noisy neighbour - AIBU?

Your neighbour could watch/listen television with headphones! That way she can turn up the volume as much as she wants without you hearing anything! If she is willing to do that you could offer to help her install the headphone connexion, so as to minimise the trouble for her.

Next time you see her family there OP, could you catch them, and ask them if they've thought about getting her to use subtitles, or headphones or both, as the noise is STILL a problem for you. If they say they'll give it a try, then give them a few weeks, but if things don't change, then I'd be inclined to tell them that unless they can persuade her to take steps to bring the noise levels down, then you'll be forced to seek legal advice, as it's really spoiling your enjoyment of your own home.

Failing that, then if you can afford it, I'd take whatever steps are necessary to sound proof your home, as no matter what it costs, it's likely to be a LOT less than moving house.

Good idea, wish these headsets were advertised more as my husband is very deaf and I have suggested these headphones, just need to find where to obtain them. may get children to look for me they are more tech savvy and would know what would suit the old boy.

I am severely deaf and exactly as Debbie58 says above I use subtitles. If I were you I would suggest that to your neighbour and her family. If she continues with full volume I would continue to politely complain and regularly too.

My Mum is very hard of hearing, we've set up subtitles on every channel she watches . You can even get subtitles on iplayer etc . Might be worth mentioning that

hugshelp

My very deaf neighbour has her Tv next to the party wall. We can hear it in every room at one side of our house and in the front garden.
There was a time you could hear it from the end of the street and in every single room at my side, even with my head under the bath water. That was unbearable.

We've spoken three or four times and dropped her a polite note once. Each time things improve to an extent, at least for a while. The trouble is, it always creeps louder and louder again. I've pointed out that the TV's placement means if it's loud enough for her it's uncomfortable for us, She did move it a couple of inches away from the wall but likes it in that corner.

In total this has gone on over a year, but there have been significant quieter spells.

For a few weeks recently, she was poorly and watching TV in a room at the other end of her bungalow - though we could hear it a little it was much better. However now's she's well she's moved back into the lounge.

It's started up again the last couple of weeks but is quickly getting louder. We had her TV noise for about 9 hours yesterday and 3-4 the day before. The volume was about normal conversation to loud conversation level at our side. I have noise-reducing headphones and play white noise at about 70db to mask it -but it still bleeds through. Long-term, it's a regular thing on Thursdays and Fridays, then it can be every day or hardly ever the rest of the time. I know the longer I'll leave it, the worse it will get. Sometimes up to 15 hours solid.

My main stress atm is that I have a really important event at the end of next week and getting wound up due to her noise will be a real problem. Also I need to work at my PC in the main room affected and it is impossible to think. I resorted to a mobile device at the other end of our home yesterday but this is a real struggle as I'm vision-impaired and all my paper files etc are in the other room.

I've become so stressed over the course of time that I think I'm losing perspective about what is reasonable. Sadly, the quality of my life was so much better when she was ill!

Is it too soon to mention this again to her?

I don't know your specific circumstances but feel for you as noise makes me upset too. Other side of coin. My late father who had advanced dementia living on his own home since 1980s next to a couple who rented who complained if he put his washing machine on due to their perception of machine noise. They once complained when my husband and I attended dad's house for a problem and my husband was using a quiet tool on dad's door to fix it during the day. They clearly had an issue if any neighbour coughed out loud. My dad also had hearing issues. He was given headphones but forgot to use them sometimes due to his dementia. The neighbours posted some aggressive notes through dad's door. I went to their door once to try and have a reasonable conversation about dad's dementia. They did not engage. I suppose I am saying you may not know the reason. I would be beyond distressed myself at noise but if there is someone you can engage with there could hopefully be a solution. Good luck

Some years back I moved into a HA flat with a nightmare neighbour below. He was not old or deaf. Just utterly selfish. He liked that BOOM BOOM music played through subwoofers which vibrates in the bones of you ears. He didnt work and simply played music all day and late into the night. The sound insulation in the flats was also of very poor quality. I had a job as an academic and it was impossible to work at home.

I had the houseing office aroun several times. We would agree a volume level which was acceptable to both and then it would gradually creep up again. What made me angry was the fact that I was working and he was not. The HA was very reluctant to evict him or even threaten him with eviction, even though I was on the committee. He was considered a "vulnerable" person. In the end it was I who moved to a private rental in a detached house. To the best of my knowledge he still lives in that flat. I pity the tenant who lives about him.

My mum is very hard of hearing .....she is super conscious of not upsetting her neighbour so uses subtitles to watch TV, YouTube etc ....even when her neighbour goes away ( which is very often) my mum still uses subtitles as she has got used to them now

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. We had exactly the same with our previous neighbour, it is dreadful to live with. I’d been in a few times and marvelled that we couldn’t hear her tv as it was so loud. Told Mr C how lucky we were.

One day after lots of drilling noises we began to share her tv sound. Drove me to the point of tears and fury Mentioning it to her family there was ‘yes, we put it on the wall, didn’t think about noise travelling’. Each time we mentioned it the tv was turned down for a week or so then up it went again. We invited the family in to listen to it, offered to buy her wireless headphones. As if by magic the tv was turned down and stayed down.

She lived for less than a year after that which had me feeling very guilty that we may have spoiled her last months. Our new neighbours installed their tv on the other side of the room, are totally thoughtful as we try to be to them, it’s made such a difference to our quality of life.

Our thinking had gone along the lines of switching our room around, having a carpenter build floor to ceiling display cupboards with space for a tv along the party wall. It would have cost a fortune! A noise expert who came to assess advised sound insulation would only work if we did walls and ceiling. Again very expensive. We were so fortunate the noise ended when it did. We’d decided the best solution would be to move, something we really didn’t want to do.

Just wanted to point out that if you make any ‘formal’ complaints about the noise, this information will have to be disclosed to any potential buyers if you ever decide to sell. 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure being deaf is no fun, but it doesn't absolve you of the responsibility we all have to be considerate to others.

I think it's quite telling that when you explained how you were struggling with he noise level, her response was "I'm deaf you know" - rather than ^engage% with you. Which to me translates as 'I'm-deaf-so-you-will-just-have-to-put-up-with-it'.

From what you've told us, her family seem a bit - CBA, too.

Personally, I could accept the odd, random, loud noise from a neighbour's TV - but not hours and hours of it.

You say she's not open to suggestions - so basically she's expecting you to just put up with it.

Noise pollution can ruin people's home life; the stress of realising that it's something that is going to continue and over which you have no control, can lead to depression and anxiety.

I'm with petra on this. The woman is being selfish and inconsiderate, and you might want to consider, as suggested, contacting environmental health. You've tried a few tactful ways with her and her family, and have got nowhere - because they all see it as your problem, not theirs.

That sounds horrendous @janejudge, @jemimasmum and @shoppinggirl - makes me realise it could be worse. There's not much noise at night so far.
She has a dog too @janejudge - it's barking atm as it happens and has been for half an hour or so, but at least it doesn't howl.

Yeah, she seems compos mentis @petra. I was starting to wonder if the behaviour suggests she's just trying it on.
This was meant to be my forever home, but there have been a few issues which are making me reconsider. The deaf neighbour being one of them. I need to try and resolve the other things and make a decision.

Thanks for the advice @oopsadaisy1 - I've started saving my books where I used to give them away after I'd read them - already mulling on a wall of books.

I had been noting the times with a view to one last letter then trying official channels when it suddenly improved enormously. I didn't realise at the time it was because she went in hospital then watched TV in her bedroom at the other side while she recuperated. Guess I'll start that process again and try what other things I can in the meantime.

Thanks all. You've helped me get my head back in shape.

If you can’t move and she won’t change then you can do things to help deaden the noise.

Easiest is to install shelves and fill them with books.

You can insulate the wall with a thick insulated plasterboard.

However some houses are built in such a way that the noise echos through the upper floorboards and down through your ceilings.

Can you get a builder out whilst the noise is bad and see if he can suggest anything?

MissOops had this problem, she moved house.

This is an intolerable situation for you to live with .
Write another letter outlining your complaints .
Be polite .
But persist .
If it doesn't work then -
I think that petra's advice is excellent .

For a start I’d stop being the nice neighbour. I’m assuming she’s ok mentally?
If she is she’s giving you the finger the same as her family are.
In your position ( if I knew for sure this was my forever home I would take recordings of the noice and contact environmental health department.
I mentioned the forever home because if you do make an official report and decide to move by law you must declare this complaint on documents given to you by your solicitor.
Being deaf is a horrible condition but it’s not an illness. It’s sounds as if your going to be the one who’s ill.

My old neighbours were elderly 😅 there dog was just as bad! Howling in the middle of the night. I felt a bit sorry for them really as their housing situation had just become inaccessible to them but it was their choice to stay (they had other options available)

You have my sympathies as I had exactly the same thing happen to me a few years ago. I had bought a first floor flat and there was an elderly lady living below. Things went well for a while until one night I woke in the middle of the night to hear Radio 4 blaring. I thought someone had broken in and turned my radio on! This continued to happen every single night, getting louder and louder until it was turned off at about 6 a.m. - just before I got up for work. Eventually, I was so exhausted I spoke politely to her family who initially thought I was being making it up. They bought her headphones but she wouldn't use them. After months and months of absolute hell she had a fall, went into hospital never to return. Without wishing to be unkind it was wonderful to get back to a peaceful night's sleep!

JaneJudge,
That's exactly what happened to us. When the lady next door to us died a young couple moved in. They shouted rather than spoke. Held noisy parties every weekend and ignored our request to be more considerate. This was in lockdown and still the parties continued.
To make it worse one of them was a nurse and should have known better.
We moved to a house with lovely views overlooking a river so they did us a favour in the end

this was happening to me.
I moved into a detached house
I know this isn't a solution but I wanted to sympathise. I don't think people realise how awful t can be. I would waked up at 2am in the morning and the tv would be blaring, one upstairs and one downstairs and it just got worse and worse.

Doodledog

The fair thing would be for the neighbour to watch tv with headphones. Is there a way you could suggest that to her? I would want to know if I made such a noise that I was disturbing others, and would do what I could to mitigate things. Maybe she doesn’t realise how bed it is, as presumably she has the volume at a level that is comfortable for her.

I've made it clear how loud it is more than once. Her own family admit they can hear it when the pull up in the car when it's at its worst. She knows. She's not open to suggestions, but if I mention the noise, she stops watching the TV for a while, or watches it at the other end of the bungalow - which is great - but doesn't last.

JdotJ

Does she have family that visit you could mention this to ?

The family sort of shrug and say they'll mention it again. We had a problem with the same neighbour's bushes starting to split the boundary wall because they were so overgrown. We asked the neighbour's family if we might cut them down some. Instead of asking her they said, 'doubt she'll notice.' When we mentioned the shared drain being blocked from her side and the fact the water board said it was a wonder our neighbour's toilet hadn't totally backed up, they simply thanked us for clearing it.
Gone off topic a bit, but we're struggling to get proper solutions that way.

The fair thing would be for the neighbour to watch tv with headphones. Is there a way you could suggest that to her? I would want to know if I made such a noise that I was disturbing others, and would do what I could to mitigate things. Maybe she doesn’t realise how bed it is, as presumably she has the volume at a level that is comfortable for her.

Babs03

Oh dear that does sound tricky, of course your neighbour can’t help being hard of hearing but neither can you help being annoyed by loud television noises in your own home. Perhaps this time when you go to see your neighbour instead of just asking to turn it down ask if she could purchase headphones or select subtitles on the telly. Thankfully you haven’t fallen out with each other over this, could you invite her over to yours for a cuppa and a biscuit to discuss it.

She's too unsteady to come round here. Her family call and take her out in a wheelchair. I've taken her baking round sometimes but she accepts it without inviting me in. Any suggestions of other things she can do are met with 'oh no, I can't do that' without explanation.
Wierdly, I have noticed that every time I've taken her treats or done her a favour there has been a marked increase in noise after that, as though she equates me being nice with some idea that I won't mind the noise. I've never been nasty, I might add, just explained from time to time that we're struggling with the noise levels - to which she says, 'I'm deaf you know,' but then turns the TV down or off.

tanith

Mention it again of course but have you thought of earphones or ear buds? Not ideal of course but could give you temporary relief.

Tried all the earphones, buds, plugs etc. Can still hear it.

Oh dear that does sound tricky, of course your neighbour can’t help being hard of hearing but neither can you help being annoyed by loud television noises in your own home. Perhaps this time when you go to see your neighbour instead of just asking to turn it down ask if she could purchase headphones or select subtitles on the telly. Thankfully you haven’t fallen out with each other over this, could you invite her over to yours for a cuppa and a biscuit to discuss it.