Children moving back in?

Tell them fine, but pay toward living and housing costs.

As long as you have an honest conversation and an adult relationship. They come home a different people from the ones that left. They are grown up. You need to treat them as such and they need to behave like they are adults!

Son will always have a home here…. DiL & 2 Grandsons moved in with us for a while (moving from married quarters Son moved into single quarters at work) due to starting a new school in a new area prior to them all moving into their new home 5 minutes drive away from us… rather than a 2 hour drive!!! Happy to have any of them at any time… Even the nearly 2 year old Labrador dog….

My son lived at home until he was 27 when we sold the family home but has moved back home several times since, when his relationship broke down and when he had a mental health crisis. Neither time has been for more than a few months as he is a fairly solitary person and likes his own space.
In return I stayed with him for a while months whilst my new flat was being modernised.
We live very close to each other (as does my youngest daughter) and none of us would like to live permanently together by choice, though if necessary I'm sure we could cope.
I think I'd be very tempted to charge him a decent rent keepingquiet, telling him that the money would be given back to put towards a deposit on his own place. If you don't do this he'll never have the money to move out as it's too easy to spend everything he earns.

I was quite happy that my daughter never moved back, and if she had, I wouldn't be subsidising her.

My daughters moved in with me as . needed. They both have their own places now. I downsized to help with their deposits.

It’s so much harder for young people now. I bought my first flat at 28 in London on nurses wages that’s a pipe dream today.
We were the fortunate generation. I would do anything for my daughters it should be granny duties soon. ❤️

Our two sons didn’t go to university so there was no boomeranging back. However they both lived with us until they were around 26/27. We insisted they contributed something towards food etc from the day they started work at the ages of 16 and 18 - they did their own cooking laundry etc.
For some unknown reason it seemed to irritate my outspoken next door neighbour who kept telling me they ought to have left as they’d reached the magic age of 18. My neighbour had got her own two sons into supported living by 18 as they were both autistic. In hindsight maybe she is on the spectrum too as she never did stop making sly digs about this.
Both my sons managed to save up the deposits to buy their own houses with their girlfriends straight from home.
At the time I loved having them living with us and was sad when they left but that was 15 years ago.

Pretty harsh I think. Contributing to billsis fine but paying towards enlarging a drive is a bit much???

biglouis

I would have cut my throat with a rusty saw rather than move back in with my parents once I left home. Fortunately it was never necessary.

If I had been of a mind to have children I would have kicked them out at 18 to stand on their own feet. Moving out of your parents home is an important step in becoming an adult.

Oh, me too!
But I was thrilled when my boys came backwards and forwards, never at the same time, but between rentals, between countries, jobs, relationships…. I loved having them grown up and individually.

All three of mine have moved out and moved back in at some point. Infact last September was the first time in 40 years I haven't had at least one of them at home. Youngest is currently at university, so comes home during the holidays.
I think it's important to set boundaries, on both parts, and keep to them. One of mine decided he wanted to prepare and cook his own meals - so the rules were he cleaned up after himself and unloaded the dishwasher.
They've done their own washing and ironing since they were about 12, and were always responsible for keeping their rooms clean (tidy was different matter - but that was done to them)
They paid 1/3 of their income towards household bills, and a proportion if the housekeeping if I was feeding them.
Don't be afraid to call them out if they break the boundaries and ensure they're aware of the consequences of persistent rule breaking, ie two verbal warnings, a written one, then you're out!
I've loved having my adult sons at home whenever they've needed it, and always emphasised that the door is always open and there's a bed for them whenever they need it.

Had a son turn up after break up of his marriage. Had lived happily by myself for years. Luckily had 2 x bedrooms but one he used was fitted as a place where I worked from home. Unluckily that was where my work phone was and computer equipment, so my life was disrupted in as much that I worried he would use works phone and annoyed that my computer wasn’t available for me when he was home in the evenings. And he was mainly home in evenings and using my computer.
Was delighted when he moved out to live with a new girlfriend.
Daft I know, but I just didn’t think of charging him rent.

My daughter and her partner moved with “for a few months” which actually became three and a half years. They eventually found a house to buy and my reward was seeing the delight on her face as she showed around her new home. She’s very settled and I miss them both. I just wish she would ring me more for a natter.

I had my son vack twice after being made redundant twice and couldn’t afford his rent . He stayed 6 months first time and a year seccond time . He only had some money which I took half of for keep….but in reality I put into an account for him until he moved out ! It paid his ‘key money’ when he did leave. He’s always been an easy going lad ….and we didn’t mind his coming home …where else should your child go when in trouble !? He was in his 20’s….since he’s become more stable in employment he has not need our help. But it’s always there if needed .

Children don't return home without a good reason usually,Should our home be a welcoming place of love in hard times?Who knows i may have to ask to stay with them at some point!

That’s so funny Witzend, it reminded me of the day I came home after work at 18 to be told by mum and dad that my rent was going up to £15 a month from 10 and I was mortified!
Our own son was still struggling to afford to move out in spite of a good job and saving hard so we helped him with a deposit for a little flat. He was there about a year and suddenly out of the blue decided to go backpacking round the world for a year and rent out the flat.
I spent the whole year worrying he’d meet a lovely Australian girl and never come back.
Anyway, he survived that but was doing so well renting his own flat, he moved back in with us! We had just moved out of London to a little bungalow on the south coast which needed total renovation. So he helped us with all the building, decorating work, learning skills from DH who is a joiner/builder ,got another job and eventually met his now future wife, sold his own flat and bought a little house with her, using the skills he learnt from his dad to renovate his own place.
Unfortunately he still uses our loft and garage to store his excess stuff! But as long as our children are happy and have a roof over their heads either in their own place or with us then surely that is the most important thing.

I had my 17 year old DGS at mine for 6 months, no problems. I had my 15 year old DGD at mine for 12 months, nightmare.

My youngest came home after he broke down from a nutcase. He stayed about 2yrs until he went up country for work for his boss for 3 months but that was 6yrs ago he now as a 5yr son and he’s getting married in July it should have been few years ago but we weren’t allowed out lol for covid so it was cancelled then. My oldest also came home after break down from his first wife cheated on him when he was serving in Iraq he was only there on weekends until he bought his own house but since then he met his 2nd wife of 8yrs.

biglouis

I would have cut my throat with a rusty saw rather than move back in with my parents once I left home. Fortunately it was never necessary.

If I had been of a mind to have children I would have kicked them out at 18 to stand on their own feet. Moving out of your parents home is an important step in becoming an adult.

.Parents don’t (usually) eject their children when they become 18. Many are still studying it in low paid work. Quite a sad attitude to have.

Sadly you never know what life throws at you or your children or even grandchildren.
I had to return to UK with 1/3 children many moons ago. It was sad for all. My mum put us up until I found a job, flat to rent.
Then eventually a flat to buy.
Mum is no longer with us. All 3 daughters are married with their own children. I am alone.
All know if anything happened they have a room or even floor space.
You never know what life throws at you. And you only have one life.

M0nica

I think there is a big difference between a port in a storm for our children. Somewhere they can come and rest and recuperate when the ship has been ship wrecked.

It is slightly difference when they just assume that your home and there home and they expect to be treated as if they were still children with free board and keep, house cleaning and laundry services and meals on request.

When my AC were at home I worked on the same basis as my parents did. If you are working then you pay towards your keep, even if the amount is nominal. My first job was a holiday job, I earned £6.50 a week - £1,50 for fares, and 50p for my keep.

My first summerholiday job on a supermarket checkout when I was 18, earned me £8 a week, and I had to give £3 of that to my mother.

Only a year or two later, after I’d met dh, he told me he’d earn £20-25 a week on building sites during the holidays - and give his parents nothing!

It’s not as if they were well off - if anything they were more skint than mine. But in his family it just wasn’t expected, let alone demanded.

Th first summer I was 16, I was dying to get a holiday job, but had to stay at home to look after 2 rather younger siblings - my mother was working. She said she’d make it up to me financially, but there was never even a couple of ££. 🙁

I didn’t do badly out of babysitting though, for a youngish evidently very well-off couple who went out a lot - the husband used to drive me home in his E-Type!

My youngest child my son was the last to finally leave twice he lived with me when he had a girlfriend. First time he was 21 and they lived with me for eighteen months, I was always out and about and did not mind we all got on well. When they split up he went to a shared house with two friends. A few years later he had another girlfriend and they moved in I told them it was temporary but they were with me for one year, then they went to her mothers but they eventually split up. Later he met his partner who has her own place and they have a child and all is good. I am happy to live alone and have the two little dogs that keep me company. I am starting to renovate a bedroom and get it looking nice so my grandson can sleep over, he is two and a half and loves the dogs and when he visits he always wants to stay it goes full circle really it goes from your own children and then to grand-children.

My youngest son and his girlfriend have lived with me for years ( they both work and pay lodge)
They were in one room upstairs for about four years, and I decided to move my bedroom down into my dining room. So now they have a bedroom and a sitting room upstairs,works fine for all of us, sharing the kitchen and bathroom.
They are trying to save, but there’s no way they could possibly afford to rent a place in this area..

Witzend

biglouis

I would have cut my throat with a rusty saw rather than move back in with my parents once I left home. Fortunately it was never necessary.

If I had been of a mind to have children I would have kicked them out at 18 to stand on their own feet. Moving out of your parents home is an important step in becoming an adult.

Probably just as well you never had any, then.;

They may have left before 18!

This thread has made me quite nostalgic. My three all moved back at one time or another and my eldest GC had a bedroom in my old house. They brought so much back with them. They cooked different food, introducing me to all sorts of things I hadn't eaten or drunk before. They taught me to play computer games. Now they are settled and I have downsized.
If you have your children with you and it's all getting a bit much just remember this will pass and one day you will look back fondly and sort of miss them. (although sole possession of the TV remote is sometimes a comfort)

biglouis I am so glad you didn't have children. What an unloving attitude you have. What is wrong with a bit of helpful compassion and support?

Ours are happily settled with partners but are always welcome for visits and we would have any of them longer term if necessary. I love them being around, we all get on well and are happy to help. DSs partner sometimes has work nearby, she stays here for two or three nights and is the best company.

A friend of mine says that having her daughter and little grandchild move in is the best thing to happen to her for years.