Advice on a quandary

For the 20 years before my husband died bits of our fences blew down whenever there was a storm. He would repair them, and put in new wooden posts but bits still blew down. After he died I decided to bite the bullet and get someone in to do it. I used the builder who put up new fences for my daughter, so I knew he was reliable. All the old fences removed and concrete posts and new panels installed. Yes it was expensive, but we've had some pretty big storms in the last 4 years and nothing has shifted.

Well he bought the wood for the gateposts two weeks ago and they are still sitting here... he means well but I can still take care of myself!

He's probably secretly relieved, keepingquiet, as perhaps he felt he ought to offer.

Just tell him thank you, you know he would have done a great job but you know how busy he is.
A little white lie is sometimes kinder than the truth!

Thank your son kindly for offering, but say that you need the fecne put up immediately, and you know how busy he is, so you are having it done by a firm.

At this time of year it makes sense to get outside work attended to as quickly as possible.

Yes, someone coming week after next. It isn't a big job and no posts are required.
All my other fencing needs painting so no point in having a painted/treated one.
Yes, it was a kind of emotional blackmail but he'll forget about it once the fence is up.
Thankyou for all your comments.
I'll let you know when it's done!

J52

Get the professionals to do it. Then it’s all done and dusted by the winter.
Your son’s an adult and will just have to get over it.

Best way forward, have it done professionally.

J52

Get the professionals to do it. Then it’s all done and dusted by the winter.
Your son’s an adult and will just have to get over it.

And then it should be under a guarantee, in case something happens!!

I think keepingquiet has it sorted now.
🤞

If you son makes a mess, then you will be paying twice to have sorted out properly

He seemed offended

Emotional blackmail. Don't give in to it.

How utterly ridiculous to put on an offended air because your mum wants to get a job done well and at a time that suits her!

If you are wanting to have a decent fence pay for a professional job.

My NDN made an agreement with the (then) landlord to go halves for a new fence. Then the arrangement lapsed as the NDN made no effort to get estimates. Over a year went by. Meantime I bought the house. Then she had a bunch of cowboys put up a fence made from recycled panels which looked like something from the third world. She thought I was going to pay half.

No way, Jose. Your arrangement was with the LL not with me.

I got my gardener to bring in his brother in law to do a professional job. He erected a fence at the full permitted height and in the style of my other fencing. It hides the unsightly job of next door and is too high for her to poke her ugly snoot over it.

High fences make for good neighbours.

he - I meant your son.

We got someone to put some sturdy posts in then DH put on the overlapping fence panels.
Could you get someone in to erect the posts as that is quite a job in itself, then he could put on the panels?
DH did get on with it and he was fitter then.

Although personally, I'd do as M0nica suggests.

keepingquiet it will take 2 people to put the fence ,posts and gravel boards up. Get in the fencing people as you may need some panels made special . When I had my fence done at my old house had to have 2 panels specially made to fit my garden . The gravel board and fence posts where fine as my late husband and dad put up the original fence up. And my husband had altered the 2 panels himself. Make sure you get pre treated panels .

Monica has cracked it, just ring the fencing people.

Yep- had a chat this morning. I asked him when he would be able to fit the job into his busy schedule and he said not till the end of September. I said it needed doing sooner than this so I'm going to get the pros in. He seemed offended but its either his pride or my fence!

It would be a false economy trying to source all the bits that the pros have to hand.

Get it done by the professionals. It will cost you more but be done efficiently and quickly without you having to hunt for the right hardware, wood etc. In my experience my son would like to help me but I by-pass him because it would take so much of his spare time up plus his travelling to me.

I think Monica is right.

Cossy

Explain to your son, ask him if he’s available in the next two weeks, and if he’ll do exactly what you ask?

If he cannot commit then go ahead with your original plan

This

I agree with your comment Monica

Just ring the fencing company, get it done and then tell your son that he is a very busy man and you do not want to be a burden on him and have him dreading your phone calls in cases he is needed to do more work for you.

Thanks everyone. If he doesn't also fix the gate (which he's promised to do) he won't have a choice.

To be fair I just wasted an hour in B&Q where they didn't stock the fencing anyway and didn't have the right bolts and things. It does need doing before the bad weather sets in...

It’s lovely of your son to offer to do the job. But if you’re me, you will still have to recompense him in some way. And as others have said, since he has a full time job, it will take a long time. If you’re like me, I have no patience. Also, I’d rather it done by professionals. Good luck !

Get the professionals to do it. Then it’s all done and dusted by the winter.
Your son’s an adult and will just have to get over it.

If it means an indefinite wait and not being done properly, I'd thank my son for the offer and go with the fencing people and as Cossy's posted you won't be "letting anyone down".