Are my grandchildren or…..

Although my children were expected to clean their own rooms and change bedlinen. DD, in particular, used to get overwhelmed by the state her room was in, so once every 3 or 4 months, I would go up and sort and clean her room.

Her problem was that she was/is a great crafter and used to sit on the floor doing needlework, knitting, papercraft and making endless notes on lttle bits of paper, which scattered the floor.

We had an unspoken agreement that every 3 or 4 months I would go up to her room when she was out, armed with black bags and have a good clear out.The filled black bags would then be put in an outhouse for a week, in case I had thrown away something that was needed, then they went out with thrubbish and she never saw them.

When she returned home to a sorted room, there was never an acknowledgement of what had happened in her absence, but, as an adult, she told me how relieved she was by my regular clear outs.

She is still an avid sewer/crafter/DiYer, but in her own home and manages to keep it all under control, with temporary chaos creeping in only when large projects are underway.

Allira very good.

SparklyGrandma

When my DS was a teenager his room was usually messy. Every now and again I would say to him, on a Tuesday night after school, “ I hope you can tidy and clean your room this week, On Friday, if it’s not done by then, at 6pm I will enter your room to tidy it. Things might get misplaced, privacy might be invaded. Your choice” and handing him a roll of black bags.

He would be up very late on the Thursday night tidying it - but he did it and I never had to go in myself.

Oh yes, the black bags!
One of DD's friends said her mother used to clear up her room for her by putting everything into black refuse bags then charging her for each item she wanted back.
When the girl found she had no pocket money left she decided it was easier to tidy her room regularly.

jasper16

Why would anybody wait on another hand and foot? I dont understand.

You do not have to understand. The simple fact is that they do. And parents and grandparents, expecially mothers and grandmothers are the worst offenders.

They do it out of love, from a sense of obligation that this is what good parenting/grandparenting is. because they have grown up in a tradition where a woman justifies herself through her care of her children, because they had poverty stricken or abusive childhoods and want their children/grandchildren to have everything they never had and many hundreds of other reasons.

Sadly, they never realise until too late that they have made a rod for their own backs as instead of being repaid with the love and gratitude they expected they find they have selfish self caring children/grandchildren who care for them only for their ability to do what they want. They have brought their children/grandchildren up to be selfish and that is what they are.

Why would anybody wait on another hand and foot? I dont understand.

When my DS was a teenager his room was usually messy. Every now and again I would say to him, on a Tuesday night after school, “ I hope you can tidy and clean your room this week, On Friday, if it’s not done by then, at 6pm I will enter your room to tidy it. Things might get misplaced, privacy might be invaded. Your choice” and handing him a roll of black bags.

He would be up very late on the Thursday night tidying it - but he did it and I never had to go in myself.

I don’t know the living situation but it might be a very good idea to talk to your son about supporting him over these two horrible children. Suggest a united front. First e erything on the floor in black bags and locked away in the car boot. Secondly claim the bed. Case on it and tell her you are having the bed, she the floor and get your son to back you up and change bedding when she kicks off. It’s a start. You and him can then introduce consequences for not helping. Good luck with it all

Some very judgmental people on here saying your grandchildren are horrible, they are not, it has just never occurred to them to offer their beds. When I stayed with one of my sons I was offered a camp bed in my grandsons bedroom not my granddaughters bedroom where she had a double bed. It was uncomfortable so I bought myself a single blow up bed from Argos. It’s the height of a normal bed and comfortable. I now sleep in the lounge or dining room. As to the untidiness at least you don’t have to live with it all the time. Hopefully when they are older they will change.

It gets better but they do need guidance from the parents or else they never learn any better!

Ali08 I think DGC is Dear Grand Child

My teenage son started getting his bedroom in a mess and was not keen on tidying it up, clothes left on the floor or pushed under the bed in his attempt to tidy up, so l gave him an ultimatum. Put everything in its proper place or l will pick up everything that was left on the floor or under the bed and put it in the bin, l gave him 3 days to comply. He didn't do anything to tidy up so l gathered up everything that was on the floor, put it into a bin bag and put it in the bin. When he came home he thought l had cleaned up his room until he wanted certain items which, of course, were in the bin. After that he was much tidier!! Worth a try.

I'm very proud of my 3 DAC who all have successful careers that they love. It was very different when they were young, infant some family and friends thought they would end up in prison as they were quite wild as teenagers. Never into drugs though. One had a huge group of friends into heavy metal, black clothes, stud collars etc. People used to cross the road when they saw them sat on the grass. What did I do? Provide a safe place in my home for them all to come each evening, Sometimes 25-30 at a time. I was the only parent who would have them all in. They were all respectful to me, no damage to our home, they all crowded into my child's attic room and stairs. And my child was safe and off the streets at night- so we're the other teenagers.
As an adult this child is a high flyer now, with a management job in research and development. If I hadn't invited all they're friends in it could have so easily gone the other way

I bet your DGC woukd take nitice if your DS turned off the wifi, stopped funding their phones, makeup and all the rest they are indulged.
You can't do much but your DS needs to start setting limits to educate his DC on how to manage their life and that he is not their full time servant. Your DGD needs some lessons on being considerate to others as is your DGS. Why can't either of them use the bed on the floor (DGS can share room with your DS giving you his room). It would take a lot for me to visit being treated like a second rate citizen by GC and DS.

What the hell is a DGG??

Your son needs to stop picking up after them.
Just stop.
He should tell them their rooms are theirs to sort, clean, tidy. Put clothes away, open windows to let in fresh air, the works.

If they want clean clothes and bedding etc, then they should see to it that their dirty laundry is put in the laundry basket.

When items are washed, dried and folded, then he can put piles on the stairs so they can pick up their pikes when they go past - there's no excuse not to!

They have a certain amount of time to have their tasks done by, or any filthy dishes & cutlery are thrown out (or hidden) and each person is reduced to one side plate, one dinner plate, one bowl, one cup/mug, and one set of cutlery. If they don't wash them, then they eat off dirty!!

If they don't sort their laundry, they go out dirty.

If they don't like going out dirty & smelly, then they should sort their laundry.

All phones etc to be taken away until they learn, except when needed for school/homework, which should be done at the table or in the lounge with no TV to distract them!

At their ages it's utterly disgusting that their parent has to run after them like this!!

What are they like at their mothers, if they go there?

This is a ds problem. I think lots of teens would be the same if they had the chance. Why isn’t ds teaching his dcs to learn these life skills, as that is what they are. What was your da taught as a child? Did he have to clear up after himself?

As for the mattress on the floor, has your ds offered his bed and he sleep on the floor? It sounds as though he is as thoughtless as his dcs!

Two of mine are just the same which makes my son cross when he comes for a break home every 8 weeks.
But their mother is from Tanzania and doesn’t bother about making them pick up their items etc.
This could be common in Tanzania as my late husband had a Tanzanian nanny until he was 5 who my mother-in-law mentioned would also not bother about getting him to pick up his own items. However, while out walking I brought this subject up to a chap who said that it seems to be what happens with our grandchildren

My 78-year-old DH thinks he is a teenager. We have separate bedrooms and his is disgusting. I never go in it. His mother did everything for him (and all the things his dad should have done) and thought it would result in extra love for her. It didn't.

My girls were like most teenagers but not any more. Their homes are clean and tidy but relaxed, which is fair enough.

You should not be sleeping on the floor! Just say no!

I recommend the book ‘living with teenagers’ by anon. Very true. Available from world of books (second hand bookseller)

I expect your grandchildren will grow out of this behaviour, mine did eventually.

Sorry but your grandchildren sound horrible. To let you sleep on the floor while they have a bed is outrageous. Their parents allow it. Lazy parents raising selfish children.
That’s the part that got to me. Unbelievable
Most teenagers are lazy, but to get the grandma to sleep on the floor is simply awful 😡

Teenagers are muck buckets. That’s a fact. It does get better. But, making you sleep on the floor is a no no. That is bad parenting and bad manners. I wouldn’t stay there. They sound awful. Sport but they do !

I have to say, I know my boy would not allow any guest (apart from his mates) to sleep on the floor.

He wouldn't need telling.

I'm shocked at you having to sleep on the floor. I struggle to get up off a lilo when camping and when I stayed with my DS and his family in Germany they offered a matress topper on the floor as they didn't have a spare bed, but I opted to sleep on the sofa instead. Now when I visit them I sleep in a bed in my GD's room while she goes in a travel cot in DS's study. If DiL's parents are visiting at the same time, they have the bed and I take a sleeping bag and sleep on the sofa which suits me fine.
I still remember being sent to sleep in a neighbour's house as a young teenager because my mum and dad had friends staying. They gave the friends their room and they slept in mine and my brother's rooms. I slept at the neighbour's house and brother went to my GP's house. It didn't happen often but my parents always put the guests first and us kids last when it came to sleeping arrangements!
As for helping around the house my kids didn't do much but there were a few basic rules. They had to help empty the dishwasher - I filled it as it had to be arranged properly. They had to keep their rooms tidy and if they didn't I didn't clean them. Pocket money was dependent on these basics. My son often went without pocket money, but my daughter usually got hers. Now he is the tidy one while she is the one who leaves a mess everywhere!

They need a cold shower. Unless clothes are in the laundry bin, they don't get washed. The parent ought to have ordered one of the girls to give up her bed for you. Why are you even visiting, given that it is causing you so much heartache?

The majority seem to agree that unfortunately you have rather selfish grandchildren, down to bad parenting unfortunately. I would refuse to stay there unless I had a bed and stick to that, the general laziness and untidiness hopefully will fade as they grow up and is beyond your remit, don’t ever tidy up for them.

IMO, knee op or no knee op you should not be sleeping on the floor, and your GD should have been taught that fact !