Is it so hard to say Thank you?

My grandchildren always thank me, but my great-nieces and nephew never do. It’s like sending presents to outer space. So I’m not sending them any more. The little girls are too young to notice, but old enough to write their names on a thank you card.

I never get a thankyou letter from my DGS. What I get is a lovely photo of him with said present and a thumbs up via WhatsApp, and a little message. I know he appreciates the presents and I get a lovely photo of him, win win!

I think if you put a lot of effort into a gift you really "do" want the other person to like it.
Money is an "easy" gift - I don't mean it doesn't cost but it doesn't involve so much time and brainpower.

I somehow think I'd be less bothered about the thank you for the fiver than thank you for the super fine (exactly what I wanted) climbing chalk that you had to make phone calls about and source specifically for me!

I have to say, I DO nearly always get thank-yous.

With cash transfers into banks I always make a note on the transfer. "Happy birthday from NotS" or whatever.
I don't see how they wouldn't get there if you have the account info.

Same here. I don't know how to do it. They never contact us. (16 and 18). I think I will ask my husband to let his son know. But I don't know how he should phrase it in a diplomatic way.. Don't want to sound unkind of course.

I am in the process of letting all my eight grandchildren (aged 13 yrs to 25 yrs old) that if they are not bothered to send at least an acknowledgement of birthday, xmas, etc. money gifts sent to their bank accounts, then I will not longer be bothered to send them any such presents. Some of them are excellent in doing this, but there are three or four of them who never acknowledge anything and it really annoys and upsets me. and it does mean that I do not know if the bank transfer was successful.

mabon1 i totally agree with you. What a cheek,not only to be rude enough not to thank you for gifts, but to think he has the right to tell you what to do with your money. So my view is this. It is not the poor babies fault that they have a rude and ungrateful father. So to me the options are , just no longer give any presents to that family at all, or if you have other family members that you give gifts to, you might choose to have a savings account , but still in your name so you have control over it, where you would put a similar amount of money that you might have spent on a present, then in the future when the child is older , you will see what sort of relationship you have with them and you could wait until they are older themselves and then give them the money or buy them something special when they can appreciate it. As to the father, he would be someone I would be pleased to forget or ignore!!

Very very rude! Don’t send pressies or money again!

We have sent gifts and cash to my husbands GC every birthday and Christmas and never once got an acknowledgement. I sent the 18 year old £100 last month and again no response. When they visit which isn't often as they live quite far away, they expect to be waited on and just sit there looking at their phones. They, and their mother are totally disinterested in us. On the last visit they never once asked us a question about our lives. They do perk up though when we go shopping and of course every shopping trip has to have cake and milkshake break which we pay for. I was so exhausted with the last visit all the catering and shopping trips is expensive. They don't like many foods each has different dislikes so having to cook separate meals we agreed that was it with the visits. Needless to say they have never once invited us to even a meal at their house when we have been holidaying in the area.

My husbands son works 60 hours a week and never at home, he goes off on fishing trips if has any spare time. He is totally under the thumb of his wife.

Unfortunately the GC were completely indulged as children and now it shows. They also MH issues although seem to manifest as being permanently sullen, rude and whingeing!

I want to stop the cash now the eldest is 18. The younger one is 16. I don't know what to do - continue gifts to the younger one until she is 18? Or stop now?

For many years we also paid into savings accounts for them. We stopped when we retired as we had less income. Never had any thanks for that either.

I know they are not my blood but I have tried over the years. My husband agrees with me.

One of my aunt's always sent me money as a gift for Christmas and Birthday.My Aunt was also my Godmother when I was christened. My siblings never received gifts from her. Mother always insisted that I wrote to thank Aunt for the presents.
It is good manners to let someone know that their gift was appreciated.If someone did not thank me for a gift that I had given them, it would be the last one they had from me!

I think the saying 'Thank you' is more about showing appreciation that someone thought of you rather than thanking them for a (possibly unwanted) gift. I've received some pretty naff gifts over the years from people who I thought knew me quite well, but I would never have just ghosted them and ignored the fact that they thought of me - even if they didn't quite think enough 😁

I don't think it hurts anyone to think of other people's feelings some times. Especially people who are supposed to be special to you.

I'm very late to the conversation here but just wanted to say that that response is absolutely appalling! 'Will accept the gifts'...you should have said 'I'm so sorry you feel that way. Please give them back to me and I'll donate them to charity'. You're absolutely right not to give any further gifts. I really hope your other grandson(s) is/are more appreciative. A big hug to you!

NotSpaghetti

I am grateful if people make an effort to find something I like (or need). Thank you for the super fine long sleeved t-shirt and the soft-top socks... and the truly delicious artisan panettone and the luscious red wine. Thank you for finding me a new bitter alternative to Campari to try, and the lovely cheese I hadn't tasted before.

I do feel much less grateful about things I plainly won't want... like the jar of olives with anchovies when I'm vegetarian.

I'm not so grateful for the gift from a person who insisted that I needed an expensive new handbag "and you can never have too many handbags" (!) when I had several times been asked if there was something I'd really like and I'd said I needed a new lightweight drill or electric screwdriver!
I did of course say thank you but as I only use tote-style bags that everything can go in ....

Saying "thank you" is not the same as "being grateful".

Yes, I agree with all of that. I'm certainly not arguing for scrapping 'thank yous' . It's the way people withdraw what is supposed to be a sign of love for someone if they don't show enough gratitude that confuses me.

I'm not a gran yet, but I think I'd be inclined to call a child who didn't acknowledge a gift, and ask if they got/liked it, and why they hadn't said thanks. If they haven't been taught to do it, it might show them that they should? Isn't that better than just refusing to buy for them again?

mabon1

I have not given one of my grandsons a gift this year, as he did not thank me for a generous sum £200 I gave his first born and many gifts too. He told me " On this occasion will accept the gifts but future you must ask us what we want for the baby"

"You must ask us ???"
Words fail me.
how did this person end up being so horribly entitled and horribly spoilt ?????

I am grateful if people make an effort to find something I like (or need). Thank you for the super fine long sleeved t-shirt and the soft-top socks... and the truly delicious artisan panettone and the luscious red wine. Thank you for finding me a new bitter alternative to Campari to try, and the lovely cheese I hadn't tasted before.

I do feel much less grateful about things I plainly won't want... like the jar of olives with anchovies when I'm vegetarian.

I'm not so grateful for the gift from a person who insisted that I needed an expensive new handbag "and you can never have too many handbags" (!) when I had several times been asked if there was something I'd really like and I'd said I needed a new lightweight drill or electric screwdriver!
I did of course say thank you but as I only use tote-style bags that everything can go in ....

Saying "thank you" is not the same as "being grateful".

I don’t want to be unkind, but times have changed from when we got gifts once or twice a year and were ‘grateful’ for them.

I’m not sure what ‘grateful’ is supposed to mean, really. I was brought up with a sense of indebtedness that was described as being grateful and I hated it.

If I give you (anyone who believes in ‘gratitude’) something you don’t want or need, why should you be indebted to me? I just don’t understand it.

Many people debate regifting as they recognise that presents don’t always ‘hit the spot’. Why should someone be grateful for something they didn’t want or need?

I would, personally, thank anyone who gave me a present, but I am an adult, not a child. Most children are now used to being provided for in ways that many of us were not, so just see things differently.

Oh dear!
Didn't you have a piggy bank or a little tin or box to put your money in Catterygirl?
😟

I really loved looking at things in shops and saving up for them... mainly things from Britains - for farms, stables and gardens in my case!

I am sorry to add that I always found cash really thoughtless. My relatives in the fifties would give me half a crown but I was too young to go to the shops on my own. Don’t know what happened to the money.

mabon1

I have not given one of my grandsons a gift this year, as he did not thank me for a generous sum £200 I gave his first born and many gifts too. He told me " On this occasion will accept the gifts but future you must ask us what we want for the baby"

"On this occasion will accept the gifts but future you must ask us what we want for the baby"

You know, it does make sense to buy presents that are either needed or wanted, but - couldn't the request have been made in a more solicitous manner?

I understand unwanted gifts can be a bit tedious - what to do with them, etc? - but some people - parents in particular - can be a bit pompous about the whole thing.

With new-borns and children, I think money (or gift-cards?) is the best bet, for obvious reasons.

... whether or not you will get a brief "thank you" (which is all that's needed) is debatable, as many opinions on this matter are quite varied and include that which says you shouldn't expect to be thanked.

I don’t give expecting a thank you but I do have a teenage daughter who writes thank you notes. I’ve had thank you messages from the parents of the children I’ve bought for and have thanked electronically some people who have bought my daughter gifts. I received some gifts from children I work with and I shall write thank you letters to them. But I enjoy the choosing of gifts, I just don’t need thanking.

My young grandchildren have always made Thankyou cards with help from their mum. Even a scribble from very young. It’s always appreciated!

Clearly, it is difficult as most youngsters don't bother and as a pensioner living on a fixed income I expect a thank you.

Mabon1 read your thread. I know what I would have said to him but it’s not printable!

We had very little years ago but we did have manners.

I was really commenting on the difference between having a bank account operated online and having some money in your money box, saving up, counting it etc.
The physical action of dealing with the cash is very different.

This is something we're all conscious of as well: how to explain money to children who rarely see any cash?
I went shopping with my daughter and grandchildren recently. Granddaughter, 8, had a reasonable amount of cash from her birthday and pocket money she'd saved. She thoroughly enjoyed mooching around the different shops and choosing what to buy.

For Christmas I made her and our grandson, 3, a goody bag of little bits and pieces to keep them occupied when we took them all out for lunch on the Monday, and gave them cash in a special card.
I had wondered if our grandson was a bit young yet, but he was thrilled with his bank notes.
"Look mummy, I've got money too!"
He chose his own present to buy and paid for it himself, very happy 🙂

Yes, probably V3ra - and the older two do know they have savings - I was really commenting on the difference between having a bank account operated online and having some money in your money box, saving up, counting it etc.
The physical action of dealing with the cash is very different.

I did notice that at a family get-together one of those great-granddaughters actually thanked her great grandmother for her "Birthday money" as soon as she arrived - her birthday is very close to Christmas but she obviously knew about that. It was actual cash in her birthday card though.