To say eldest GD needs to grow up?

Also, I now rarely see my eldest granddaughter and I can see the tension it is bringing to the family home when I visit which is at least three times a week. She barely comes out of the room and does not socialise with us all as a family. It feels very awkward and leaves everyone feeling like they are doing something wrong.

The reality is if she doesn't find a partner, she will be in the family home forever. If this is what she wants, to move out then that's what will need to happen. It's not harsh, it's a fact. At her age many of her peers are married with kids so it's not like she has someone who is in the same situation who would buy with her. Practically, Unless she meets a partner, her chances of homeownership are very slim.
Do I think she needs a partner to fit in with society and fit the norm. No. But she does if she wants to progress in life and she isn't going to be earning big money in her life so will need someone to help.

BlueBelle

I think this is a wind up no one could really think
Ike this

Ooh, you're really horrid!

I think this is a wind up no one could really think
Ike this

flappergirl

pascal30

Ladyleftfieldlover

Still reckon this is a spoof.

I agree.. who says 'ever so cruel'

pascal

"who says ever so cruel" did make me laugh.

And this:

Aibu to say she needs to grow up and if she can, really go out of her way to find a partner so she can have the same?

Which way would she have to go? Left, right, keep right on to the end of the road?

Does growing up mean finding a partner? 🤔

Still not sure how you, as a one step removed grandparent, feel so invested in all this? Have you not thought of saying nothing? If not, why?

pascal30

Ladyleftfieldlover

Still reckon this is a spoof.

I agree.. who says 'ever so cruel'

pascal

"who says ever so cruel" did make me laugh.

The OP seems to have disappeared, having told some of us we're very horrid.

Has she flounced?

So, your eldest GD has chronic health issues, out of choice does all the cooking, works and pays her way, in so doing subsidises her younger sister who makes no financial contribution, and in your opinion need to grow up?!

Can you not see, from your own description of your granddaughters, which of the two should grow up? And how insensitive to suggest that the answer lies in your eldest GD going out and finding a partner. I hope you haven’t actually said this to her?

No wonder she is distancing herself from the family who are using her sister’s situation to as good as tell her she’s a failure.

I do find it hard to believe this can be true.

Ladyleftfieldlover

Still reckon this is a spoof.

I agree.. who says 'ever so cruel'

yorkshirequeen you are ‘in your eyes’ getting ‘cruel answers’ because what you have written is so unbelievable how any grandmother can say the things you have said about your two granddaughters is actually quite unbelievable and if you can’t see that I m amazed !!
It’s your attitude to your elder grandaughter that is cruel not the answers on here and I m sorry if you don’t understand that

Do you really need advice on how to treat both granddaughters equally and how to be kind to the less advantaged one? You ask if you are being unreasonable to say the elder needs to grow up and go out of her way to find a partner to provide her with what the younger one has. I have no idea what you have in mind but is that what a loving grandmother would say? I don’t think so.

grannyactivist

If, for whatever reason, your eldest GD is feeling invisible perhaps you could find ways of assuring her that she is loved and valued? Maybe taking her out for a meal at the weekend so she doesn’t have to cook would be a thoughtful gesture.

I don’t treat all my children the same because they have very different needs and personalities, but I do do try to be responsive and show each of them that they’re equally loved. I suggest that’s what your eldest granddaughter needs right now.

Brilliant!

It's pathetic to say it's a spoof. I only wanted some advice on how to deal with this but everyone has taken it too far and been ever so cruel. I wish I had not posted.

Still reckon this is a spoof.

If, for whatever reason, your eldest GD is feeling invisible perhaps you could find ways of assuring her that she is loved and valued? Maybe taking her out for a meal at the weekend so she doesn’t have to cook would be a thoughtful gesture.

I don’t treat all my children the same because they have very different needs and personalities, but I do do try to be responsive and show each of them that they’re equally loved. I suggest that’s what your eldest granddaughter needs right now.

Let’s hope Prince Charming will appear and give the younger one something to be jealous of,

Cinderella all over again 😀

And getting her parents to continue letting her live with them free of charge, and her elder sister to cook her meals.

She hasn’t achieved anything apart from finding a boyfriend 🤣 hilarious

Norah

YorkshireQueen

Why on earth would it not be?
Are you saying we should just tiptoe around her and not celebrate a big achievement with other GD?

I'm a bit confused. Precisely what is YGD's big achievement?

Finding a gullible man?

YorkshireQueen

Why on earth would it not be?
Are you saying we should just tiptoe around her and not celebrate a big achievement with other GD?

I'm a bit confused. Precisely what is YGD's big achievement?

YorkshireQueen

Why on earth would it not be?
Are you saying we should just tiptoe around her and not celebrate a big achievement with other GD?

No, I don't think anyone is saying that. Just asking you to show the elder woman a little more consideration than you seem to think is necessary.

YorkshireQueen

Oh for goodness sake. Some of you are just being very horrid now.
My youngest GD has mental health issues and anxiety impacting on her ability to work full time. My eldest GD wouldn't earn nearly enough to move out alone in this area.
I think you are all being very cruel and judgemental.

If this is a genuine post I would ask you to consider that nobody is perfect and we all have our moments of envy, insecurity, anger and frustration. Sometimes these feelings are irrational and sometimes they are rooted in harsh reality but more often they are a mixture of both.

What your eldest GD needs is to feel loved and appreciated, not second best. Her illness must make her feel very low and the celebration of the youngest moving out will only accentuate this. Try to have a little understanding.

I don’t understand why anxiety and mental health issues would prevent anyone from working full time but allow them to work part time.

I don’t think any of us is being cruel and judgmental OP. Don’t you think you are being cruel and judgmental as regards your elder grandchild?