Daughters New Guy

I remember your struggles earlier, how you wanted to give your small gd security and also keep your daughter onboard if possible.
Your gd is getting to the age where she may begin to question things like why she can’t be with her mother, adolescence is an awkward time but you will know this because you have been through your daughters adolescence.
I was a SW in child protection for many years and would be inclined to contact social services in the first instance for their advice/support.
Good wishes to you, your wife and granddaughter and your daughter too and hope you all get through this latest problem, well done.

No further advice than others have given but just wanted to say well done for all you ve done so far for you grandaughters happiness and safety

Sorry OP, I don't have any advice to offer other than that already given, but just wanted to wish you continued strength in working through this, as I know through personal experience, just how hard this sort of situation can be.

Talking with your ex police neighbor seems a good idea. Surely she/he will have useful knowledge to impart. Keeping GD safe you're doing the best any loving grandparent can, good luck.

Are you your grandchild's guardian by consent of court. If you are you could seek advice through family court.
If you do go to family court you will get the opportunity to discuss your concerns.
The court will consider the family history regarding your grandchild. They will decide whether your daughter will have limited access. The access will be with conditions which will have to be adhered too. It will be worth seeking advice with a solicitor.
You have given your grandchild a good caring loving home. Keep fighting for the safe upbringing you have provided so far.

GG, I am thinking about you and your GD. Do hope you are managing the situation ok. You were correct to wonder if it was safe to allow your GD to visit her Mum . As you have said your DD is very vulnerable and that must break your hearts. However you clearly put the welfare of your GD at the top of the list - quite right too. You are doing an amazing job and when your GD grows into adulthood she will always remember the love and security you gave her.

That’s very kind thank you

Best wishes

Nothing to add to the advice already given GrandadG but wanted to say what a wonderful job you have done providing a safe and secure home for your GD, along with supporting your D and doing what you can to facilitate their relationship.

I hope you'll be able to let us know how things are going.

We did have SS involvement in late 2018, tbh it was the best thing that happened we were just about to report and call various matters into them our experience was extremely positive

I think that might be my start point

Iam64

cc - grandad says upthread, no sw involvement in years. SGO means he and his wife share parental responsibility with their daughter. So their first point of call should be to discuss with their daughter. GG is noticing things that bring back the awful anxiety they lived with as the negotiated care for theirs grandaughter when they were so worried about their daughter.

Grandad, my experience of the specialist police teams has been they are familiar with situations like yours. Pressures of work also mean a call from you is unlikely to cause an investigation. The name change worries me. It isn’t unknown for sex offenders to change their name.

I'd expect that there will have been involvement with social services at some stage, even if five years ago. Often it is easier to work with them rather than start from scratch - It's unlikely that the same people will still be in post but they should have records and possibly also even knowledge of her new partner, depending on his history.

Hiya

We’ve got an SGO in place

I might look at social services first I’m really anxious about opening up to police

How difficult for you, and such a shame after all you have done. I think you should consider speaking to your Social Worker. I am assuming that you are a kinship carer, unless your DGC living with you was entirely arranged within the family (who has Parental Responsibility?).
Even if you haven't seen one for years, there will be a record with Social Services. My own experience is that they are very careful and discreet in such situations. I wouldn't talk on the phone, ask to meet, without DGC initially, and explain. They will be able to give you useful advice.
My apologies if you have tried this route, or you know it wouldn't work.

I agree with others that your GD's safety must be first and foremost. She is in a safe haven with you and needs to be protected from someone who sounds dodgy to me.
Tell the police your worries and take their advice.
Hopefully your DD will see through this man soon and keep him away.
Good luck. I hope this dilemma can be resolved soon.

Thank you for the kind words

Not harsh at all; we took our GD on 5 years ago now and we’ve always put her first she’s comes above everything else as far as safety and security goes

The heartbreak is we’ve been here before with our daughter; it’s complex - she’s vulnerable, open to exploitation but am at the point where I can’t protect her now she’s pretty much changed direction. Sad really we have been ticking along really nicely for a good few years now.

So essentially we’ll sit down as a family and whatever we feel is in GDs best interests we’ll follow that path.

Thanks for taking the time to post I appreciate it x

You are a star ! You are also very savvy and have your GD at the top of your list of priorities - well done (hope that does not sound patronizing)
You have made very necessary and tough decisions and and you say you will do again if that is needed. You have a happy and balanced G D thanks to your intervention. If any future decisions do end contract than that will be devastating however .........
Your GD must be protected at all costs. Reading back that sounds very harsh and I apologize for that but your GD is so important and no decision must destroy the love , time and commitment you are and will continue to provide to your GD . Good luck to you both 💐💐

Hi. I’ll take on board what yourself and others have posted then decide what to do; I have an old neighbour who is ex police I’ll have a chat with him too.

Our daughter is blindly besotted; she’s been so desperate for someone to love her and get out of what she does to earn money, sadly she lies and has said he is legit with businesses but doesn’t know what they’re called; I found out yesterday she has been telling a few people what he really does so now I know pretty much for sure and it’s frightening.

Such a shame; our small but safe circle is in jeopardy she doesn’t see danger for herself or any of us… we can take tough decisions we’ve done it before it’s just a case of here we go again…. this situ could end all contact

Best wishes

cc - grandad says upthread, no sw involvement in years. SGO means he and his wife share parental responsibility with their daughter. So their first point of call should be to discuss with their daughter. GG is noticing things that bring back the awful anxiety they lived with as the negotiated care for theirs grandaughter when they were so worried about their daughter.

Grandad, my experience of the specialist police teams has been they are familiar with situations like yours. Pressures of work also mean a call from you is unlikely to cause an investigation. The name change worries me. It isn’t unknown for sex offenders to change their name.

So sorry, this is a really difficult situation for you to be in. I agree with others that a talk with the police might be best. If you are the main carer for the granddaughter do you have a social worker you could speak to?

GrandadGarage

Thanks for the replies

I thought Sarah’s Law was just about sex offenders ?

Iam64. Hello ! In regards to police would this lead them to investigate him and potentially cause further concerns/conflict.

There’s no local authority support we haven’t heard a thing in hears

Our GD has though grown to be a positive happy child and it remains a real gift to be able to watch her grow and develop and see her achievements.

Thanks for listening all

Look up Clare's Law, this is relevant to domestic abuse and you can apply for information online. I assume it's confidential. Of course if you don't know the man's real name you'll need to explain this too.

He’s been absent since birth bar the odd here and there

What can the father of the child do to make sure his child is safe too?

Thanks for the replies

I thought Sarah’s Law was just about sex offenders ?

Iam64. Hello ! In regards to police would this lead them to investigate him and potentially cause further concerns/conflict.

There’s no local authority support we haven’t heard a thing in hears

Our GD has though grown to be a positive happy child and it remains a real gift to be able to watch her grow and develop and see her achievements.

Thanks for listening all

Hello, good to hear your update. Your previous experience means you’re well equipped to see genuine red flags rather than over react
Police teams usually have specialist child protection/safeguarding teams. You could call them and explain your worries. If you ask for their help in safeguarding your granddaughter, advice on any relevant convictions or knowledge they may suggest you apply under Sarah’s law
I’m sorry you have the same but new worries after so long
Does your SGO include any support from the local authority. I share your concern at this guy changing his name

Are you in the UK? Could you request a disclosure under Sarah's Law to protect your GD?

You could ask the police if he has a criminal record and if he's safe around children and recovering addicts!
They might not tell you everything, or anything, but it's worth trying!
If you can, take a recent picture of him in with you.