Boarding school

There are all sorts of reasons why parents do or don't send their children to boarding school, and I personally wouldn't question any of them.

I did go to a boarding school, my family circumstances were unique to me, the same as my best friend's, who didn't go to boarding school, were to her.

I think I read too much of the Four Marys in Bunty when I was young. Boarding school sounded really fun and exciting. I expect, if I'd actually gone to one, I would have been very homesick and frightened.

They may have suited some older children reasonably well but for little children it must have been terrifying. Also, there was a far greater risk of sustained bullying and physical and sexual abuse in such institutions.

I don't think it should be likened to children going to nursery. It may not be ideal but unfortunately most women have to go out to work these days because everything is so expensive. They may prefer to stay at home for a year or so, or work part-time but quite often they don't have the choice.

Nicky Campbell on Radio 4 has programmes discussing Boarding School and the effects it had. Monday am about 10.40ish

Hear hear NonGrannyMoll! I totally agree!

No, most boarding schools don't have compulsory military training and it is only a tiny part of the curriculum for one year anyway. It concentrates on physical fitness, teamwork, encouraging leadership.

My DC and DN did many of the same things at their comprehensive schools - DC went to the Army camp and completed assault courses, volunteering in the community, the D of E course etc.

I was talking to DS about this at the weekend. He said yes, there were aspects of boarding he didn’t like - aspects of school in general that he didn’t like as with most children I expect - but he says it taught him how to be self reliant, how to look after himself and his belongings, and he made good friends that he didn’t have to say goodbye to every two years, and there was plenty of rugby, cricket and football! They didn’t have a cadet corps - he got his compulsory military training at home😂!

They're not the brutal instutitions of the old days and the weirder aspects of public school life like fagging have long gone. Modern boarding schools are probably as liberal as most state schools, but there are some that have things like compulsory military training that are missing from state schools and some children might object to.

Determined to live in East Anglia, never move house (unless it burned down or was otherwise destroyed). Grow old together. Bob's your Uncle.

I knew that marrying DH was signing up for a peripatetic lifestyle but frankly I would have followed him to hell and back and felt like that for fifty six years. We were both in the Army, so married or not it wouldn’t have been a settled existence for either of us. I knew what I was signing on for. For the most part it was a good life.

Not a marriage agency but part of getting to know each other to see if sharing a life together was a possibility.

Galaxy

People choose their spouse for all sorts of reasons, I would have been unlikely to choose a spouse who was the lead singer of a rock band for example, if early in a relationship I realised that someones job meant moving around the country all the time I probably would have opted out, it is just not the type of person I am, it is fine for people to be different.

choose a spouse
You make it sound like a marriage agency!

Perhaps for some young women it was.

ViceVersa

Grams2five

I wouldn’t have and didn’t send mine to boarding school and I wouldn’t have married a man who’s career made such a thing a necessary. If careers had meant we had to travel the world we would have , Never in a thousand years would I have considered it. I had children because I wanted to be with them and raise them as much as I could in the time I had I’ve never for a moment understood how or why anyone would choose to use boarding schools. Nannies and other things for daytime care i understand though never used it myself. But to have ones children actually live elsewhere is so terribly sad to me.

I didn't realise people chose a spouse based on that person's career choices...

Surely we all should have sat them down and interviewed them as to their future careers and prospects before we married them? 😁

Nanato3

Grammaretto

It isn't about sharing opinions nannato3 but people are sharing their own experiences on here.

I am finding these deeply moving and not just a matter of liking or not liking something we have no personal knowledge of.

I probably didn't express myself very well. What I meant was I could never send my children to boarding school because of the distress it would cause me . I suffered terribly with empty nest syndrome when they left home as adults so sending them away to school was never in my mind . I wouldn't have married a man who travelled with his job , it just wouldn't suit me but we are all different with different views and we should respect others views .

Agreed. Everyone should respect other views.

The OP asked would you send your children to boarding school? No, but some people would. This whole thread was merely discussion.

Dickens

Norah

Dickens

Norah

Dickens

Norah

I don't understand why people can't change jobs. However, I accept some don't wish to find different work, their choice.

Maybe because for some it can be more complicated than simply swapping one job for another?

I merely said I don't understand.

My husband never faced job swap complication. Quite lucky, really.

I merely said I don't understand

And I simply gave you a possible reason why for some - though clearly not for you - it's not always easy to just ^change jobs.^

Curious, may I ask why not? There are many jobs.

Perhaps I misunderstand the words *change jobs.*

Curious, may I ask why not? There are many jobs.

OK.

If - for example - you have studied and trained in a particular field (and have maybe incurred debt whilst doing so); then are offered a post within an organisation or company, possibly with a set minimum period of employment (because the position demands that circumstance) - then I would imagine changing jobs isn't a straightforward process.

I fully understand why a parent would not want to board their child - the emotional attachment to a child and the desire to keep it in the home environment is not something I'd ever question.

However, you appear to be suggesting that parents shouldn't send their children to boarding school, because you don't agree with it, and I find that rather judgmental.

Your feelings / circumstances (and mine) are not other people's - we are all different. I don't believe there's a right or wrong in this matter. It depends on the child, the circumstances, and the feelings and preferences of the individual parents.

Apologies for asking logical questions. I know nothing to why people might stay in a job that led to boarding their children - so I asked.

I admitted I'd not be comfortable boarding our children. I certainly have no reason to care how others apart from my family accomplish work or school, I was merely curious.

I said earlier, I assume people do what they feel is best for their children.

Most of what I asked remains a mystery - so be it.

I should have proof read the above before posting! I see some appalling grammar mistakes.

Because my DF was working in India my older sister went to boarding school in the Uk. There was five years between her and my brother but when the time came for him to go to boarding school my father died so we returned to the UkK. Consequently both he and I went to a day school. My DS had an outgoing personality and enjoyed boarding school but I think there was a feeling of resentment that she had missed out on the relationship we had our mother. (Some holidays for her had had to be spent in UK with our aunt and uncle as the journey was so long). She misremembered a lot about the th8ngs mum had done for her to help her when she first had her family etc. She would deny things that I know my mum did for her.

My younger granddaughter asked to go to boarding school, its weekly boarding and coeducational, she went at 13 and has been very happy there. She is dyslexic and has just done her A level mocks and got A,A,B.

Grammaretto

It isn't about sharing opinions nannato3 but people are sharing their own experiences on here.

I am finding these deeply moving and not just a matter of liking or not liking something we have no personal knowledge of.

I probably didn't express myself very well. What I meant was I could never send my children to boarding school because of the distress it would cause me . I suffered terribly with empty nest syndrome when they left home as adults so sending them away to school was never in my mind . I wouldn't have married a man who travelled with his job , it just wouldn't suit me but we are all different with different views and we should respect others views .

I can honestly say, from the other side of the fence, that most parents don't take the decision to board their children lightly. It may look like it to onlookers, but the majority of these parents agonise over their decision which they only arrive at after careful consideration. Uppermost in their thoughts is always the happiness and welfare of their child. It may be difficult for a young child to understand that, or even for other parents to grasp the reasons for it, but boarding schools exist for a purpose beyond the classroom..

I was once engaged to someone who went to quite a famous boarding school from a very young age, as did his sister. Neither of them was unhappy. His father worked in Hong Kong. They went out to Hong Kong every holiday if his parents were not visiting the UK, or for shorter holidays stayed with their grandparents. Many of his friends did exactly the same and he had lots of friends he had known most of his life. I never heard any of them complaining about their school life, mainly they had lots of stories about things they got up to,

His life was a lot more stable than mine, where I changed schools every three years - more, really, as we went back to my grandparents in between postings and we had to attend schools there for about 6 months before moving to the new posting. I have no life long friends like he had, my oldest two friends are from my teens when we moved back to Wales. Education was a bit of an issue, my syllabus changed with every school, and teaching methods were different. It had it's bonuses though - it made me very independent and quite resilient, I'm not scared of change and have had friends of every hue and culture all my life. Boarding was never an option for us.

Norah

Dickens

Norah

Dickens

Norah

I don't understand why people can't change jobs. However, I accept some don't wish to find different work, their choice.

Maybe because for some it can be more complicated than simply swapping one job for another?

I merely said I don't understand.

My husband never faced job swap complication. Quite lucky, really.

I merely said I don't understand

And I simply gave you a possible reason why for some - though clearly not for you - it's not always easy to just ^change jobs.^

Curious, may I ask why not? There are many jobs.

Perhaps I misunderstand the words *change jobs.*

Curious, may I ask why not? There are many jobs.

OK.

If - for example - you have studied and trained in a particular field (and have maybe incurred debt whilst doing so); then are offered a post within an organisation or company, possibly with a set minimum period of employment (because the position demands that circumstance) - then I would imagine changing jobs isn't a straightforward process.

I fully understand why a parent would not want to board their child - the emotional attachment to a child and the desire to keep it in the home environment is not something I'd ever question.

However, you appear to be suggesting that parents shouldn't send their children to boarding school, because you don't agree with it, and I find that rather judgmental.

Your feelings / circumstances (and mine) are not other people's - we are all different. I don't believe there's a right or wrong in this matter. It depends on the child, the circumstances, and the feelings and preferences of the individual parents.

As I said in a previous post I attended boarding school for 2 years. No bare boards or gruel, or cold showers. Matrons in each house were strict but kind, food was great and plentiful (especially the cakes!)After school activities for all types of interests. All in all a great experience. I attended 11 schools altogether, we moved around a lot. Looking back learned so much and experienced things I probably wouldn’t have if I hadn’t travelled with my parents. There are different types of education and learning, not always in a classroom.

There are also boarding schools for children with special needs, where the educational provision cannot be met at a local level. Parents are conflicted, but ultimately want the best for their child.

It isn't about sharing opinions nannato3 but people are sharing their own experiences on here.

I am finding these deeply moving and not just a matter of liking or not liking something we have no personal knowledge of.

I would hate to be apart from my children when they grew up but of course everyone is different and circumstances too.
Certainly it is not the Enid Blyton style life that is portrayed in books. I hope things have changed not bare board dorms cold showers and gruel for meals! I know that one local school knocked down their dorms block now each has their own room so they have their own space.
The local boarding school I found it strange that some children especially the Japanese came to board but did not go home for several years. on holiday times they stayed with host families I found it very sad