I'm far too sensitive

Curlywhirly

Bit harsh there petra - or is that me being oversensitive!

Or is it Petra showing a lack of empathy?

OldFrill

An empath would be concerned about the person sending the text, perhaps reading too much into what is written and over worrying about the sender's feelings, situation etc.
Wrongly taking offence and assuming imagined criticism is quite the opposite of empathy.
I agree with Petra.

I now wish I hadn't used messsges as an example as I can see in a lot of replies this has been misconstrued.

M0nica

Dare I ask, are you really an empath - or are you someone who sees off tones and push offs in the most innocent remark?

I had an uncle who could see negative remarks and put downs in the most innocent of remarks. It made conversation very difficult.

I have also, myself, assumed someone was saying something upsetting to me,when, when I went back over the message later realised I had got it completely wrong.

I do wonder how far someone like the OP is an empath, and how much someone who suffers from lack of self-esteem and sees put downs and negative attitudes in what other people do or say, or messages, because that is what their lack of self esteem leads them to expect. Were they to assume that there is no reason why anyone should put them down, therefore any supposedly off message is the result of them choosing to interpete the message that way, life would be much better and yhey would discover thta they were not as empathetic as they think.

I understand your thoughts. I gave messages purely as an example. When a good friend or a member of family is upset or ill I will take this on board like my own problem and go out if my way to help and comfort them in whatever way I can. I've researched the traits of an empath and I tick every box. Interestingly when I'm speaking to people even strangers face to face I do pick up on how they are feeling very easily but in this type of situation I feel better as I can usually help as inevitably they will tell me the problem. It's more difficult with strangers as I pick up their feelings but often can't help but a lot of the time I find even strangers share their problems. I could go on but this is enough for this reply.

I do sympathise, Skylight18… I am a ‘worrier’ and can agonise about things totally unnecessarily. As MOnica has pointed out, it is very easy to misinterpret a message on first reading - I have done this many a time, and on re-reading the message, realised I had read things in a way which wasn’t intended…

Having perspective on situations and people is a skill I have to keep practising. Writing things down helps… then rip up the evidence! Take care.

MissInterpreted - whilst I can obviously understand the term "Empath" I think I've only heard it used in sci-fi movies to label a type of cyborg or robot type! One who can read the mind of others I think?

And she was not bothered by the 5 things they were really thinking.

A person I know, I once asked her what she thought others thought negatively about her.
She reeled off 5 things.
In reality, it was 5 different things, not the ones she was thinking of.

If anyone can relate or help me to stop worrying so much about how others are feeling

I find or think that often, that can be pure guess.
Or even not true at all.

Not everyone is retired and has plenty of free time so ideal and lovely as coffee and cake would be, many of our adult children wouldn’t be up for it off the cuff. Fitting stuff into busy lives isn’t impossible of course, just not automatic if something seems off on a particular day.

Petra, you sound like a very assured, matter of fact person. Not everyone is and that doesn't make them any less adult or more self pitying than you.

The ability to reflect on the fact that nobody is interested in what you have to say or that their being a 'bit snippy' might be down to your behaviour is something people with empathy would consider a reasonable way to behave.

zakouma66

As a child growing up in a frightening household, I developed antennae that could pick up every nuance. I also believed everything was my fault and it was up to me to put it right.

Your comment applies to me too. I could have written those exact words about my childhood and its affects on my life.

zakouma66

As a child growing up in a frightening household, I developed antennae that could pick up every nuance. I also believed everything was my fault and it was up to me to put it right.

Same!

Messaging is OK for " See you at 8 o'clock"

Not great for being thoughtful or kind.

Pehaps OP your family members are short of time and just fire something off quickly?

An empath would be concerned about the person sending the text, perhaps reading too much into what is written and over worrying about the sender's feelings, situation etc.
Wrongly taking offence and assuming imagined criticism is quite the opposite of empathy.
I agree with Petra.

Curlywhirly

Bit harsh there petra - or is that me being oversensitive!

Not at all. If I receive a message from friends or family that’s a bit snippy my first thought is oh, something not right in their world
I would often rely is everything ok
If someone doesn’t reply to a comment of mine I’m adult enough to understand that they’re just not interested.
I don’t go into oh, poor me nobody’s interested in what I have to say

Coronation

I think being an empath makes you a wonderful, caring, and great to be around. You make the world a better place.

As for messages, the problem is that body language makes up the vast majority of communication and you don't see that in messages. Often messages are written in a hurry too.

I think it's very easy to have misunderstandings by messages, look at these forums I think it happens here.

I think messages should be to arrange things and not for conversation. You can't beat a coffee and chat.

Empath is one of those buzz words going around on social media. Don't be defined by hw you respond to such things.
Empathy requires exposure to real-life situations.
Social media isn't real- it is an illusion we create to help our navigation through this life, Sometimes it helps a lot, sometimes it hurts us.

You can use it, or be used by it.

Apart from that I agree with the above post and especially the last part.

Nothing meets a face to face chat or even a telphone call where you can hear the emotions in someone's voice.

As a child growing up in a frightening household, I developed antennae that could pick up every nuance. I also believed everything was my fault and it was up to me to put it right.

That's me on WhatsApp etc, short and to the point. In fact I sometimes have to bulk out my messages a bit so they don't sound abrupt. That doesn't mean I don't care or sympathise with others.

Monica, I know you have mentioned you have adhd. Have you seen this?

www.webmd.com/add-adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria

Op I don’t think reading too much into texts I’d at all unusual but if you are finding this is causing you too much negativity, just reduce how much you text and call people instead x

I avoid the negative stuff on social media. You don’t need it, it’s not helpful, forget it! Really. Concentrate on face to face where you can see expressions and know what is really meant.

Bit harsh there petra - or is that me being oversensitive!

Marydoll

*Monica*, your post resonated with me.

I often read into things which are not there and I do pick up on people's moods, assuming I must be the cause.

People are busy and tend to post short messages on social media, because they don't have time to linger. It is easy to think the messenger is being abrupt.

I completely agree. One of my dearest friends can be extremely abrupt on WhatsApp, very to the point, we often laugh about it!

Marydoll

*Monica*, your post resonated with me.

I often read into things which are not there and I do pick up on people's moods, assuming I must be the cause.

People are busy and tend to post short messages on social media, because they don't have time to linger. It is easy to think the messenger is being abrupt.

This is so true. Many people rattle off a quick response on social media, which may come across as abrupt or maybe even rather rude when seen in black and white, even if it wasn't meant that way.
I'm surprised people haven't heard of the term 'empath' before though. It's not uncommon.

I think one of the issues with the written word, rather than the spoken word, however it’s done, social media, email, letters, is that sometimes the we read it isn’t the way the person writing it intended it to come across.

Just take a deep breath and reread everything before you respond and try not to stress

Your post doesn’t sound like an empathy to me. It shouts out me me
An empath has the ability to understand another person from their point of view.
If you felt that a WhatsApp message was off does it not cross your mind that someone is not happy.
If someone feels that your comments aren’t important that’s their prerogative.