Feeling mugged off but do I have the right to?

Therapy dogs can’t start training until they are fully mature, 18 months at the youngest. They will be assessed for temperament and may not be accepted. Have they thought this through?

Norah

HowNowBrownCow

To be fair to them they work extremely hard both are in senior leadership roles. After I said no, DS said that they only ask for help when necessary and said they try every other way before asking us. They say it is what it is, and that they have no alternative but then DS said that’s their problem.
I had my accident that caused the SCI when he was little and we shielded the kids from what was going on and kept everything as normal as possible for them so their understanding is little and they have always just respected that I am as I am without questioning why or what goes on with me.
I too would feel peeved if I thought that childcare was in place to be told next morning it’s all change so I do understand it from their perspective. In their naivety perhaps they thought as a family we will all enjoy having a puppy around because we used to have dogs as they were growing up.
We need better communication I think.

Did they find a childminder and a dog sitter 2-6 Sept?

I haven’t asked but my son has said that we must all draw a line under it and move on focussing more on quality time together. He says life is too short for ill feelings when I said I hoped there wasn’t any. I feel so much better now and we are communicating more. He has said that their thinking behind the puppy is to train it as a therapy dog to help the children and staff in school. That means the puppy will accompany them.

Your health comes first and who is looking after the puppy all day when they are at work? It’s cruel to leave a pup alone all day

I'm sorry that it's been so hard for you BrownCow, but, hopefully, it will be easier in the future to make your mutual expectations clearer.
As a retired teacher, I was a little sad to read a couple of posters negative views regarding the poor parenting of teachers.

Four hours is the longest a young puppy can be left - I read somewhere. But mostly there should be someone at home with a young puppy. Because it’s a baby animal!

I hope thing mend quickly OP after you’ve said no. You wouldn’t be able to keep safe yourselves, the young children and the puppy under the described circumstances.

Apology , I see now you are talking about your DS not a DD!

A whole week is far too long to impose on you. Odd that teachers are back a whole week before pupils. Also how can they look after a puppy when they are both at work? They seem somewhat irresponsible.

I really feel for you ! The last thing we want is to damage the relationship we have with our AC. Having said that we need to remember they know that and are capable of using it to their own advantage. I fully recognize the
predicament they find themselves in so hope they will plan ahead for next time . They want child care and puppy care - they must pay for that. A new puppy is a bad decision at this stage in their lives , bad for them and the puppy!! I sincerely hope your DD comes round - I feel sure she will. Keep reminding yourself that they really were expecting far too much.
It is hard for AC to acknowledge their solid and capable parents are not as young and strong as they used to be.
Explain this to your DD and remind her that you and your DH must protect one another and that you also
recognize your limitations.
Thinking about you , good luck 💐

Part of being hardworking, and probably the most challenging, is slotting it around other obligations.

Anyone can slide off to work and put in a hard days slog.
In fact, many people like to work to get away from the pressures of family life.

It isn't so easy when you have to organise multiple things, which is why a puppy is such a ridiculous, selfish, and probably cruel extra to add to the situation.

Lots of people work hard, and they also put in the work necessary to ensure their children are happy, looked after, and not being left to other people.

Who is going to have the puppy when they are all back at work and school.
The wrong time to get a puppy. They should have got one at the beginning of the school holidays.

Whethertomorrow

I think you both need to put your own health first and say no to this request/demand.

They must have known much earlier about the need for child care and should have arranged for alternative care.

I think you are being used and abused.

I agree.It’s always nice to be able to help out with the grands but ultimately the parents have to make arrangements for their own children.
It may be too late to say no this time but def tell them you just can’t manage it anymore for the future because of your health issues. You’ll have to say it at some point, so make it happen soon.

There is always a choice

My advice is just one word long, say, ‘No’.

NotNowBrownCow
Can’t believe adding a puppy to the mix! The nerve! They definitely are taking advantage of your kind nature. Tell them you can’t help this time for health reasons and will help them find a nanny-type for those days, or a child minder to help you, or another solution of their choice. It will not be music to their ear but stay firm and tell them you are no longer physically able. It happens to all of us when you get older. As for getting a puppy, well, am speechless 😶

HowNowBrownCow

To be fair to them they work extremely hard both are in senior leadership roles. After I said no, DS said that they only ask for help when necessary and said they try every other way before asking us. They say it is what it is, and that they have no alternative but then DS said that’s their problem.
I had my accident that caused the SCI when he was little and we shielded the kids from what was going on and kept everything as normal as possible for them so their understanding is little and they have always just respected that I am as I am without questioning why or what goes on with me.
I too would feel peeved if I thought that childcare was in place to be told next morning it’s all change so I do understand it from their perspective. In their naivety perhaps they thought as a family we will all enjoy having a puppy around because we used to have dogs as they were growing up.
We need better communication I think.

Did they find a childminder and a dog sitter 2-6 Sept?

To be fair to them they work extremely hard both are in senior leadership roles. After I said no, DS said that they only ask for help when necessary and said they try every other way before asking us. They say it is what it is, and that they have no alternative but then DS said that’s their problem.
I had my accident that caused the SCI when he was little and we shielded the kids from what was going on and kept everything as normal as possible for them so their understanding is little and they have always just respected that I am as I am without questioning why or what goes on with me.
I too would feel peeved if I thought that childcare was in place to be told next morning it’s all change so I do understand it from their perspective. In their naivety perhaps they thought as a family we will all enjoy having a puppy around because we used to have dogs as they were growing up.
We need better communication I think.

I feel your pain! My husband and I help out with our three grandchildren who are 2, 6 and 10. My husband is 72 with mobility problems; I am nine years younger and somewhat fitter so we do what we can. Between ourselves and our son’s partner’s mother we were all already struggling to plug the gaps caused by their weird shifts/school hols/boys football classes etc when our D.I.L. decided to get a puppy. We ALL told her to her face it was a bad idea but she just shrugged off our concerns. She is rarely around to care for it; it has destroyed a lot of the furniture, a lot of the kids toys, I feel obliged to pick-up its poop otherwise the kids can’t play in the garden. It’s not a small breed so has quickly outgrown its crate and jumps all over us, biting us. Over time, despite this, we have grown fond of her and we feel sorry for her because none of this is her fault; she needs more attention than any of us can give her. I’m sorry to say we think she was bought with an eye to having pups to sell - God knows how we’re going to cope when she starts coming into season and worse still if she does go on to have pups! I think we are all in danger of making martyrs of ourselves for frankly some astoundingly inconsiderate young people!

Oh dear, I feel your pain . I think your son etc are taking you for granted & are insensitive to your health issues . Grandchildren are a blessing ( I’ve got 7 with the 8 th due shortly ) & whilst I love them to bits I’m glad when it’s time for them to go home as it’s exhausting . I think it’s strange that the other grandparents chose that week to go on holiday . Term dates are known well in advance . I think I’d look for a compromise . Explain you want to help but 5 days plus a puppy is too much for you . Could you manage 2 or 3 days and see if they can book the children into a play or holiday club for the other two days ? Good luck I hope you find a solution

Absolutely NO to the puppy! - It must go back to its breeder for the week. They should also bring the children to you and collect them.
But a whole week is still too long - they need to find at least 2 days with someone else.
Your health is more important than their holiday.

I am sorry you are so worried, but you have done the right thing.
Despite your disabilities they expected you to do a 50 mile round trip to look after two energetic kids, they then craftily in my opinion said you would have to look after a puppy.
Personally I find both of them selfish. They did not hate to ask, they expected it.

Adding the new puppy is really taking the mick im afraid . The puppy will have to go to doggy day care or a kennel for the week and the children should be booked in to activity clubs so your DH can just take and collect them and you cover an hour here and there till they get in . Otherwise its defout of order .

Just caught the puppy bit. A definite NO. So selfish of them.please don't let them walk all over you. They will find some alternative. Be kind to yourself and your husband

Learn to say no. You must for your health. They will have to pay for childcare for a few days.

I would certainly want a bit more of an explanation of how they find themselves in this position if they wanted me to go to this level of inconvenience to help them out.
It’s always a tricky line, isn’t it? How do we balance helping out without feeling that we’re being taken advantage of? No magic answer I’m afraid. And we all love having the opportunity to build relationship relationships with our grandchildren don’t we?

Giving you a new puppy to look after is the final straw! They sound completely irresponsible. I don’t know where this tradition has grown up of grandparents providing free, flexible childcare! You should definitely put your own health first, and not accept any unreasonable requests. If both parents are working outside the home, childcare has to be planned, and usually paid for as well, not just dumped on grandparents at the last minute! They’ll have to book care for their dog when they’re away.

Can you have a discussion with them about what you consider reasonable, ie the number of days in a row you can care for them, and how often in the year is reasonable for you to cover their childcare?