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AIBU

...to think dancing at a music show is OK?

(99 Posts)
ftm420 Thu 30-Jan-25 22:21:50

Went to a music show last night at our local theatre. First half a well known disco diva; 2nd half an popular 80s band.

I got up to dance towards the end of the first half, having checked with the row behind and thinking they were OK about my standing up.

However, DH then started telling me to sit down and stop embarrassing him and everyone else.

I did, for the following number. Then there was a break so I picked up my stuff and walked out. Maybe an overreaction but I felt so angry.

What annoys me too is the amount of people in the theatre, videoing the performance so all you could see was a sea of screens between us and the stage. If anything, that's ruder than dancing. I was not the only one up either and when the music's good, I dance! (Classical music is totally different of course)

I just didn't want to sit through the 2nd half with my arms crossed as that to me is just not fun.

Have I missed the memo where the etiquette at performances like this is laid out?

Summerlove Fri 31-Jan-25 14:20:46

ftm420

dragonfly46 my DH is not a dancer, so would never get up anyway.

If anyone read the OP, they'd see that I did check with the row behind and got a thumbs up. Noone seems to read the OP on gransnet but just jumps to conclusions.

Oh well. I'm obviously the one selfish cow who spoils the night for everyone. I pay good money to experience it live too and dont see how sitting down jiggling your feet is a communal experience. Let your hair down for once in a while, why don't you.

I read the full OP. You said the road behind you was fine. What about the rose behind them? Or were you in the second to last row?

No one has been nasty that I have read, they just haven’t agreed with you. I do find it interesting that when disagreed with you’ve pointed out somebody else is doing something that you consider worse. That to me is quite petulant.

Washerwoman Fri 31-Jan-25 13:04:54

I would say you were unreasonable. Maybe right at the end when everyone stand to applaud and the whole audience joins in.But for a seated performance generally I think its rude.
But then I thought the woman who sang through most of Jersey Boys despite myself and others asking her to be quiet when we had paid a fortune was inconsiderate. It's one of the reasons I don't enjoy the cinema or theatre as much lately.

Rainbow1235 Fri 31-Jan-25 13:01:18

If u want to dance that badly head to a disco where u won’t offend or upset anyone

nandad Fri 31-Jan-25 10:50:15

We went to see Voyage, the ABBA show. Tickets are available to stand, to sit in areas where dancing is permitted or to sit where it’s not. We paid (£££) to sit in the non-dancing seats and people two rows in front us got up to dance totally obscuring our view. The people in front of us didn’t say anything and I couldn’t stretch over them to tell the dancers to sit down. It’s not just the people immediately behind you that are affected.

Shelflife Fri 31-Jan-25 10:46:26

Sorry but your DH was correct.

Mollygo Fri 31-Jan-25 10:42:48

At an open air gig, I had to watch the performers on the big screens at the side because the people in front were standing/dancing and even if I’d stood up I couldn’t have seen over them.
If you want to dance, get seats at the back.

Rula Fri 31-Jan-25 10:36:07

It's annoying.

Calendargirl Fri 31-Jan-25 10:27:39

ftm

You posted this under ‘Am I Being Unreasonable?’

The vast majority thought you were.

There’s your answer, if it’s not what you wanted to hear, you should not have asked.

🤷‍♀️

theworriedwell Fri 31-Jan-25 10:14:35

Kandinsky

Ikwym Calendargirl but this could have been her 1st night out in years, and hearing all those old songs brought back happy times. If I’d been sitting behind her I would probably have got up & danced with her.

Not everyone can though. I've got an arthritic hip, fine when I'm walking but to be trapped in a small space would mean I'm in agony.

It might have been my first night out in years as well.

Smileless2012 Fri 31-Jan-25 09:27:48

You didn't say that in your OP ftm you said you checked with the row behind and thinking they were OK with (you) standing up. If they'd given you the thumbs up you'd have known they were OK with it and wouldn't have thought they were.

Unless they were the very back row with no one behind them, they may have been OK with it but what about those sitting behind them?

Grannynannywanny Fri 31-Jan-25 09:25:30

ftm420 please spare a thought for concert goers who are physically unable to stand during a show no matter how much it might appeal to them.

I’ve been in that situation with a disabled relative. We could hear the performance but couldn’t see the performers. Just a view of the rear ends of the people in front of us. Before standing up they did turn round and apologise and said they’d no choice as they couldn’t see thanks to the folk in front of them.

Our evening was ruined.

ViceVersa Fri 31-Jan-25 09:19:44

ftm420

dragonfly46 my DH is not a dancer, so would never get up anyway.

If anyone read the OP, they'd see that I did check with the row behind and got a thumbs up. Noone seems to read the OP on gransnet but just jumps to conclusions.

Oh well. I'm obviously the one selfish cow who spoils the night for everyone. I pay good money to experience it live too and dont see how sitting down jiggling your feet is a communal experience. Let your hair down for once in a while, why don't you.

In your OP, you said you 'thought' the row behind were OK with your standing up and dancing - you didn't mention anything about a thumbs up there. And yes, I think you were being selfish. As I said, if I'd been sitting behind you, I'd be raging about you spoiling my view of the entertainment, which I'd paid good money to watch.

BlueBelle Fri 31-Jan-25 09:15:35

Oh well. I'm obviously the one selfish cow who spoils the night for everyone
Yep

ftm420 Fri 31-Jan-25 09:14:24

dragonfly46 my DH is not a dancer, so would never get up anyway.

If anyone read the OP, they'd see that I did check with the row behind and got a thumbs up. Noone seems to read the OP on gransnet but just jumps to conclusions.

Oh well. I'm obviously the one selfish cow who spoils the night for everyone. I pay good money to experience it live too and dont see how sitting down jiggling your feet is a communal experience. Let your hair down for once in a while, why don't you.

BlueBelle Fri 31-Jan-25 09:13:10

Certainly not meant to be ‘nasty’ but truthful
As often happens the story has changed in your favour in your second post there were now loads up dancing which certainly wasn’t pointed out in the first post but even so if there was no one else up around you and you got up alone it’s not on
Move to the aisle and dance your socks off and enjoy the experience The only time I’d get up to dance is when all around are doing too
Videoing is NOT on either but that s a theatre thing they need to be stricter and put people out if seen doing it

Sorry the thread hasn’t gone the way you were expecting it to but you did getv one supporter😀

keepingquiet Fri 31-Jan-25 09:03:23

I agree that people filming is far worse, and OP is right that far more people get away with this than should. I have never got out my camera at a gig because it is prohibited, but so many do it with no consequences.

Just enjoy the moment!

ViceVersa Fri 31-Jan-25 08:46:03

I don't think anyone has been 'nasty' in their responses to you. You asked a question, people responded - unfortunately probably not in the way you had hoped they might. Concert and theatre tickets are ridiculously expensive nowadays, so most people simply just want to be able to enjoy the experience to the full.

escaped Fri 31-Jan-25 08:42:52

I'm sorry if you read my comment as nasty, it wasn't.
DH spent many years working in London theatre, and there are certain "rules" that settings adhere to for the audience's comfort and safety. It is up to the front of house team to judge what is acceptable, and what isn’t. They intervene if things aren't right.
The problem in today's theatreland can be the culture of having drinks in the bar, both before and during the performance, and even taking drinks to seats during a show. These members of the audience then get a little over enthusiastic, and others paying £££s for a ticket understandably get a bit cross.

dragonfly46 Fri 31-Jan-25 08:35:18

I think the key here is that your DH was embarrassed- clearly you didn’t read the room.

However I do believe that behaviour at concerts has changed over the years. We went to see Neil Diamond at the O2 and people were getting up and wandering around the whole time buying drinks etc.

At a Bob Dylan concert locally a middle-aged couple behind us chatted the whole way through so maybe it is the accepted thing to jump up and down in front of the rest of the audience.

It has put me off going.

Jaxjacky Fri 31-Jan-25 08:33:30

People aren’t being nasty ftm you asked a question and don't like the answers.
The problem with people taking pictures and videoing should be addressed with the management, did you speak to them?

harrigran Fri 31-Jan-25 08:29:05

I am another one who would be annoyed if you had stood up in front of me, people like you are the reason I stopped going to musical shows.
We do not pay good money to see and hear the audience.
Play a video in your own home and dance around the house.

ftm420 Fri 31-Jan-25 08:28:52

I can't believe everyone is so nasty. One person got it, thanks Kandinsky.

You all make it sound as if I was the only one. If you want numbers, there were about 1/3 or more up dancing to every song. I was up for one. Just one. I do know how to read the room and would never be the one to instigate things. I'm too shy for that.

It wasn't my first concert and it's my local theatre so I'm there quite a lot so I also know how it's constructed. I've been to concerts where people stood, or others where everyone stayed sitting.

I can't believe that videoing seems to be acceptable as I'm sure the last time I went, the staff walked round with boards beforehand asking people not to film and to turn phones off. Why is that now OK. All I could see was hundreds of bright screens waving about.

I'd be interested to know how the singer felt, trying to whip up the audience and being faced with a bunch of people looking at her through a screen and not engaging with her.

ViceVersa Fri 31-Jan-25 08:21:34

I'm with the majority here. I would be very annoyed if someone got up in front of me and started dancing. We were actually at a music show earlier this week and no-one did that until the very last song, when the performers actually encouraged the audience to get up and take part. We were upstairs in the circle though, so we didn't. And I also hate people trying to film these things on their phones - usually there is an announcement telling you not to do so. Just live in the moment.

NotSpaghetti Fri 31-Jan-25 08:12:32

There are still plenty of standing gigs (as someone said upthread). Maybe go to those and then you can dance all you want.
Win-win.

NotSpaghetti Fri 31-Jan-25 08:06:34

I wouldn't like videoing it either to be honest - as I suspect you didn't.