she remembers she might say thank you while we're chatting on the phone. I buy because I want to, I don't expect thanks, which is not to say it isn't nice to hear that someone loved their gift.

In our family, depending on the relationship, gifts tend to end at 18yrs..you can tell your children that's what your going to do moving forward...you could cite the cost of living as the reason or you could be honest and say you feel quite hurt that there is no acknowledgement of the gifts from the children, that youre not expecting a gushing phone call or letter but a simple text saying thanks for the xmas/birthday money grandma and grandad would mean an awful lot...they will possibly get a bit huffy but you just smile, say you know they're all busy with their lives but good manners cost nothing after all...if they tell you you're old fashioned then agree with them...then leave it and don't speak about it again..

MamaB247

I don't get why everyone expects gratitude for gifts. Yes it's nice but it's a gift and that's about giving no expectations. I've always sent an elderly friend £50 shopping vouchers each Christmas and I never get a thank you, I don't care to be fair, because I know from experience she's a cantankerous old sod who doesn't thank anyone, but I also know when she gets that voucher the first thing she does is go to or local discount supermarket and stock up on a huge trolley full of cheap tinned food, these keep her in food almost all year. If you were to offer her food parcels she'd turn them down, she's too stubborn to ask for help just as she is too stubborn to say thanks. But she sees that voucher as a Christmas routine and I know she uses it so I'm happy. Why must everyone have a thank you. I can't recall children saying thanks to Santa all those years growing up. When it's Christmas or Birthdays people don't want to be sat down trying to message everyone a thanks. Ye sit would be nice and some do it. But that's not the idea of gifting. The idea of gifting is to expect nothing in return.

This is exactly what I would have written. To expect something back to me takes all the joy out of sending a gift and I find these endless, 'How rude, I'm not sending another gift,' so draining.
If you want to send something, send it- if you want to stop sending them because they're not acknowledged then stop sending them.

It isn't anything to do with manenrs but everything to do with petty mindedness- but that's just me.

They are always glad of the money and always say thanks (even if I don’t hear from them after that 😂).

AreWeThereYet

This comes up quite often and one question I never see asked or answered - do grandparents write thank you notes to their grandchildren, or phone them to thank them for presents?

Well, AreWeThereYet, I am a grandmother to four and step-grandmother to more and both OH and myself always acknowledge and send thanks for cards and gifts sent by our AC and DGC

I am extremely generous with my children and grandchildren - there won’t be much left when I go, but I’d rather them have it now, when they need it ..

This comes up quite often and one question I never see asked or answered - do grandparents write thank you notes to their grandchildren, or phone them to thank them for presents?

We have five children. I used to peep at presents before Christmas Day and make a list of what everyone had given to each child. I could then relax on Christmas Day knowing I had all the information needed to write thank you letters.

You have four options as far as I can see.

1 rebuke your grandchildren for their discourtesy
2 mention you are offended by their lack of gratitude to their parents
3 stop giving presents and tell them why
4 grin and bear it

I imagine you taught the parent of these children who was your child to say thank you for gifts, so I understand your resentment of the lack of gratitude shown.

It is, however, very common today, so I am not sure you can do anything to change it.

That's nothing, I gave one of my grandsons £200.00 wedding gift, no thank you. Baby came along twelve months later £100, no thank you. He is 30, this year I only sent a card for his birthday.

@Kim19. I give with my heart but my head certainly registers a thank you letter.

I guess it all boils down to whether you give with your head or your heart. I don't give a fig whether my GC thank me or not. I do know they are taught manners and that'll do for me even if they are sometimes 'forgetful' Love them and will continue to give irrespective of formalities.

I take the view that if they can’t be bothered to send a simple thank you, which is good manners, then I can’t be bothered to send anything.😉

I got a thank you message at Christmas from my second granddaughter, followed a short time after from the other three older ones. I know that she will have ordered them to send a message, and I’m not sure they would have otherwise!
The days of the thank you letter are long gone.

I came across this and searched for a thread to post it. It gave me a chuckle. ......................

one lady saying she sends her grandchildren a generous cheque every christmas and birthday but never hears from them
her friend replied that she does the same and always gets a phone call then gets a visit within a week, first lady says wow how come and she replied, 'I never sign the cheque'.

Unless they thank you as soon as it is received I expect they forget, I doubt very much that teens think about their grandparents at all , grandparents would be at the bottom of a very long list of what is important, friends, social media, games, school and homework are a few of the more important things to be thought about.

When I was younger I do not remember thinking about my grandparents at all, it would be when a parent said you should visit grandma I would think about them, usually a way of trying to get out of a visit as I would rather see friends.

Its just good manners to say 'thank you' - a quick text or phone call or even a thank you card - and it is how many of us were brought up. Its like some just expect the gifts without having to say thanks. Up to you of course whether you think you should stop giving. I personally would cut back or stop altogether.

Does seem to depend on how the mother was brought up as it seems to be mothers who instigate thank you notes or texts. DGD1, my DD’s child, has sent thank you notes since she could hold a crayon; DGD2 and DGS have not. Guess which ones will not get gifts post 18.

this is an issue for us too... but as it GC. I think I will add a note to the card with my phone number and mention thank you to AC. I admit to not always chasing up thank you letters with my children. DIL is very good and makes sure her children send letters or card.

welbeck - no, not wanting stand in GC! Have resigned myself to not having any of our own, so don't want borrowed ones! I bought presents for the neighbours children when they were born, and it just sort of continued. It would be nice to get a thank you from them, but I guess it's not the way for some families these days.
I do enjoy the thank yous from the other set of children ( who we've also bought for since they were born ), so will continue with them.
Thank you.