Maternity finances with DP - does this seem fair?

It's like a business arrangement and it's a pity couples don't get married before having a child. Getting wed shows commitment to each other and gives you rights you don't get as a single mom. Having a child is the biggest and most important life changer, you never stop being a mother. .. As it is keep your own home , rent it out if he doesnt want marriage, it wouldn't do for me, I would be worried why not and probably choose to go it alone and leave him with his spread sheets.

Norah

Perhaps marry, stability for your new family?

Keep your home, make sure (solicitor) it's protected at yours.

Fully agree.

He seems to have invested a tremendous amount of thought and effort into workìng things out very methodically, spreadsheets galore, et al. From the info given it seems the future has been meticulously structured to his advantage, leaving the OP with a feeling of uneasiness and not a few question marks.

A marriage certificate would go some way to legally clarifying the situation and affording OP some neccessary legal security. That's the priority word here: SECURITY.

I would seriously look at the possibility of renting out your property- I think you said you thought you needed more equity?
Maybe you don't?

I would also ask do I truly love and trust this person?

If you do, and he is trustworthy, why would he be out to rip you off?
Planning the baby before the living arrangements is sort of odd to me. Babies are a terrific emotional, practical and financial upheaval.
I don't understand what it is about your relationship that made this your choice.

I also think that we all behave differently.
Some people need to feel they have financial independence within their marriage but neither of us cared.
I was lucky in that we both started with not a lot - but when I inherited it never occurred to me not to put it onto a joint pot.
Having worked in refuge with women fleeing abuse however I can see positives to keeping some money apart!
No one can really make the decision for you unfortunately.

I wish you well for the future but think you should try living together before you make any irreversible changes. Part time living together is very different to full time.

Cold

You might get better replies on Mumsnet rather than Gransnet for grandparents.

I agree. This site is for grandparents.

At all costs hang on to your own home as you are not married. Anyway even if you are married don't sell it, rent it out, it's your security.

Smileless2012

As I've reported both threads, I'll be guided by GNHQ.

Yes, so have I.

As I've reported both threads, I'll be guided by GNHQ.

I call my boyfriend my partner at times and vice versa. What's the issue? I haven't lied and called him my husband or anything like that.

Whats it to do with you what I call him?? It's the same bloody thing

Seeing the thread you've just started about your partnersboyfriend's search history and your concerns about Tess, are you sure you want to go ahead with his relationship Confusedfriend?

I'm glad that posting here has helped Confusedfriend .

petra

I think the OP is one of those 😉

..... tick tock 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Still waiting... one of what??

Or do you Just vanish after typing snide??

Trolls, who would have thought they'd be on gransnet. I'm embarrassed for you.

I do feel a lot better. I tend to think of worse case scenarios, a lot. I then tend to search old mumsnet posts where the poster has went through similar... and really wind myself up. My partner hates mumsnet and says he noticies a difference in me when I sit and read it. I will look into keeping my house but if that isn't possible or won't be beneficial then I simply will sell as it'll only cost money and I don't wsnt to live seperately from my partner, especially after giving birth.

I think alot of the nightmare posts I have read is people who have rented and then moved in with their partners and don't have savings. They then sometimes give up work to look after said child. Me on the other hand, any money from sale of my house is mine to keep, I have friends and family, I also have savings that are not joint but are solely and only mine, and I can survive on my income alone, I don't need his money. Ahhh hormones have me getting all emotional and thinking the worse. Thanks everyone. We are having a chat tonight about maternity finances... instigated by me. Thank you all.

It isn't a very nice question and is a bit rude, yes. But two posters are posting implying I'm "one of those" and will provide no explanation and have disappeared when challenged. Very rude and immature.

He does sound a decent chap and you both appear sensible. I think spreadsheets are a good idea and help plan for the future. Better to foresee what’s possible than to go blindly forth.

You are possibly more concerned about the next year, before you both buy a house together. Thats understandable. It’s a big change and there’s risk. But that’s the same for all making the next big step, into marriage or just moving in together.

It sounds like the discussion has helped you be clearer in your mind. I hoped it’s helped you. Enjoy your pregnancy and the relationship. They say never argue over money! Wishing you all the best.

Surely, going into any relationship with another person is to some extent a gamble on the future, but in your case, OP, your OH has done a lot of homework in advance and is giving you more reassurance than many other prospective partners would be able to give.

You love him, you’ve already had considerable experience of living together and assessing how compatible you are. You may find yourself throwing the spreadsheets into the air in exasperation now and then, but there are a lot of positives already. The biggest unknown is how things will work once the baby arrives, but isn’t that always the case?

As others have said, your house is a valuable asset, so it’s probably a good idea to keep it, as you’re planning to do.

Confusedfriend

Yes, we have a... you guess it! Spreadsheet of pooled income when we purchase a home together. The plan is to sell this house next Christmas... we said if that were to change, ie we would be here mich longer (my partner doesn't envisage this, i like to think of all senarios) then yes, I would be on the mortgage and everything would be split equally compared to salary. Our current estimates split is 33/67 based on salary. Him paying the highest share.

Seems fair.

For me marriage first is always the answer, but you have spreadsheets - whatever makes you happy splitting your home and assets and his tangible assets.

Security is the key word when you are expecting a child.

So pleased that you came to a solution and a plan for the future that gives you peace of mind ConfusedFriend. Armed with your finances attuned with your spreadsheets, and a plan for your own house being rented out, it sounds like your problem is resolved and you can look forward to a future as a family together.

Thanks for advice so far everyone. I'll look into renting my house out as an additional income not for the purpose of what if we split because if I had thay mindset I shouldn't be pregnant! But life happens. I'll look at it as an option and see if it's worth it. Thank you.

How old are you?

As old as my tongue and a bit older than my teeth is the usual answer when someone asks that impertinent question.

Yes, we have a... you guess it! Spreadsheet of pooled income when we purchase a home together. The plan is to sell this house next Christmas... we said if that were to change, ie we would be here mich longer (my partner doesn't envisage this, i like to think of all senarios) then yes, I would be on the mortgage and everything would be split equally compared to salary. Our current estimates split is 33/67 based on salary. Him paying the highest share.

Skydancer, more passive aggressive. I'm here so please speak freely what you are implying here? Please tell me what youre calling me? Funny when I called out your friend she went quiet too! I've never really understood people that take time to read a post, decide they have nothing to add which will help but decide to post comments which are hurtful or snide. How old are you?

Madgran77

I might have missed it but has there ever been any consideration of actually pooling all income and then working out from that what are outgoings; savings; day to day expenses; extras etc? That system works for some couples...would it help you?

The best mantra is "What's yours is mine and what's mine's my own"

petra

I think the OP is one of those 😉

So do I. Petra.