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AIBU

No manners. No more gifts.

(97 Posts)
JackK Wed 10-Apr-24 14:03:32

Is it me, or have good manners disappeared?
A neighbour fed my cat while I was away this weekend, and I (as always) thanked her on WhatsApp, then left her a thank you gift on her doorstep this morning as she was out.
I WhatsApped her to tell her I'd left it (and thanked her again), her reply was "I was out shopping. Lol".
That was 4 hours ago. She's home, but no acknowledgement of the gift (or of the bag of nearly new clothes I left her for her drop in centre).
Am I being unreasonable by thinking I won't bother with a thank you gift again? I can't decide whether I'm being unreasonable or not!

Damdee Fri 12-Apr-24 11:36:23

I was surprised to read this post. I am everlastingly grateful to my neighbour for feeding my very old cat and my other pets, and treating them kindly, when I am away, and I always give her a gift, but I wouldn't care if she said thank you or not (though she does) because it is so kind of her to feed my pets - which as someone else said enables them to stay in their own home.

sarahcyn Fri 12-Apr-24 11:31:16

JackK

I've just had a thank you 😊

Aw, there you go. Your cat is safe! Who knows, maybe she was off doing more good deeds!

Beckett Fri 12-Apr-24 11:28:17

My neighbours always give me gifts as a thank you for looking after their pet while they are away - despite my telling them it isn't necessary. However, they always give me the gifts in person. Why would you leave a gift outside their house? Perhaps next time, drop in to see your neighbour and hand her the gift at which time I have no doubt she will thank you!

Skylight18 Fri 12-Apr-24 09:19:59

JackK

I've just had a thank you 😊

And rightly so 😊

NotSpaghetti Fri 12-Apr-24 09:06:03

Curtaintwitcher

I hope the gift wasn't stolen while she was out shopping!

Ha ha! I initially wonderd if it had been.

tickingbird Fri 12-Apr-24 08:59:40

She should have thanked you but I’m a bit hot on manners - lack of them infuriates me. However, she was good enough to see to your cat so I’d let it go. She probably just didn’t think.

Mizuna Fri 12-Apr-24 08:48:33

I discovered that people have different ways to say thank you. I used to feed a neighbour's dog when she was away overnight and she didn't acknowledge it until she included me in her family get-together near Christmas, which I took as a thank you, as we had no other contact.

Curtaintwitcher Fri 12-Apr-24 06:55:05

I hope the gift wasn't stolen while she was out shopping!

Aveline Thu 11-Apr-24 20:04:34

If you didn't acknowledge the trouble your neighbour has been to for your cats she's not likely to want to help again. It's only polite to give a little something.

Patsy70 Thu 11-Apr-24 18:44:37

I feed my neighbour’s cats, she says ‘thank you’ and buys me a gift, I say ‘thank you’. Normal behaviour. However, I wouldn’t not buy a gift if she failed to say thank you for the gift, having fed my cats. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ladyleftfieldlover Thu 11-Apr-24 18:24:14

Teacups and storms come to mind! ☕️🌫️

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 11-Apr-24 18:14:21

Does she not merit a birthday card? I don’t have siblings but as regards those relatives and friends to whom I send a birthday card - if they just sent me a text I would consider them cheapskates.

Harris27 Thu 11-Apr-24 18:07:15

I sent my sis a happy birthday text no reply and I’m used to it! But it irks me!

Judy54 Thu 11-Apr-24 18:05:21

Perhaps she was out for the whole day. It seems a little unreasonable to expect someone to get back to you within 4 hours. Presumably she has a life outside of feeding your cat. No I would not expect someone to thank me for my thank you gift.

maddyone Thu 11-Apr-24 18:01:27

You must continue with the gifts if she feeds your cat again. We did this for several years when we went away because our neighbours were so kind and always fed our cats. We really appreciated it because it meant the cats could stay in their own home rather than be uprooted into a cattery. We always thanked them and brought a gift back from our holiday for them. The neighbours said they enjoyed doing it as they no longer had cats. It worked for us, the neighbours, and the cats.

OldFrill Thu 11-Apr-24 17:56:42

I know it's your not you're 🙄

OldFrill Thu 11-Apr-24 17:55:32

I'm glad you got you're thank you. After all that maybe you need a weekend away 😄

Theexwife Thu 11-Apr-24 13:25:10

Now you must send a card thanking her for the thank you she gave you for the thank you gift.

Yes, you were being unreasonable, she was out so it was polite of her to wait so that she could thank you for the gift when she had actually received it.

GrannyIvy Thu 11-Apr-24 13:14:59

I’m pleased you now have a thank you. I was brought up to always say thank you it is good manners! I always give a close friends GC money in a card or small gift for their birthday but in 8 years never had a thank you from her daughter or the child. My friend thanks me tho apologising for her daughter🙈 why do I do still do it, because she does the same for my daughters children who incidentally always says thank you!! I do it for my lovely friend

sodapop Thu 11-Apr-24 12:38:51

Agreed NotSpaghetti where does it end. My husband sometimes looks after a neighbour's chickens for a week whilst he is away, no gift, not even a thank you.
M. Soda will continue to help though as he cares about the chickens.

NotSpaghetti Thu 11-Apr-24 09:44:43

Well now you have the "Thank you" that you wanted.

You asked:
Am I being unreasonable by thinking I won't bother with a thank you gift again?

Yes, very unreasonable!

harrigran Thu 11-Apr-24 09:23:18

You thanked her with a gift, end of.
My sister does this "thank you for the thank you card" and gets upset if she doesn't get an acknowledgement 🤨

Gummie Wed 10-Apr-24 18:06:27

sparkly1000

Presumably this is a close neighbour who was kind enough to care for your cat. A little gift is appropriate for their time and thoughtfulness . Only 4 hours later you seem peeved that you haven’t had an appreciative response.
Yes you are being very unreasonable.

Absolutely. Be grateful that you have someone that you can trust to look after you kitty while you are away. She did you a favour for free and you gave her a gift which was nice. I'm sure that next time she saw you in person she would have said thank you.
I hope she's not on here and that she doesn't see your post or you may be looking for a new cat sitter.

Aveline Wed 10-Apr-24 16:26:58

Obviously she's been out and busy. Or maybe she's on GN blush

OurKid1 Wed 10-Apr-24 16:26:44

Maybe she's busy or has other things on her mind. If you otherwise get on ok with her, then I'd let it go. Meanwhile, you should do what has been suggested - the right thing i.e. get her a gift, donate stuff, whatever.