Anger management!!! Help needed.

Counselling only works if you connect and are willing to quietly search your reasons for actions, so no wonder it didn’t work
Sounds like you could do with a good old fashioned punch bag!

But getting angry all the time isn’t good for you so you need a release and only you know what you enjoy doing that can take your mind of things and find a place where your energy can go.

I m a calmer personality and probably would be more likely to release my anger with tears or find a way to blame myself which is just as destructive

and other events

keepingquiet, I once really lost it about a year ago and that was pretty scary, as I threw a glass at the wall (it still bears the scars) after a really thoughtless remark by my OH. I do find myself becoming more intolerant as I get older, and I have always been quite a laid-back person.

One of the techniques I have used when I feel overwhelmed by things/people is to take myself out of the situation, find an out of the way place and do a "silent scream" in my head. Even if it is just the bottom of the garden, outside a restaurant, in the loo, wherever I can get to quickly. I also shake my hands vigorously as though shaking off water, and find that dissipates the feelings of anger.

I think your recent circumstances with surgery and may have all added together to cause you extreme stress and send my very best to you and a hug through the ether...

Good luck

Yes, I am missing my morning walks which I've stopped due to the awful weather and the fields being waterlogged so yes, Aveline you may be on to something here.

I did see my GP before Christmas when I was very depressed and although he didn't precribe me anything and I had accessed services before which didn't help at all, he did tell me to go back if I felt I needed to.

I have a feeling he would just ask me to self-refer to IAPT again, as I am no longer depressed, just intolerant of annoying people!

Pascal I have done with counselling which has never helped and do practise meditation and mindfulness and really could do with a good massage after recent surgery so I think I am starting to see a way through this now so thanks for all your messages.

When I was working. Stress certainly built up. One thing after another.

I used to go for a mile walk round the block every evening without fail when I was walking. Somehow that helped. Not that I've ever lost my temper. When I'm really angry I can't speak. Just as well as I'd be bound to say something unforgivable.

For goodness sake, visit your doctor and don't self-diagnose via the internet.
Something is causing this excessive anger and best to start with a proper medical investigation first, to eliminate possible causes.

I do find walking is helpful (strolling in my case)

Well you've said it yourself, you're under a lots of stress at the moment.. so stress management may be more appropriate.. I would suggest you talk to your GP and see if you can get some counselling and maybe some medication to calm you whilst you deal with whatever issues are causing this..

I also agree with meditation/yoga/mindfulness/massage

I'm not on medication, eat a healthy diet and I'm pretty sure it isn't hormonal.

Thankyou Aggie for seeming to understand- I think the cold cloth thing could work and just to make it clear I didn't actually tell anyone to leave my house, I think they sensed it wasn't a good time and left anyway but it hasn't fully resolved why I get wound up so easily.

Delila- yes I am under a lot of stress just now so maybe my fuse is just a little shorter than normal. I'm sure other people find me annoying in the same way- we can all be insensitive at times but I hate it when people are like that with me!

Could you go for a brisk walk, to get rid of pent up feelings? There is a breathing exercise, which might help ,
Place 3 fingers firmly on your pulse of your left wrist.
Breathe in for a count of 7, hold for 7, breathe out for 7, slows your heart rate. Perhaps it is something you can work on .

Have you ever done yoga or tai chi? The breathing and focus helps manage feelings generally.
I don’t get angry often, i suspect we are who we are but - after my husband died I was so sad. A friend recommended meditation at our local Buddhist centre. I went with her, reluctantly but found after a few weeks I was looking forward to it and practicing the breathing and letting go
Not for everyone but better than feeling you’re losing control x hope you find something

I think it would be a good idea to have your hormones levels tested

As someone with a thyroid condition, it is amazing how much hormones can impact your brain.

On a couple of occasions when I was very much younger and could get very upset, I would take out my anger or frustrations with a cushion and bash the hell out of the sofa. It's quite difficult actually and seemed a futile thing to do. So I'd give up and let the anger fade away.

I think you did well to hold it together till everyone had gone . I have a very overbearing relative who gets everything I say wrong . I see something as white she insists it’s black ,
I ignore or even agree with her 9 times out of 10 , but by that time it’s as if someone has lit a match !!
I walk away , even in my own house , maybe retreat to the bathroom and put a cold facecloth on my forehead ,a couple of dead breaths and I carry on as if nothing has happened

It's also possible your diet may be involved. They are finding huge red flags when it comes to highly processed foods so check the ingredients are natural. Also, we are all more tolerant of certain foods than others, but do not get a food intolerance test done privately because they will apparently all say something different.

I don't think I'll bother my GP about it. I have never hit anyone or injured an animal in my life but I do go off on rants and get very annoyed by other people very easily, especially people close to me whereas I am a very patient driver and don't understand why people get road rage.
Problem is it happens so suddenly and I don't like feeling this way.
Maybe I'll just look for on-line help and try some strategies- I am calmer now but things are simmering just below the surface.
It isn't anything to do with the menopause either- I didn't really have any hormone problems associated with being bad tempered.
I'm pretty sure it isn't my thyroid either- maybe it's just me and I'd be better off on a desert island...other people wind me up so bad.

I wouldn’t mind betting you’d never actually say anything like that to anyone, keepingquiet, much as you fantasise about doing so. Sometimes it’s quite cathartic, and harmless, to think those aggressive thoughts, and to let rip at inanimate objects, especially when you’re overloaded emotionally, too many demands, etc., and then, of course, along comes someone you really can’t be rude to.

Have you had a change of medication recently?

Well done for sharing. I'd rule out any physical cause before investigating anger management - go to your GP conditions like overactive thyroid, hormone imbalances can cause extreme mood swings irritability and anger. Good luck.

Perhaps asking your GP to recommend an anger management course might be a good idea.
I'm not sure if you'd have to pay but it does sound as if you need some professional help, it's probably not something you can cope with on your own.

I know people of a certain age can get anger issues just as they did when they were having their periods. I know I did, my late husband kept a low profile just before I started my period as I was prone to throw things. Luckily when I started the menopause I never, ever had a single symptom of the menopause, I sailed through it. Now, my sons partner is going through the menopause, she is in her 50's and because she is in a business that needs her to be calm and collected she lets rip when she gets home. I have no idea of your age, perhaps it would be best to speak to your GP and see what can be done for you. A lot of this is down to medical problems than can be resolved.

Good grief. I’m afraid, being a very laid back person, I don’t know what to suggest other than taking an anger management course. If you tell your GP about the problem something might be available on the NHS, if not it would be available privately. It sounds as though you definitely need help, or you might become violent towards a person or animal rather than your kitchen cupboards.