Family who don’t bother

I don’t think the OP is reading your replies. She has only posted once and that was her OP.

I don't know why you keep persisting when he obviously doesn't want to know. You are only humiliating yourself. I could understand if he was your only living relative but you seem to have other family around you. You said yourself that he doesn't care, so there's your answer.

Give up and enjoy your life without him in it.

Beebop79,
It’s sad when this happens & even worse when you have no idea of the reason . It is bad manners for your brother not to respond to even one message that you have sent .
You often find in families ,no matter how large or small that some members ( maybe one or maybe more ) will effectively cut themselves off .
It could be the GF/ Wife/Fiancé who has the say over this sadly .I know of instances where (the) DH stopped DD having all contact with her family which meant that GP could no longer see the GC they had been close to for 5/6 years & the next GC has never met them.
Another ,where the partner of a family member has more or less done the same , where bd cards would be exchanged that doesn’t even happy these days .
Do these come under cohesive & controlling behaviour, certainly the first does , the 2nd is more of a we are too good for the like of the rest of the family.
Very sad for both these families. I don’t think it’s a case of move on like others have said . Your Brother may at some point make contact of his own accord. Keep his phone number in your phone & continue to send the cards with a heartfelt note ❤️

Sadly not all family keep in touch...you've tried, you've told him how you feel...for your own peace of mind now let it go.. Send Xmas/birthday cards and leave it at that. Focus on family you do see..

A common problem I am afraid, same here with a cousin we were close to but after two divorces he has gone his own way. Let it go things might change but there is no point in you being stressed about it now.

A very similar post and plenty of advice given

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Honestly, I would be upset, but you’ve done your very best and if it was me I’d now concentrate on those family members, and friends, who actually care about me and want to share their lives with me.

Let it go

beebop79, the same happened in my family regarding my brother and sil.
After a year of no responses to come over to see our new house, I let it go. It hurt a lot at the time, but there was no point continually beating my head against a brick wall. I have to say, though, that my brother and I had never been close. He was three years older than me and had as little to do with me as he could even as a child. Mind you, that hurt me too at the time, but makes his distance as an adult more understandable..

That was nearly 30 years ago, but for the last couple of years we are back in touch, initiated by them.
As no 'words' were ever said about things at the time, it has been passed off now as 'losing contact'.
Things can change.

Families don't come with any guarantees of being a copy of The Waltons, if you can remember them. The saying 'You can choose your friends but not your family' is very true and even though there are blood and marriage ties it doesn't mean that family members will get along with everyone else just because of that. My eldest daughter and son-in-law estranged themselves from both their entire families many years ago. We tried hard to build bridges with her but those efforts were always met with silence or nasty letters. For your own wellbeing you have to come to a point where you stop flogging a dead horse and get on with life without them. Hard as it is, let it go. They clearly aren't interested.

I would never chase after a member of my family who has made it clear he/she wants nothing to do with us.

BlueBelle

Another in law problem there are so many
Are you a new poster Beebop ? if so welcome to the group

No it's not an "inlaw problem"! 🤔🙄

He is not into you

Let it go

You cannot force your brother to be part of your family if he doesn't want.
Just let it go you will make yourself ill worrying about this.
Get in with your life doing all the things you want to do.

Let it go. We used to have a great relationship with my brother, his partner and my nieces but then his partner went through some mental health issues and all contact stopped. I tried to reach out but it’s now been many years since we have seen them. I feel sad for my nieces and for my children but frankly if that’s how he wants things then we have to accept it. It’s been the same for other siblings too.

I remember reading some wise person saying - No answer is an answer .
I'm afraid that's how it is in your case .
You will have to move on from this as they obviously have . It's sad but I think nearly all of us have some experience of this in our lives . Stay strong.

You have done your best beebop79 time to stand back now, sad I know but your brother has made his feeling clear. I would continue with birthday and Christmas cards and leave it at that.

Family members move on and I guess that’s the trouble nowadays - there are so many roads to take. In the past communities were close but now there are too many distractions which change our views and personalities and needs and the distances grow.

My husband’s brother doesn’t contact us from one year to the next. No contact whatsoever. If we email he might or might not send a one line answer. Upsetting but you move on and concentrate on your immediate family. Life’s too short to worry about people who just don’t want/ need family contact. Their loss.

Ps You sound quite young, have you asked on Mumsnet for their take on this? They may have more suggestions.

This is very sad, beebop79
It's disheartening if you feel you are always the one to make an effort only to be rebuffed.

It sounds as if it's only your brother and his fiancée who are like this, are they the same with all your side of the family?

I think it's time to stop trying, sadly.

I agree with other posters. Some family members can just cut you off for no apparent reason. My DH,s brother died two years ago. We live a distance away. We did visit them fairly regularly over the years and all was well.However since she has been on her own there has been no contact from her .Taking into consideration she will be grieving my DH has phoned her a few times but the conversation has been stilted to say the least. No Christmas card from her either. Her daughter lives very close to her so perhaps she is all the support she needs.

This happens in most families. there is a relation, sometimes, close, like your brother, sometimes a bit more distance, who quite simply casts off, and gets on with their life with no interest in any relations. not estrangement, just simply lack of interest

There are individuals who do not feel that "family life" or activities outside their own immediate circle do not serve them in any way. Trying to "guilt" the person into doing family stuff is only going to make them more resentful and dig their heels in harder. I speak from experience.

I’m sure I’ve read this scenario before. Have you previously posted about this bebop79?

You cannot make somebody want to spend time with you or make them like you. You cannot choose who you are related to.

Another in law problem there are so many
Are you a new poster Beebop ? if so welcome to the group