Boarding school

My late husband was from a Diplomat family and both he and his sister were sent over to Haileybury and Cheltenham Ladies college and then sent to boarding holiday places during the holidays except for the summer one. I think they just had to toughen up and in my husband's case he suffered quite a lot.. but managed as he was both very bright and he played rugby..

DH loved his time at boarding school.

Nanato3

I don't understand why people have children if the know they'll be sending them to boarding school.
I have cousins that went away to school for a better education, I'm glad I didn't have to go .
Not every child is the same, some will thrive being a boarder at school but it could be disastrous for others .

Did you actually read through this thread? Several posters have given a range of explanations as to why people may choose to send their children to boarding school? It certainly doesn't mean that child was unwanted or unloved.

My parents were going to send me to boarding school if I didn’t get into the day school of their choice. Luckily I did, but I was quite happy at the thought of going away to school. I wonder what I’d have thought if I’d actually gone. I still think I’d have liked it.

My late husband taught in a boys’ boarding school, which later became co-ed and a day school. I think it was a happier place after the change. The boarding years were very spartan and corporal punishment was used for quite trivial offences. Most of the boarders were children of parents in the armed forces, or overseas workers. Some were from families in very difficult circumstances and were on bursaries.
Not all boarding schools are like Eton- or Malory Towers!

I don't understand why people have children if the know they'll be sending them to boarding school.
I have cousins that went away to school for a better education, I'm glad I didn't have to go .
Not every child is the same, some will thrive being a boarder at school but it could be disastrous for others .

ViceVersa

Barleyfields

NonGrannyMoll

There's no way I would let anyone else bring up my child, be it a daily childminder or a full-time boarding school. What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself? They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned - whoever wants that for their children (apart from people with property or titles they want to hand down)?

I had to work full time, I had no option . Obviously you did. Lucky you. My child was never ‘just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned’. What a horrible thing to say, and most upsetting to those of us who had a much wanted and much loved child but didn’t have your obvious financial advantage.

Totally agree. That's a very judgemental post. Both of children went to nursery full time when they were three months old, because I had to work. That doesn't mean they weren't loved or wanted. Some women have to work, others choose to do so. Not everyone wants to be a full time stay-at-home mother - thankfully, these days, we have the choice.

What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself?

A very dismissive and judgemental attitude to take against all those millions of parents who cannot afford to live on one income.

They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned

No, they really don't.

Our nephews and nieces loved being at boarding school. Their parents quite like it- they grand and great grand parents hated it and never quite emotionally recovered.

I would have never sent mine to boarding school unless there was absolutely NO other choice. I worked for one for quite a few years, and it was brilliantly run- but secondary and 6th Form only. Most of the students loved it.

I think I did once, based on the idealised version as described by Enid Blyton in her Mallory Towers books, midnight feasts in the dorm and all that.

Having said that the idea of boarding at anything like the convent school I went to, would be the stuff of nightmares, the nuns that taught us were bad enough as day teachers (I use the word teacher loosely) spiteful, full of hang ups, prejudices and generally weird notions. From everything I read about religious boarding schools of yesteryear they sounded awful and some adults talk about their lives having been blighted by such experiences, and those testaments have come from some of the top ones such as Ampleforth.

Nearby me is a boarding school who have thrown open their sporting facilities to the general public if you join as a member, which I have, 25 metre pool, gym, squash courts, indoor gymnasiums for numerous classes, yoga, pilates etc. . The pupils have their own changing rooms, but members often see them come and go they wear a distinctive uniform from a bygone age. They recently asked them I believe, if they wanted to ditch this strange garb, but they didn't. They look happy or rather they don't look unhappy. The pupil intake is very ethnically diverse and the school is known for its charitable ethos it gives out loads of bursaries and scholarships. It appears to be an amazing place composed of umpteen red brick buildings with spires all over the place, my grandchildren, when I've taken them swimming there predictably call it Hogwarts There is also a sign as we drive in which says "Dead slow children crossing" which sends them into fits of laughter. It's a drive round country lanes to get there, being surrounded by acres of land and playing fields.

Me too Grandmabatty Sadly it wasn’t ever an option.

I dreamed of boarding school but it had to be in the Austrian Alps and in a chalet. No guesses as to my favourite books!

Thanks for this. It’s so thoughtless it deliberately provocative and unkind to accuse women (and it’s always the mothers) who work as somehow being less than stay at home mothers
I worked from choice as well as necessity. I was lucky in sharing bringing up our children with their father. I wouldn’t have wanted them at boarding school
Their cousins were at boarding school from age 11. They loved it and thrived socially and academically
Most parents love their children and do the very best they can for them
Judge not when choices are different than yours -

Probably a lot of us were influenced by what they read in Girl and the like. I certainly was!

I went to boarding school for one term. It seemed a wonderful thing to do. There was a children's magazine called GIRL,which I had weekly. The students in the story had a fantastic time, having midnight feasts in the dorm etc. The reality was very different and I simply hated it.
Mom said I must stay for the term before leaving. I was so glad to leave.

Nanato3

I would never send my children to boarding school . I can't see the point in having children and then
sending them away for others to bring up . I didn't like school so would have loved personal tuition
But my parents couldn't afford it.

They aren’t sent away to boarding school for others to bring up, they go to be educated. As MOnica says, for many parents it’s unavoidable if their children are to get a good education rather than a fractured one as a result of attending numerous schools - and a fractured childhood too, with no long-term friendships.

What all the 'would never send my child to boarding school' brigade forget is that most chldren who go to boarding school, especially today, do so for a reason, not just because their parents think it will be a good idea.

There are fewer forces families than before but many more British families, whos work means that they travel the world or spend years living away from Britain but want their children to get British qualifications and go to British universities. Then there are diplomats, those who work for international organisations.

Before you start pontificating from your aery eminence give a thought to those parents, who do nto want to send their children to oarding school either, but whose work circumstances mean that if their children are to get a good secondary eductation, or even any education after 11, then boarding school is the only solution.

NonGrannyMoll

There's no way I would let anyone else bring up my child, be it a daily childminder or a full-time boarding school. What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself? They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned - whoever wants that for their children (apart from people with property or titles they want to hand down)?

Indeed *MOnicaand others, very offensive, some of us had few options but to work, very rarified air you breathe NonGrannyMoll

I would never send my children to boarding school . I can't see the point in having children and then
sending them away for others to bring up . I didn't like school so would have loved personal tuition
But my parents couldn't afford it.

I come from a military family. In my childhood, the 1950s we were conastantly on the move. I went to 8 primary schools and also missed nearly a years schooling through moves and illness.

My parents, my mother in particular believed that the best life insurance policy a woman could have was a good education and career, and if we continued to follow the flag during secondary school years, that would be very difficult, so like so many military children we went o boarding school.

Almost all my fellow boarders came from similar families, military, diplomatic, travelling abroad with big companies.

What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself? They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned - whoever wants that for their children (apart from people with property or titles they want to hand down)?

I find these words utterly, utterly offiensive. My parents loved us deeply, it caused them both, my mother in particular, deep distress to decide to send us to boarding school, I think it would have killed my mother to think that anyone would consider that as far as we were concerned we, her beloved daughters, were no more to her than just 'another pet'.

Thanks to her, and my father's sacrifice, both I and my sisters were able to go to university when very few women did, to have good careers and successful lives.

viceversa

“Totally agree. That's a very judgemental post. Both of children went to nursery full time when they were three months old, because I had to work. That doesn't mean they weren't loved or wanted. Some women have to work, others choose to do so. Not everyone wants to be a full time stay-at-home mother - thankfully, these days, we have the choice.”

All four of my children has lots of different types of childcare, from Nannies, to au pairs and very nice day nurseries. I worked full time as this was the only way we afford the mortgage!

Some people eh! 🙄🙄

I try hard not to be offended by the ignorant!

Both my husband and I went to boarding schools from the age of 11 and 12 respectively, as both our sets of parents were abroad with the forces in the far East and Germany. Our children, also forces children went to a co-ed boarding school, and both say they are pleased they had a settled education and friends rather than changing schools and making new friends every 2-3 years. If I hadn't gone to a boarding school I would have had 9 schools and my husband 12 due to service commitments.

Aveline

I used to beg to be sent to boarding school. No luck though ☹️

Me too and I almost got there, at 10, but my mother thought I might feel I was being sent away, not sure why she didn’t just ask me, as an only child, who loved sport and reading and was very outgoing I’m sure I’d have loved it 🙅‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Barleyfields

NonGrannyMoll

There's no way I would let anyone else bring up my child, be it a daily childminder or a full-time boarding school. What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself? They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned - whoever wants that for their children (apart from people with property or titles they want to hand down)?

I had to work full time, I had no option . Obviously you did. Lucky you. My child was never ‘just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned’. What a horrible thing to say, and most upsetting to those of us who had a much wanted and much loved child but didn’t have your obvious financial advantage.

Totally agree. That's a very judgemental post. Both of children went to nursery full time when they were three months old, because I had to work. That doesn't mean they weren't loved or wanted. Some women have to work, others choose to do so. Not everyone wants to be a full time stay-at-home mother - thankfully, these days, we have the choice.

NonGrannyMoll

There's no way I would let anyone else bring up my child, be it a daily childminder or a full-time boarding school. What's the point of having a child if you aren't prepared to bring him/her up yourself? They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned - whoever wants that for their children (apart from people with property or titles they want to hand down)?

They end up being just another pet to be kept fed, watered, walked and cleaned

How strange. Our friends' children went to boarding schools because they worked overseas on contracts and they have all grown up to be happy, well-rounded adults.

Barleyfields

Well said!