Six month Visit by Step daughter and granddaughter

It's cheeky that she just assumed that you will look after your granddaughter while she works.
As other posters have said..I'd be telling when I'm available..when I'm NOT available and let her sort it out

She should have told you. And although it's not your responsibility to look after your granddaughter, a couple of days a week of getting to know her better might be just lovely 😊

Fairislecable

Yes 6 months is a long time to be imposed upon but it can also be really lovely to get to know your long distance grandchild.

My DD, partner and 2 year old moved in with us for 3 months due to a delay in their new house. It changed my day to day life BUT it was temporary, and I kept that in mind.

The 4 year old will need nursery/school but helping out taking and pick up is not an onerous task.

The washing, cooking and household chores should be shared. A 4 year old will be in bed at 7 so the evening will be adult only.

It is not easy but interaction with a small child can really lift the heart.

Good luck.

‘* A four year old will be in bed by 7*’?

Really?

Yes 6 months is a long time to be imposed upon but it can also be really lovely to get to know your long distance grandchild.

My DD, partner and 2 year old moved in with us for 3 months due to a delay in their new house. It changed my day to day life BUT it was temporary, and I kept that in mind.

The 4 year old will need nursery/school but helping out taking and pick up is not an onerous task.

The washing, cooking and household chores should be shared. A 4 year old will be in bed at 7 so the evening will be adult only.

It is not easy but interaction with a small child can really lift the heart.

Good luck.

Let the posters husband and step daughter sort this out, the OP should not have her life disrupted at all.
The Father is clearly happy so let him step up.

As the step-daughter has previously been living with her own mother has something happened in that relationship to trigger this now?
I think the OP husband should be having a conversation with his ex wife about their anxious daughter.
As for looking after the 4 year old.......state your availability OP, set out the house rules, and ask the SD exactly what plans she has in place for her child whilst she works from your home.

Just trying to look at it from SD s perspective . Her parents are separated, she normally lives with her mother and child’s partner not over involved. Could it be that she wants or feels entitled to live with her Dad for a while?
As others have suggested though, is it a trial run with view to permanency?
How would the poster feel if it was her daughter? How does her DH feel?
Ground rules definitely need to be set in any case.

I looked after my 3 and a half year old GS for 3 days earlier this year when his nursery was closed and parents were unable to get the whole week off. The first day it was wet so we stayed home and he constantly disturbed his mum who was working from home. After that she decided to go and work out of the house and as the weather was better I took him out both days for at least part of the time which worked fine, but I was relieved when DS was around after that and I didn't have full responsibility. I live 200 miles away so he's not used to being looked after by me, and I'm sure your GD will not be used to you if she usually lives in Canada so it will take time for her to adjust. Thank goodness my younger GD was able to go to her childminder as normal. I'd never have coped with both of them!

Hopefully you'll be able to arrange some alternative childcare for at least part of each week, though places are hard to come by in some areas because of the government increasing the amount of childcare provision that is now funded. I'd be horrified to be expected to do such a significant amount of childcare without proper discussion beforehand. Thankfully my DS and DiL asked nicely and with a reasonable amount of notice and it was only for a few days!

Hmm. A strange thread. And not a lot of response from OP.

Have you talked this through with your partner. It’s his daughter- maybe he invited her to stay over winter. I can’t imagine anyone would just arrive and expect to stay for six months without some discussion. Also, how did you end up looking after your granddaughter every day?

Six months? To escape the winter? Assuming you’re in the UK, is she misinformed that Britain is a tropical paradise in winter? From seeing how winter is dealt with where my son lives in the US, they are far better set up for cold weather that we in Britain. We may or may not have snow, may or may not have weeks of grey skies and rain, perhaps some gales and fog thrown in for a change.

I really think your step daughter’s father needs to be dealing with this, not you. Make him sit down and draw up a plan to a) decide whether it’s feasible in the first place and b) how he is going to ensure you are not inconvenienced by this disruption.

Wow 6 months is a long time to have anyone staying in your home. It's good you intend keeping up with your hobbies but, like you, I would want some down time at home to clock off and would need to retire to my bedroom from time to time to read a book, phone a friend ext. I'm not really keen on a TV in our bedroom, but in these circumstances I would be heading to the shops pronto to get one installed if you don't have one. That way you can always go off and take a break. I wonder if it would be possible to set up a routine of 'me' time right from the start. For example saying grannie (if that's what you are called) always goes up for a rest if I am home between 2.00 and 4.00. That way you are not waiting until things get on top of you and ending up stressed and maybe saying something sharp on the spur of the moment.

You sound lovely, being willing to do this for your DH. I love my daughter and it's great when she is around but I think that length of visit, whoever is coming would be hard. I would carve out some established time for yourself right from the start. Hope it goes well.

Have I read this right? 6 Months, good gracious that is a long time to stay with someone, think taking the you know what here to be honest. I thought you meant 6 weeks until I re-read.

My Australian friend found the long Canadian winters too much .
She had seasonal affective disorder .
But she stayed for three years - through her husband's contract .
Is something going on with your step daughter ?
Is this going to happen next year ?
Lovely as it will be to see your granddaughter-it's too much .
I suggest that you have what will probably be an uncomfortable discussion with her about your granddaughter going to nursery school , help with housekeeping and chores .
And see if your step daughter is as enthusiastic .
It's also disruptive for this little girl . She must have a routine and friends in Canada .

This does seem very entitled...

I might be asking the Local Authority what they would expect for the child, because in the UK s/he would certainly be in a nursery or even reception, depending on age etc. And 6 months seems like a long time to be away from any kind of educational setting...

silverlining48

6 months? Good lord. That’s a cheeky ask.
Maybe your granddaughter can go to nursery or school nearby, to be arranged by her mother of course.

What a wonderful idea !

More like check viability if they dont have UK passports, depending on the age of the child.

barbaraellen

Will you be required to pay extra council tax for a long stay? Especially if using council run nursery/ school?

Why would that be the case?

I assume the stepdaughter is the daughter of OP's partner, not a blood relation at all. The father seems to be absent, for whatever reason, which does not bode well for the future.
Talk Now!

Looks like your husband is in for a busy, and potentially expensive time, overlyanxious

Will you be required to pay extra council tax for a long stay? Especially if using council run nursery/ school?

silverlining48

. In most countries children start school later than here. Usually 5, 6 or even 7 but it’s worth an ask, definitely let the mother know of any nurseries locally so she can get in touch with them.
Then you won’t have the responsibility of looking after the little girl while her mother works from home 🏠.

Apparently children in Canada start at age 4, so this child must have been at school or about to start.

Your step daughter has taken a liberty by not asking you if it was ok to come and stay for 6 months.
My MiL dropped a bombshell one Mother’s Day, when they arrived for lunch. I was a few weeks away from giving birth to my second son, but was happy to host, however during the meal she announced my FiL and her would be coming to stay for two weeks as she told her niece her and family could use their house a base during a trip from New York. A few weeks later she announced her nephew would also be staying with us, as he didn’t want to miss out a family party. All this without asking if we were happy to put everyone up, since then we’ve refused to impose ourselves on any other family members.

The O/P makes it clear she is here already, I think, so the "advance planning" that boat has sailed?

Unless the Local Authority finds a place, my DiL found a nice but not at all OTT expensive local private nursery for preschool, and there is a lot of flexibility about timing ie not attending everyday or times of day etc.

Yes id imagine our schooling laws still apply for her age if theyre staying long term.