Is it so hard to say Thank you?

I wonder if us oldies are simply "old fashioned" in our opinion that good manners are important? I'm lucky (or did I bring my DDs up well?) that both of them, plus hubbies and kiddies, thank me for things - albeit in a text or Whatsapp message. But both DDs and families are fairly well off so now we have online shopping perhaps buying their own stuff has become the norm? We must all remember getting chocs, books, smelly stuff etc and thinking it was wonderful but nowadays maybe even small kiddies have buying preferences and don't actually want our choices. Though I would still hope for a thank you, especially with gifts of money.

Also todays children are far busier with their lives than we were. My weekends were often spent visiting my aunts, uncles and grandparents (some of them several bus rides away) but my GC's lives are full of sport, dancing, piano lessons etc. They barely have a spare minute for family stuff.

'Gilly33', failure to thank me for a wonderful gift like that would definitely result in no further presents, no matter who it upset! How rude and ungrateful can you get? This sort of behaviour really makes me cross, and there is no need for it. I do think a lot of it tends to be down to to the failure of parents to teach their kids to say thank you, as I know that I'm more responsible for teaching our grandchildren good manners than their own parents. It seems to me that these days people have children, but so many of them are too lazy to actually teach them the important things about life, choosing to leave it all to others. A big example of this is the number of kids starting school these days who haven't been toilet trained. I find this quite disgusting, and while there are children who struggle with this due to physical problems, there is NO excuse for not teaching your child how to use the toilet and clean themselves properly. Sorry, I'll get off my soapbox now ladies, lol.

That politician is talking rubbish. It does not show weakness to say sorry, rather the reverse - it shows strength, as it’s not always easy to say sorry.

My lovely friends got baby gifts for my new grandchild and my daughter-in-law seemed irritated and didn't understand why they had given them. My son actually wrote the thanks. It's such a quick thing to say why do people find it so difficult you just accept somebody giving you something you don't have to question it., the other word is sorry that's a whole different topic. A conservative politician said this morning it shows weakness if you say sorry.. does this mean that politicians have permission to lie!!

mabon1

I have not given one of my grandsons a gift this year, as he did not thank me for a generous sum £200 I gave his first born and many gifts too. He told me " On this occasion will accept the gifts but future you must ask us what we want for the baby"

What an appalling thing to say after being so generous. I wouldn’t buy him anything ever again. Entitled and shocking nanners.

I have not given one of my grandsons a gift this year, as he did not thank me for a generous sum £200 I gave his first born and many gifts too. He told me " On this occasion will accept the gifts but future you must ask us what we want for the baby"

My mother invented the all purpose thank you letter before Molesworth’s wonderful version and on Boxing Day morning I sat down with my new writing paper to write virtually the same letter of thanks what seemed like dozens of times (probably eight or ten times maximum) before being released to enjoy the things I was saying thank you for. It never occurred to either of us that this was in any way negotiable!

Calendargirl

It’s nice to know your gift is appreciated.

On another thread though, someone commented that you don’t give ‘to be thanked’, but for ‘the joy of giving’, or words to that effect.



Perhaps so, but as has been said, a quick text takes no time at all.. Not like having to write a letter, address envelope, post it….

On another thread though, someone commented that you don’t give ‘to be thanked’, but for ‘the joy of giving’, or words to that effect.

Yes, I've heard that one previously.

Of course you don't give a gift simply to be thanked for it. I just don't understand why it has now become unfashionable to do so!

Apart from the excuse that - with the younger generation - they're not really into the courtesy.

As for gifts that are posted - surely it occurs to people to acknowledge that a present posted has actually been received?

Is it that times have changed and some common courtesies are deemed unnecessary?

I have given up expecting. One grandchild always thanks and appreciates, the others not so. Friends those that have not acknowledged I won’t ’ buy again, but will tell them a few months before. I prefer to make a donation to my charity on top of what I give anyway. I honestly don’t know what to buy anyone now and there's nothing I need, certainly not chocolates, .

I wonder if these kind of threads are on mumsnet? Would be interesting to know what's being said a generation down. Saying thank you.. .teaching children to have manners. ?

This was an interesting post to read. I feel the same.
2nd marriage, one of the partners of my DH sons has banned us seeing their 3 girls about 6 years ago, as since I've had my own Grandchildren, apparently I now dont do enough for hers. They were first born, had lots from us, but there are 10 GC now between us, and we are both retired, so funds are not what they were. Nevertheless, I not my DH have continued to get gifts over to them, never acknowledged, so this year money through their door with nice cards.
His eldest Son has 2 boys, I found a driving experience for them, to include a Lamborghini, Ferrari and one other high speed car. Perfect I thought for young teens.
We haven't heard a word from those boys, or even their Father over Christmas, yet I made sure they had those gifts the previous week.
DH is livid, I feel like stopping all this, but due to the unfair accusations from this awful girl, feel they must all continue to get gifts so I am fair to all.
What would you do?

Maybe they will reply later - they might still be tied up with Christmassy things or still have guests.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a thank you. I would too.

Calendargirl

It’s nice to know your gift is appreciated.

On another thread though, someone commented that you don’t give ‘to be thanked’, but for ‘the joy of giving’, or words to that effect.



Perhaps so, but as has been said, a quick text takes no time at all.. Not like having to write a letter, address envelope, post it….

I completely agree, Calendargirl. Indeed it is nice to experience the joy of giving, but in my book and yours, it’s good manners to say “thank you”. Two small words, but they mean so much, however they are sent.

I sometimes wonder what kind of a world we live in now where manners and common courtesy have gone out of the window. Do people actually teach their kids to be grateful for presents or money given to them? do they have so much these days that they don't think they need to say thankyou?
I know it's not quite the same but we take our dog out for a walk every day and the number of cyclists who whizz by us without a thanks or a warning bell as we get out of their way beggars belief. I really do think courtesy and good manners have taken a nose dive

I gave my adult grandson a cash gift and some small presents for him and his girlfriend. I left it at his mum and dads house for him, I know he received it.

No text. How long does it take to say 'Thanks Nanny' ?

It's rude not to respond. I won't repeat next year.

I was brought up to believe that a present wasn't yours until you had said thank you for it - in person, telephone call, letter etc. Sadly it seems that those days are long gone for many now.

There are some staggering levels of entitlement on display but fortunately my closest family are not infected with this malaise.

I handed gifts over to the GC on Christmas Eve and they both said thank you straight away and gave me biggest hug before they left! They also messaged on Christmas morning to repeat their thanks and wish me Merry Christmas!

OH niece, on the other hand told her dad that the cash we normally send hadn't gone into her account! He queried this with me and I explained that I had been interrupted the previous evening as I was making the transaction and it hadn't gone through. He then said "can you do it now, then?" Bloody nerve of the man! Still not received a thank you message, so this is the last time!

Most of us don’t give gifts to be profusely thanked but just because we care. However when there is no acknowledgement at all it can make us feel ignored or sidelined, as if somehow we don’t matter. No one likes that feeling and it somewhat diminishes the joy of giving!

Not only good manners to say thank you but also reassures the giver that the gift has been received.

I've stopped sending a parcel to our niece and her family for Christmas. They never even let us know it had arrived, let alone thanked us for it. A text message would have been fine.

I know the feeling.

Same with cheques I sent to two nephews that weren't even paid into their bank accounts years ago, I gave up at that point 🙄

Our families are scattered across the country and these days it's only weddings we get together for. I think it's important to keep in touch.
I do still send a card with a token amount of cash to the young great-nieces and great-nephews at Christmas, but not their birthdays now.
I don't get an acknowledgement from their parents. Hey ho 😕

I agree, you don't give a gift just for the thanks but because you care. However, the act of saying "thank you" whether in person, by phone, text or post is all part of having good manners and a full set of the social skills which make life pleasanter for everyone. Why so many people have let these fall into disuse, I do not understand.
But no, RosiesMaw2, it's not hard and you are definitely NBU.

It’s nice to know your gift is appreciated.

On another thread though, someone commented that you don’t give ‘to be thanked’, but for ‘the joy of giving’, or words to that effect.



Perhaps so, but as has been said, a quick text takes no time at all.. Not like having to write a letter, address envelope, post it….

I've stopped sending a parcel to our niece and her family for Christmas. They never even let us know it had arrived, let alone thanked us for it. A text message would have been fine.